heidilynnmorris Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Ok so my story is a bit complicated.. I have a very hard time trusting and getting close to a guy. I was raped when I was 14 years old and only after dealing witth my problem myself and not telling anyone I finally let one guy into my life that is still my boyfriend today. I dated this guy off and on since I was 14 years old and I am now 20. Throughout high school he went back and forth from me to another girl whom he also dated off and on for about three years. i know that he was in love with this girl even though he claims he wasn't. Not only did he cheat on me with her numerous times he also cheated on me with other women. We just recently had a baby who is only 3 months old. While I was pregnant I read some history on my computer and found out that while he was at work he was trying to meet women in the town he was working in. He repeatedly lied and said that it wasn't him on there and so on. Now that my daughter has been born we have moved in together and live in the town he works. I have my doubts on his faithfullness and I also still believe he is in love with his ex girlfriend. He denies all of this but I do love him and want to make it work but i find myself doubting our relationship. He loves our daughter and he does alot for both of us but I don't know if my doubts are hurting our relationship.. PLEASE HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
JerseyShortie Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 You don't know if your doubts are hurting your relationship???? You have doubts because he is fishy and has been a cheater in the past! You already know he is a cheater and yet you tolerate him treating you like this. His fishy behavior is what is hurthing his relationship. You can't force someone to love you. You can't force someone to treat you right. But YOU can choose how you want to be treated and it seems like you are giving him free rain to not treat you nicely. Even if he does nice things for your daughter, as he should anyway because it is his child, this shouldn't give him free rein to not treat you with respect. You obviously aren't happy. You can't change him or force him to change. You can only change yourself and how you let others treat you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heidilynnmorris Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 thanks. I know that I'm letting him treat me this way and I wish I was a strong enoug person just to walk away but its alot harder than it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 thanks. I know that I'm letting him treat me this way and I wish I was a strong enoug person just to walk away but its alot harder than it seems. It's walking away that is going to make you stronger. What are your support systems? Are you close to your parents or siblings? Who can you turn to for help right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 thanks. I know that I'm letting him treat me this way and I wish I was a strong enoug person just to walk away but its alot harder than it seems. You deserve a lot better, but if you never leave, then nobody will ever get the chance to prove that to you! Also, my heart goes out to you as a rape victim. That's not something you should ever have to deal with on your own. Maybe a counselor or therapist would be a good person to listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heidilynnmorris Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Kamille- My mother is close with me but her and my father or going through a nasty divorce and I hear her problems everyday and how she can't deal with them herself I'm not sure if I want to put my problems on her as well. Other than that at this moment I live four hours away from any friends or family. I'm in college trying to finish up my degree so I can provide for my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 (edited) Kamille- My mother is close with me but her and my father or going through a nasty divorce and I hear her problems everyday and how she can't deal with them herself I'm not sure if I want to put my problems on her as well. Other than that at this moment I live four hours away from any friends or family. I'm in college trying to finish up my degree so I can provide for my daughter. Congratulations on getting your degree heidilynn. It does show that you are strong. Does your mom have any idea of what you are going through right now? I'm thinking, no matter how nasty the divorce, she would want to help you if she found out what you are going through. It might get her to focus on something else for awhile. But you know your mom and you know what she is capable of. Do you want to leave him? I'm thinking one day you will be ready to do this. If you are in college, you could very likely go speak to a housing councellor - the councellor could advice you on what is out there for you in terms of housing support. Many colleges also have associations for single parents which could be a resource for you. And of course, most colleges have psychological counselling facilities. Have you looked into any of those? You could also look into transferring your degree to another college in another city where you would have more support. About the doubts. A friend of mine was in the same situation you are. She was 21 and her boyfriend cheated on her while she was pregnant. She knew he was cheating, but he kept telling her that she was crazy and making her doubt herself. It got to a point where when he admitted he had cheated, he blamed her for it. Anyone not involved in that kind of dynamic knows how incredibly unsupportive and damaging this is. She was confused by it because of how much she wanted to be with him (for the sake of the child and because she loved him) and because after months of being told that the problem wasn't his actions but her doubts, her self-esteem had been severely damaged. She left him. When her mom found out what was going on, she wouldn't have it any other way. What he is doing to you is potentially very hurtful for the long term. 8 years later, my friend still struggles with self-esteem issues which she didn't have before that. She just now decided enough is enough and started therapy. So please don't think that your problems pale in comparison to your mother's divorce. Edited February 23, 2008 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
JerseyShortie Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 You deserve a lot better, but if you never leave, then nobody will ever get the chance to prove that to you! Beautiful advice! You should really listen to that. Link to post Share on other sites
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