Author Aoife Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Thanks Nadia - one thing I've noticed since I've been here reading the posts is how I am starting to see him differently, that he is having his cake and eating it and I'm helping him!! I still haven't heard about the new job but it's been just over a week...part of me will hate to leave him but another part feels almost ready. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Thanks Nadia - one thing I've noticed since I've been here reading the posts is how I am starting to see him differently, that he is having his cake and eating it and I'm helping him!! I still haven't heard about the new job but it's been just over a week...part of me will hate to leave him but another part feels almost ready. I understand because I was the same way when I first came here. I didn't even think of myself as the Other Woman. Something in my gut started telling me, something is not right, so when I found this site, I was like "oh my god, I am the Other Woman. I am dating a married man and he is cake-eating." It was a very sad but necessary revelation. I needed to realize that in order to start doing what I had to to get out of that situation. I'm glad you're doing the same. I bet you'll feel a breath of fresh air and relief when you start working at a new job without MM!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 I had wanted to believe for sooo long that he loved me and cherished me....i was trying to fool myself. For the first time I'm listening to the other side of the story - how he lies, cheats, deceives and he's my boss!!! He knows I was badly bullied by my last boss and it is hard to think, as James said, that he didn't do the right thing by me, but instead is thinking only of himself and his needs. On Saturday night he texted me and the first words were 'Got any new pictures' (I had sent him some saucy ones)...no 'Hi how are you', nothing!! Then he wrote 'I'm gagging'......he is just out for himself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Hi everyone....just a wee update!! I have an interview for the new job next Wednesday and when I found out I got sooooo excited - not only because it's a job I would love but also it gets me out of this situation which I wouldn't be strong enough to finish if I was still working where I am now!! Please keep your fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!! xx Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Please keep your fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!! xx I hope it works out for you. My fingers are crossed. My coworkers are looking at me kind of strange wondering why one hand is in the pocket, and I am doing everything with only the other hand. Wonder where their minds are? But hey...we WILL support you! Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Good luck with your job interview today Aoife! Let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 lol James that's funny!! Thanks Nadia - it's next Wednesday!! And to prove how much I need this, my boss texted me last night and asked me if he could come round to my apartment today at lunchtime for a 'quick shag'. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no...just said I was on a computer course in the morning. So it's now noon and I'm waiting to see if he shows up. I feel unless I get out of this situation and physically MOVE I will let this affair run and run and I don't want to be someone who wastes their lives on this!! I'll keep you posted!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'm sorry to drag this back up - but my boss came to see my at lunchtime on Thursday and we went straight to the bedroom. I told him afterwards I was going to leave my job, and he seemed ok. He said he was overwhelmed with guilt, felt 'stuck' and unhappy in his life, and that his daughter had mentioned a guy in England who had been caught cheating (Ashley Cole, a footballer) and what a scumbag he was!! He said he feels terrible..he said ideally we would be friends. He said he hates being so cloak and dagger, and just wants to be friends. He said he loves my vulnerability, and he feels I need him to make sure I'm ok, and he wants to make sure I am, so he said the last week of every month, even if I leave the city, he will make a point of meeting up with me for coffee, to catch up and see how I am - as friends. He said it's a pact. I told him I'd read that it was better to have no contact, but he was adamant we can do this and be just good friends. He was insistent!! He won't hear of no contact!! He said we won't know until we try!! I don't know if I should risk trying to be 'just friends'. I was shocked he said all this to me after we slept together, even though being friends is what I wanted, I felt very sad and still do. Do you think he means it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I don't know if I should risk trying to be 'just friends'. I was shocked he said all this to me after we slept together, even though being friends is what I wanted, I felt very sad and still do. Do you think he means it? What do you think? You were in the bedroom with him - did he look like he mean it? If you want to forget him and move on, NC is the way but that does not mean he would stop looking for you. With the way things are now, anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hi Lyssa. He looked like he did, but he's done this 6 or 7 times before, although not so determined. He wouldn't listen when I said 'NO CONTACT'...he asked what women's magazine I had read it in. He texted all Thursday night - he said I looked superb that day, and if I leave, anytime I need him he will be there. He never says the things I expect from someone who is cheating. He says he can offer me nothing and wants me to meet other men. He says too many people will get hurt, especially me, and he can't do that. He said he feels very attracted to me holistically, but we have to stop this. It is for the best I know - but I can't bear having him as my friend. I thought I could but I can't. I'd rather just to end it, but he won't hear of it. He said he wants me in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'd rather just to end it, but he won't hear of it. He said he wants me in his life. Why is it that men always think it's from a women's magazine?! You said it - you'd rather end it. Do it. You don't have to ask his permission or even listen to him. Do it for you and not for anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 Lol I was really mad and told him I had 'researched' it...I didn't mention here in case he popped on to have a look!!! Yip...I would prefer to make a clean break and I will try - thanks Lyssa!!! I think I might probably fail...he's very persistent! But in his words, I won't know til I try!! He actually made me feel better about him in a way, how much he genuinely cared about me, and wasn't just using me like I had worried!! Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 OMG Aoife this guy makes me so mad. I'm sorry but he's so full of himself. He wants to come over for a quick lunchtime shag even though he KNOWS that continuing the affair upsets you and in his own words makes him a scumbag?! Yet he doesn't seem to care when the two of you are in bed. I can't believe he made comments like you "need" him in your life to be okay. Please, Aoife, show him he's wrong! Get out there and live your own life independent of him. This guy does not sound like a "friend." I saw somewhere (I think on the glory b website forum) that "Can we stay friends?" = "Can we have sex sometime in the future?" I don't mean to sound harsh but I really think he only wants you hanging on as a possibility and to occassionally have sex with you without what he considers in his mind to be an "affair." Look I know this is a hard time for you and I don't want to hit you with a 2 X 4. But as Lyssa says, you yourself have said time and again that you need him out of your life. You are changing your job -- a big part of your life! -- in order to move on and away from him. What would be the point of remaining "friends" after all of that? Friends don't need to change jobs to get away from each other. A friend doesn't "gloat" that the other friend "needs" him to be okay. Please take care of yourself, I am sending you wishes of strength, happiness, and a good job interview on Wed!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aoife Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Thank you soooooooooooo much Nadia!!! Deep down I was wondering if maybe that was what he was thinking - he seemed ok about me leaving the org and I think that's because he won't have to worry about getting into trouble at work anymore!! I was disgusted he told me this after we slept together...I felt so cheap. If he was my friend, I wouldn't and you're right - what kind of friend makes you want to get away?? Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Right. Just imagine that he is really your friend or a single guy you're dating. You wouldn't be putting up with any of this. You would say "shape up or ship out." Well, it doesn't look like he has any intention to shape up. He is showing you who he really is. You don't need friends or anyone else like this, so don't put up with it just because he's married. In fact, that's the biggest reason to dump him... but his behaviors and actions are sure giving you more reason!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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