stepheine Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 My boyfriend and I are perfect together, and the past few days he has been talking to me about getting married and told me he is going to propose within 2 months and this made me excited but nervous at the same time. It just happened sooner than I thought it would. BUT........ His mom who I barely know has just recently decided to move extremely close to us/him. She came down this past weekend to look for places and initially she was not going to move until May but she had a change of heart and decided to move March 1st----YIKES!!! I say yikes because she is taking over everything!! She told me now that she will be living close to him she will get a key to his house and clean it, and do whatever he needs since he has no one to do it being that he is single and all. The whole time I am thinking what about me, I have a key and I am here a lot. She also told me that now that she will be living close to him she and him will be spending every holiday together, she never includes me. It is like I do not exist to her. Then she called his ex girlfriend and talked to her about moving closer. They talked for like 30 minutes!! I felt so uncomfortable!!! I want to marry him but she may drive me crazzy!!!! Then she makes rude comments to me that I don't appreciate!! He opened my car door the other day and she got upset and told him "So she gets her car door opened and I don't" I felt so uncomfortable and I am not going to baby her. She is a grown woman!! I was so upset with the way she treated me this past weekend I almost ended things with him, It was pretty bad!! I was on the phone talking to my mom and she rolled her eyes at me and said "I can't believe how much she is on the phone, it is rediculous" She hates me!!!!!! I was hoping her and I would get along but she just wants him to herself it seems. I feel stupid because this is his mother. This weekend when I almost left him he came into the bathroom to see what was wrong with me and I was just crying and he hugged me and said she was just playing but it was not funny to me. And my feelings were really hurt by him and her because he didn't stand up for me. he said he did not notice it until I said something and that he was very sorry. He said my heart was beating so fast like it would jump out of my chest. I was so upset!!! I have spoke to him about my concerns and he said "I will not let her step on your toes" but I don't want it to be like this. HELP Link to post Share on other sites
JamesT Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Ive been with my wife for 13 years and my mother has never liked her. Whenever she came to visit us (We used to live interstate) there would always be friction. She would do things like offer me something to eat but not my wife. She didnt treat my last girlfriend like that so it was just something that she didnt like about my wife. Unfortunately I made the biggest mistake of always sticking up for my mother and thinking that my wife was just over reacting. A few times when my wife and mother had stopped talking I made my wife bury the hatchet and be the one to start talking again. Eventually I realised that I was wrong not to support my wife. I started to see that in all of the confrontations they had my mother was in the wrong. So I started to stick up for my wife and I spoke to my mother and told her that we would not be tolerating anymore of her crap and coniving ways. Its at the point now that we dont even speak to her after an argument I had with her a few days ago. It sounds as if your MIL either doesnt like you for some reason or has an issue with you. I think your boyfriend needs to talk to her to find out what the problem is. If your boyfriend was here asking what to do I would say to him firstly make sure you always support your wife and stick up for her. Dont let your mother speak badly about her or put her down in anyway. (He should have said something to her straight away after she commented about the car door and the phone call to your mother.) And to let his mother know that he loves you and that you are getting married and he will be starting a family with you. She needs to accept that, let go of him and learn to respect YOU. If she loves and respects her son she will love and respect his new family. Have a talk to him and then he needs to have a talk to her. If you don't fix it now it will get worse. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 This weekend when I almost left him he came into the bathroom to see what was wrong with me and I was just crying and he hugged me and said she was just playing but it was not funny to me. What do they "play" next - torturing puppies and kittens together? Your problem is not your future MIL, it's your BF. It's a huge red flag that he would let you be treated like this, and that he thinks it's funny that you're so upset that you're thinking of ending the relationship makes him sound like a clueless jerk. This is the guy you want to marry ? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Concur, BF needs to grow a set. I had this issue a couple of times with my mom, and literally told her she'd be "gone" , as in disconnected, if she made any disparaging comments about my then fiance or attempted to control our relationship in any way. She looked into the baby blue eyes of her only son and knew he spoke the truth That's not to say she didn't cause problems (later, when developing dementia), but at least I established the boundaries. His mom definitely isn't "playing"... Link to post Share on other sites
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