Can a relationship get back what it once was?

[nickilovespookie]

After one cheats (me) and the other person is willing to overcome it (my bf but on a break) is it possible (in your opinion) to get back what was once there? I know it would take lots of time but is it possible, if we both want it?

[xpaperxcutx]

Sometimes it might work but I think he will retain a little resentment towards you afterwards. Knowing the fact that you cheated on him gives him probable cause to do the same to you in the future. And he'll use your infidelity as a defense.

[imonyourside]

from your boyfriends perspective (my bf cheated on me and we are in the beginning stages of getting past that fact), i would say your relationship can NEVER be what it once was.. but it can get damn close , so after trust has been re-established i think things will be okay for you two.

just know that whenever i feel down and think about it for too long, i start to want to get him back and your bf may or may not be feeling that.

if i were you , i'd be super sweet to him for a very long time (forever would be nice? ).

 

and also, in my relationship, when fights come up between us i really can't help but throw that in his face .. even though there comes a time where i can't keep bringing that up.. your bf may do that as well and you will have to take it all in if you want this "new" relationship to work. one last thing, that my bf isn't doing enough of, that i think you should do: when or if he gets upset and tells you hes thinking about you cheating , just remind him how much you love him (if appropriate) and remind him that it was a mistake on your part (granted it was a mistake?) and tell him you would never ever dare to even think of doing that again. you just need to profusely apologize whenever hes feeling down.. that may help.

good luck.

Edited February 21, 2008 by imonyourside

[Bryanp]

Why did you cheat on him? Didn't you realize what the consequences would be?

[Cobra_X30]

After one cheats (me) and the other person is willing to overcome it (my bf but on a break) is it possible (in your opinion) to get back what was once there? I know it would take lots of time but is it possible, if we both want it?

 

Getting back together with your xBF is a bad idea... you don't love him. I don't really think he loves you either... he is just so caught up in not losing you that he can't see that. Don't string each other along any further. Put an end to this because it's the right thing to do.

 

Stop contact with him! It will allow him to move on and find someone he can really fall in love with and that will love him back!

[nickilovespookie]

The one thing we had before was trust. I know I’ve lost his trust but I also know that I can get it back. He loves me very much and I love him. I know the relationship won’t be the same for a long time but I think it can be sometime in the future.

 

The cheating occurred because I wasn’t getting any of his attention and in a way I felt like we were already broken up. We lived together more as roommates than lovers. I cheated on him on the morning of the day that I broke up with him. I had wanted to end it for a couple of weeks already.

 

It’s sad because I really love him so much and it was a biiiiiigg mistake. Especially since I knew the whole time that this other guy would never work. It was meaningless sex. I’ve never had that before.

 

My bf (or ex-bf) is a really strong man and he won’t use it as revenge or in a fight or anything.

 

And hey, even if we don’t work out because of trust or whatever, at least we can say we tried.

 

Does anyone have any experiences where it did work out?

[Crestfallen_KH]

The short answer? No.

 

It either has to be better than what it once was (so that you can prevent this from happening again), or it will fall apart.

 

If both parties aren't fully invested, honest, open and willing to do lots of hard work, it won't succeed.

 

You don't want to go back to what it once was, and you can't. That relationship didn't work. So, you either need to make it better or not make it at all.

[Replicant]

After one cheats (me) and the other person is willing to overcome it (my bf but on a break) is it possible (in your opinion) to get back what was once there? I know it would take lots of time but is it possible, if we both want it?

 

Were there boundaries defined in the break? If not, and your boyfriend knows of this or comes to know of this he might very likely harbor resentment. Regardless of what i think of 'Breaks' in general. If it was a means to get the relationship back on course and this being the end result (getting with some other dude) in this case you might have crashed and burned.

[Potatocakes]

There is a dim light in the dark! Believe me I have been in the same situation as you and although I know its in the back of his mind he has forgave me and we have moved on. He's never thrown it in my face but that doesnt mean you shouldnt be expecting it. I think you and him could work but when it comes back up as it probably will just suck it up.

[Ashbash]

I'm sure it could eventually work, but it wouldn't be an easy process and it would take a lot of dedication and trust. Honestly, I think once a person cheats, that is it. You can forgive them, but that doesn't mean you have to get back together. You deserve better than that and there is someone out there who won't cheat on you. I just know that I would never go back with someone who cheated on me because I have more respect for myself then that.

[nickilovespookie]

You always think it's never going to happen to you. And when it does, your perception changes drastically.

[Cobra_X30]

You always think it's never going to happen to you. And when it does, your perception changes drastically.

 

If your walking down the middle of the freeway... I don't think you should be suprised when you get hit by a car.

 

Personally, I don't see anything positive about the future of your relationship.

 

Don't date men that you cannot respect.

[nickilovespookie]

 

Personally, I don't see anything positive about the future of your relationship.

 

Don't date men that you cannot respect.

 

Why do you think nothing positive will come out of our relationship?

 

Just to clarify, I'm the one who cheated so my problem isn't respecting him, it's earning back his trust.

[Replicant]

Why do you think nothing positive will come out of our relationship?

 

Just to clarify, I'm the one who cheated so my problem isn't respecting him, it's earning back his trust.

 

If the 'break' was intended to assess the relationship and work things out that's one thing, but instead you go get boned by some other dude!? How is that showing respect to your boyfriend and this relationship?

 

A 'break' is dubious enough as it is, but to act trashy like that...the only positive to him, will be the positive reinforcement that this relationship is not worth it.

[nickilovespookie]

Whatever. I'm done posting. 98% of the replies back to me are negative.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I think of it as a rope. And the rope was broken and then repaired, but it never gets back the strength it originally had. Maybe you can prove me wrong.

[nickilovespookie]

Hopefully. And I think I can.

 

We're planning to go to counseling. I think that will help. Just waiting for the appt, damn counselors are so busy all the time.

[lino]

I remember your story from your other thread.

I'm not meaning to give you a negative response but I don't think you will be able to go back to what you had. If I remember right from your other thread you didn't like it that much anyway, isn't it why you slept with this other supposedly great guy? How could you guarantee you wouldn't do it again?

 

Why do you think nothing positive will come out of our relationship?

 

Just to clarify, I'm the one who cheated so my problem isn't respecting him, it's earning back his trust.

 

If you were cheated on would you feel respected?

[Cobra_X30]

Why do you think nothing positive will come out of our relationship?

 

Just to clarify, I'm the one who cheated so my problem isn't respecting him, it's earning back his trust.

 

I really do remember your earlier thread.

 

There is more than just trust that was broken. I think respect is a much, much larger issue.

 

I just don't think this guy is right for you... that's all. I think you want more, and that if you pursue this further you will wind up getting hurt in the end.

[lovesickgurl]

My married best friend had an affair. Her husband found out after she ended the affair. They decided to try to work it out. Most days they do fine, but other days he will lash out at her, and it is obvious that he has not completly forgiven her. In observing their relationship, I think you can get back what you had or maybe something even better, but only if the person that was betrayed is truly willing to forgive.

[nickilovespookie]

He is. I commend him for his courage and strength.

[Replicant]

He is. I commend him for his courage and strength.

 

Now had the shoe been on the other foot and at the height of your relationship he just threw caution to the wind and had a fling with some girl and then lied to the point in which you found out through other people. I don't think you'd be carrying on here the way you are now. But entirely the opposite. You just fail to comprehend the lack of respect to him by doing that kind of crap. Do you seriously feel not only him but life owes you chances after choosing to cheat!? What you owe him is the opportunity to move on and find a real woman worthy of his time.

[jj2007]

After one cheats (me) and the other person is willing to overcome it (my bf but on a break) is it possible (in your opinion) to get back what was once there? I know it would take lots of time but is it possible, if we both want it?

 

IMO yes it is possible if you both are willing to put forth the effort.

 

Good luck and I hope you both find the happiness you deserve!

[twice_shy]

After one cheats (me) and the other person is willing to overcome it (my bf but on a break) is it possible (in your opinion) to get back what was once there? I know it would take lots of time but is it possible, if we both want it?

 

No.

 

Nothing will ever be the same. You two may just be able to carry on a normal relationship, but what you did with him will stick with him as long as you two are together. You are now a cheater to him.

 

Hell, he may even decide sometime down the road that he would like to even the score and cheat. Afterall, in his mind he just might think that you have no business getting mad since you did too.

 

But it will NEVER get back to where it once was. What you had was a relationship where you both had respect for each other. Now one of you is a cheater. I'd advise a split, but if that doesn't happen, some people just have to learn the hard way.

[blind_otter]

I don't think a relationship can ever "get back to what it was" -- that was the past, with an entirely different set of parameters. We can't magically travel backwards in time. You can only move forward and deal with things as they are, now.