bladewielder Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 HI um well I am a bi femme and I want an open marrige. I'm 23. Got married at 20. Got together a week before I turned 18. I just want freedom to do what I never got to do...I moved from home in with hubby. No time to sow wild oats...Hubby is fine with me and women just not men. I want to see what other men are like but I love hubby and don't wanna leave him. He says he'll try to make it where he isn't jealous about guys if I give him time. I am soooo comfused. I mean I love hubby but sex isn't so great. We are bestfriends. I tell him everything. I just really need this freedom...I am a very flirty open woman. He knew that from the begining. It's just getting harder and harder not to cheat...I won't cause of the feelings for him and the guilt I'd feel but I've come VERY close. HELP!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I can't believe that any normal, sane human being would put his or her spouse through this. To tell your husband you want to screw other men is cruel beyond imagination. You should have thought about your wild oats before you got married. If you are not able to live up to your marriage committment to your husband, go seek a divorce. There are NO sane men who would tolerate their wife going out and getting laid by other men. Your husband may have known you were flirty before you got married but I'm sure he certainly didn't know you would want to be with other men sexually. I promise you, he will NEVER be able to accept you screwing other men...and if he does, YOU are the one who should be bothered. Please show some mercy towards your husband by giving him a divorce. Then you can go out and screw the world. When you feel you've had enough and you want to get back with your current husband, perhaps you can do that. However, it sounds like you're not all that excited about him at this time. So get a divorce and go get your freedom. But be a decent, civil, considerate human and don't be telling your husband you want sex with other men. That's probably the most hurtful thing a husband can hear his wife say. Geeze!!! You are one woman who should NOT be married. You are nowhere ready to settle down and I hope you now realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I agree w/ Tony. Get a Divorce. Divorce doesn't mean you have to stop seeing your ex-husband - unless he wants to, but show the man some respect and set him free. I'm surprised he hasn't booted you out or left himself yet. Maybe he's codpendent. Get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 there's a time and a place for sowing wild oats – it's called COLLEGE. There really isn't a reason to tell your spouse you want to experiment with other partners, unless you want to give this relationship the Kiss of Death. I agree with the others; if you're not ready to be in a committed relationship, you need to get out before someone gets seriously hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 You're not ready to be in a committed relationship, commitment takes two and both want and need the same thing. He dont want you having sex with other men and I am understanding that you are the reason there are other wemon. am I wrong? Maybe you should let him go because your hurting him in suggesting men and he dont agree orwant to take part in. I know that I would my self take in some feelings of my husbands first. Link to post Share on other sites
LOTSOFLOVE Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 marriage is commitment how do you expect your husband to be ok with having the person he loves have sex with other men Link to post Share on other sites
DanChris7474 Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Around 7 years ago I would agree with your negative replies about sharing your mate with others. But with my lady of the past 6 years, I see and encourage her to enjoy the physical part of sex with another man or woman. This being, our relationship from day one, somehow was of total trust. So we are considering seeing, if possible, adding even more fun times in our relationship by sharing some of our private fantasies with other partners. Believe it or not, it can be done and be very successful! Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Originally posted by DanChris7474 I see and encourage her to enjoy the physical part of sex with another man or woman. The thought of this makes my skin crawl!!! Blah!!!!! One things for sure, it’s obviously NOT for everyone! Where did good ol’ fashion love making go??? Why is this world all about SEX now? It amazes me how its easier to find sex than it is to find a friend!!! Amazing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 Hey now.....this is a great way to completely avoid intimacy and never have to deal with a serious human relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 Originally posted by Ryan Hey now.....this is a great way to completely avoid intimacy and never have to deal with a serious human relationship. That is SOOO true Ryan! Its sooo sad! Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 Originally posted by DanChris7474 Around 7 years ago I would agree with your negative replies about sharing your mate with others. But with my lady of the past 6 years, You say your lady.... is this lady your wife? I see and encourage her to enjoy the physical part of sex with another man or woman. This being, our relationship from day one, somehow was of total trust. So we are considering seeing, if possible, adding even more fun times in our relationship by sharing some of our private fantasies with other partners. Believe it or not, it can be done and be very successful! I really think that her husband DONT LIKE THE IDEA OF THIS! DO YOU THINK THAT SHE SHOULD GO AGENST WHAT HE WANTS? I DONT. Link to post Share on other sites
ethicalslut Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 If an open marriage is what you are looking for this is not the way to go. Obviously you have talked to him about your "feelings" (I applaud this part of your communication) and he has agreed that he doesn't mind you being with women, but he made himself clear. NO MEN. So you don't have sex with men. Period. If you do - it's cheating. If this takes place - divorce is sure to follow. Communications is key for this type of arrangement - so talk more about it if you feel that's what it will take to stretch his frame of mind - BUT be warned, when a man says "no, I don't like the idea of you playing with other men" HE MEANS JUST THAT - and his mind won't be easily changed. But for the love of all that is good - don't cheat - that will hurt your relationship worse than asking for a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
traycee707 Posted August 16, 2003 Share Posted August 16, 2003 The woman came for advise, not to be attacked and put down in the process. I do admire one thing and thats that her and the hubby have a very open relationship ( unlike all the replies that she's gotten from everyone ). Now hon, I think that you should give it some time the hurt will go away and then maybe, just maybe, he'll decide what he wants to do...go for it or head for the boarder. I'm not encouraging you to cheat on the hubby in no way because you do have more than yourself to think about here, but if you really do have a need that just can't be filled by him then the one and only thing that I do agree with the others is to go out and get a divorce. My best wishes for the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
dulcinea Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Bladewielder is looking for advice, not to be judged, and while I may not agree with your marriage lifestyle, I will do my best not to push my opinions on you and offer some helpful advice. That being said, perhaps you could try offering to include your husband in your sexual experiences with these other people. Then, it could be something you do together rather than you alone. I can't help but analyze your post (not that i'm a psychologist or anything). But the statement: I mean I love hubby but sex isn't so great tells me that you are not sexually interested in your hubby anymore and instead of cheating on him outright, you are asking persmission to cheat and labeling it as having an "open marriage". Perhaps this is a way of not feeling as guilty? Just an idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Amyandjs Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Bladewielder doesn't deserve the self-righteous attacks. She is looking for advice people. Bladewielder. I hope you know hon that it takes a lot of trust, commitment, and open communication to make any relationship work. It takes 10X more for an open marriage to work. You have two things going against you: Your husband already indicated that he doesn't want you sleeping with other men, and you two are still relatively young, which means immaturity may be a factor (Notice I said may). If I were you, I would not risk the relationship by experimenting with other men. In fact, you can't begin dabbling with men or women until you have a firm, solid foundation in your marriage. You are still not there, in my opinion. You can do this, but you will be treading on thin ice. Link to post Share on other sites
Bird Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 what about trying to spice things up in the sex department with your husband? you know - get creative. like most aspects of marriage, it requires work, maintainance, and committment, and most important of all - communication. tell your husband what you like, how you like/don't like to be touched, etc... sounds like he has a problem with you being with other guys, and probably would if you had sex with other women, too. he might say he's cool with that, a lot guys get turned on when their wives want to sleep with other women cuz they think they'll get some of that action, too, and maybe they will - but what they don't realize is that those kinds of relationships can pose just as much of a threat as if it were another man. but, different strokes for different folks, and there's always exceptions to the rule. open marriages are possible and can work. i'd say your husband isn't this kinda fella, tho. i think in the long run he'd end up hurting pretty bad. but you really need to reassess what is making you feel these urges. is it just the sex thing or are there other things you feel you are missing out on. this decision has a LOT more to do with than just sex. if that's the ONLY thing missing in your marriage then I recommend you work on it with your husband or buy a very good vibrator. if it's more than that, then you've got some things you need to work out. and what does marriage mean to you? what did it mean to you when you said "i do"? how would you feel if your husband said to you "honey, you're just not rocking my world and i wanna lay other women"? is that something you'd be ok with or would that kinda freak you out? maybe you were too young when you tied the knot, but now you gotta decide what you're going to do about it. do you love husband and stick it out with him, or do you start over. sounds to me you aren't marriage material. being flirty with other people while married just ain't cool. oh sure it can be harmless, but with you it doesn't seem that way. does your husband know how "very close" you've come to crossing the line? i think i speak for most when i say that would drive me nutz if u were my wife. you have to understand that a lot of peeps here are getting offended by what you are saying because it would hurt them if they were the other party. for most people, being told by their spouse that he/she wants to shagg other people is not the sort of thing that makes them feel good inside, but rather sick to their stomach. you and your husband have lots to discuss. think about the future, where you want to be, who you want to be with, what is important to you in life. sexual frustration can often cloud our ability to think rationally. Link to post Share on other sites
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