Am I crazy psycho or what??

[amberwboone]

A long story about my relationship...ill make a short summary b4 I ask the question...

*My boyfriend and I broke up jan 26th 2007 it was so hard for me because it was a stupid fight we loved eachother a ton did evreything tog.

*anyway he said he just wanted to be alone

*around march I looked at his myspace and I saw a pic of a girl with ironically the name of the girl who is the fron desk clerk at the hotel he was working out of town and staying at! So I called him I was hurt it was such a short period of time since we split. In the mean time he was always telling me that we stil might have a chance.

so me being a little crazy at the time called the front desk clerk and her story matched his friends just talking on the phone yadayda

*so of course eventually they had a relationship dahhh me....and he said the first time the actually stayed tog was march 30 he took her to my cousins 30th biday...wich hurt me ..I didnt go

she ended up dumping him around begining of april and we started talking and he said he missed me he was wrong for at times being so mean to me and he never stopped loving me like once told me....

*so we got back tog.

My problem is I am absolutly obsessed with the situation...I still check this girls myspace facebook to see what she is up to...

*I ran into a big issue when I was looking through her pis and there is still a pic of him and her on feb5 th right after we brok up and they were in nebraska we live in iowa it was at night so he has to of stayed ther most likely with...her

The thing is that was like 2 wks after we broke up and I rem that say cuz it was a fri and he told me he was sick and asked if I would keep our dauhgter cuz he normally had her on the weekends.,.of course I bel him at the time I tried calling him in the morning and he wouldn't answer all morning which was way out of his elemant. I was worried so I texted him said I was gonna drive over make sure he was ok...about 10 min later he called me and said that he would be there in a hour hr got up early to go to Iowa city shopping which is like a hour away from where he lives..besides most malls around here dont open untill 10 am should of thought of that at the time...Pretty mean thing to do to someone who is sooo nice to u and loved u sooo much..

* I guess my problem is that he still lied to me till this day about it...I mean he could of been cheating on me with her for all i know!! and when I confront him It is my fault get over it he loves me wants to marry me!!!

 

So finally (thanks for being patient while I rant)

my questions are...

*Does anyone think it is normal to go out with someone and stay in a hotel room (wich he admitted) 2wks after a long term relationship split or do u think he was cheating

* Also is it normal to be obssessed about this girl??The daily checking of her facebook myspace...I dont know what is wrong with me!! I think about her and him 24/7 it is ruining our relationship

* is this gonna work out and if so how???

Does anyone think he did anything wrong or am I over reacting???

Thank you all for advice:lmao:

 

 

 

 

My questions are

[EllaDerSpin]

It is understandable you feel so insecure. After all, when somebody lies to you, it destroys your trust. Relationships are built on trust and love.

I'm wondering if you have gotten back together too quickly. Trust needs to be rebuilt. No, constantly checking her myspace is not a good way to be living, so ask yourself what is making you feel this way, and what needs to happen to solve the problem. Have you and he for instance talked about what caused him to leave in the first place? Do you feel you are not calm anough to have these discussions yet?

If it was me, I would probably tell him that I need to take getting back together more slowly, and need to know that he was serious about it. If he is serious about it then he will put in the effort to make it work, which includes rebuilding the trust in the relationship.

It sounds as though in your panic to keep him from running back to her, you are not addressing the issues in the relationship, and getting back together quicker than is comfortable for you. This will never work because your insecurity will errupt suddenly at some point and create tension in an already unstable situation.

If he is mature enough to have a real relationship with you, then he will be mature enough to find solutions with you, but for your part you have to find the strength to take the risk of communicating with him properly.

It isnt really about what is normal. It is about trust.

Edited February 22, 2008 by EllaDerSpin

[amberwboone]

Thanks for the advice!!

[LoveLace]

You broke up, so I don't see how it's cheating. When you break up, your considered single, as of that moment.

 

You were hurt and that's why you are so curious about the girl. But if you don't feel you'll ever be able to forgive him/her, then it's going to continue to "ruin the relationship" as you claim it does. In cases where people break up and get back together, there is always question of what happened in between and it can put a damper on the trust. You have 2 choices: either keep "obsessing" with her (which can't possibly have any benefit to your relationship), or stop looking at her web page and keep her out of sight, out of mind, and focus on the present with your BF. Total trust won't be established over night, it'll still take time, but let him know you are ready to work on your relationship and move forward...if your not ready, he'll only be around for so long, because he'll only get sicker and sicker of you obsessing with the past.

 

Now in a case of which he might still be somehow attached to or involved with her, then I wouldn't blame you for being worried. But if he says it's really over with her, it's up to you to learn to trust that and move on. If he's an understanding guy, he'll know this can be hard but if there's no end to the issue he won't stick around.