...I decided to not make the drive in the storm, but this was a problem for him?...

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

I know I make a lot of threads. It's not because I'm in a constant state of anxiety...it's because I really am the type that likes to have a place to anonymously speak how I feel instead of going to friends/family and "complaining" or asking questions about it. I feel like then I will give my BF a bad rap just because I have a few questions about this new relationship. I love him and I know he cares about me and loves me as well.

 

Anyway, today I was supposed to see my BF. He lives about an hour and 15 minutes to an hour and a half away from me. I really wanted to see him and have been looking forward to it since our last visit. Today, the weather in my town and surrounding areas has been really bad. I work in a school district, and school was cancelled today. The garbage truck wouldn't even come to pick up my garbage and there were several accidents in my small town. I called my BF and told him I couldn't drive there today because of the weather and we had gotten a huge weather storm warning throughout the whole evening. Tomorrow is supposed to clear up, so I told him that I would be able to see him tomorrow and stay 'till Monday if he would be able to have Monday free. He wasn't very thrilled with this setup because in the past, I have had some problems getting to his house due to weather (I live at my parents and my mom can be strict about weather conditions but ever since he and I had a talk about this issue, I have left even if my mom didn't like it if I felt it was safe to drive). The past month or so, I have had no problems but today is different because it's very dangerous to drive. He told me he think it's silly when people let weather conditions control how they live their lives so he told me he wanted to drive to my house and pick me up, but I said I wouldn't be comfortable in a car today due to the conditions. Then we spent about an hour looking up weather information, but I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable until tomorrow. He said he was tempted to drive near my house and drive home anyway just to prove that he could do it, but that he knew that was immature. I think he almost did, though.

 

He told me he hates when things control decisions, such as the weather so whenever he feels that's happening he does his best to try and overcome the obstacle so as not to be controlled by it.

 

That was kind of strange to me. My sister became really irritated because she normally never tells me it's not a good idea to drive, but today was horrible. She told me if he came to pick me up she would tell him he obviously had no concern for my safety and didn't deserve to be with me. Because of that mess, I told him it wasn't a good idea to even stop by my house because my family would be very upset with me for leaving and it would cause trouble so it would be easiest for me to leave tomorrow morning. Is it really that big of a deal to make this compromise of me leaving tomorrow and staying until Monday? I feel as if that shouldn't be a problem but I know in the past when I first started breaking away from my mom's strict rules, it took awhile for me to do that so he is probably frustrated with that, however today was my decision.

Edited February 22, 2008 by XxBacktoBlackXx

[Jilly Bean]

Hon, if you weren't in a constant state of anxiety, then you wouldn't need to vent ANYWHERE...

 

You set your boundaries very nicely that you were not comfortable traveling in the weather. I understand him still wanting to see you, however, you need to let him know that will not have your boundaries crossed when you tell him how you feel on something. It's ok for him to have his attitudes, but he needs to respect yours, and not expect you to compromise to appease him.

[spookie]

It's immature of your bf to need to have control over everything, including the weather. I'm glad you stuck to your boundaries. It would have been retarded of you to ride in a car through that weather.

[e.clipse]

that is ridiculous.

 

it is one thing to drive in the rain, if it is mild, and if you are driving within your/same city, but to drive during a more severe weather condition, for an approximate 90 minutes, when you don't have to, is just silly.

 

and by "have," i mean an emergency that would demand you to set out and drive, but that still doesn't detract from the danger.

 

that he got upset at you with this is not only ridiculous, but as your sister cleverly pointed out, but also indicative of how immature he is, so as to not put your safety at a higher importance.

 

there is no other way to look at it, really: if it is raining hard and there is bad weather all around, your boyfriend should be more than receptive to you waiting to come the next day, when it clears up.

 

it's not that driving out in bad weather automatically equals death or something, but it is dangerous. the roads are foggy and slippery. some cars can't brave those types of weather conditions well, which in endangering.

 

he should have completely understood and agreed with you, not make immature remarks about how he wanted to drive to your house and back, just to prove to you that it can be done. that is completely absurd, and i hope you realize that.

 

you said it yourself, BtoB, you do post often, but just take a look at what you post: there is a recurring theme in most all of your threads. and that is of him always wanting to be in the right, and if you don't agree, then you are the one making excuses; you are the bad one.

 

here, you are trying to justify him by second-guessing your decision. however, you need to realize that you made the correct decision, and that in this case, he is being a really immature jerk for even hinting at making you feel bad for being concerned for your safety.

 

it has nothing to do with your parents being strict or anything; it is he who needs to grow up.

[EYECANDY000]

Oviously your bf has never been in any kind of accidents. He has absolutely no respect for your concerns, and wantes to challenge them by proving to you that nothing will happen to him. Sorry to say it but hes a D*ck!!!! For him to get some kind of satisfaction from it it absurd. (ill keep it a simple accident) . But what if he would have gotten into a small fender bender on the way to your house? then what? If you totally believe in something then dont compromise. Especially when it comes to your life. I wish more people was cautious when it comes to bad weather. I think it would have saved me from being in a terrible car accident.

 

Dont budge on someting like this! If he cant accept that you want to see him when the weather clears then he have no concerns for his and your saftey.

 

Oh yea, Ask him have he ever heard of black ice? and thats why they call them accidents, Because its not on purpose!!

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

I know, I'm sure he has heard of black ice but I see your point. I know that this would not be that big of a problem had I been hesitant to see him on other occassions due to my mom being upset with me for leaving during "bad weather"...these conditions were not nearly as bad and since those times, I feel I have done a great job of sticking up for myself in regards to breaking away from my mom's overprotective nature. This situation is different in that it is myself that sees the dangers in the conditions.

 

I was going to let him come and try to pick me up. I told him he could if he wanted to do so and that I would consider going with him if he felt that the conditions on the way here were alright enough to drive in, but it concerned me to think of him making the trip here. I think he felt I was being silly because the majority of the bad roads were only a few miles or so, but those few miles were connected right to my house and were roads I would have to travel to get to the highway. They also had several accidents happen on them today. My Dad was nervous to leave even for work. Granted, he did make it into town and back but he certainly didn't wish to be out in those conditions. I feel like I made the situation worse by telling him he could drive to my house if he wanted to and saying that if he told me the roads were better, I would consider it. After I hung up with it, I talked to my sister who told me if he did indeed come she would tell him he has absolutely no concern for my safety whatsoever, etc. I had to call him back...he hadn't left for my house yet. He was getting gas. I said I didn't think this was a good idea and that, like I had said earlier, we should wait until Saturday and I would drive up. He told me he had a feeling I would tell him I can't make it tomorrow because the roads would be worse, and in past experience, I always call him about weather. He decided he wouldn't come if I had a talk with my sister about letting me make my own decisions.

 

Anyway, I wonder if this weekend will go okay. It's not really off to that great of a start, but I'm not upset. I just feel that it's not necessary to get so worked up over weather and me having to come a day late. He hates when people make plans and breaks them. Honestly, I think it's partly due to him being an only child and used to getting his own way. He's not spoiled in material things, but I feel he's spoiled in terms of attention and expecting things to go his way. I love him very much and I love spending time with him, but today was not much of an option for me. I do feel bad making plans and backing out, but I feel like pushing the date ahead to the next day and saying I could stay an extra day (which he said he had free, so it was fine) would make up for it.

 

The part that kind of frustrated me was when he talked about how people let weather control them, and he is not about to let anything have control over him and make him a victim. It just seemed unnecessary. I called him about a half hour ago 'cause I greatly missed him and he was at his friends' house, so I'm happy he made other plans anyway. He was kind of a little distant on the phone, but that's how he gets around his friends at times.

[Replicant]

Talk about someone being selfish. Would your boyfriend rather see you arrive the next day safely or attempt bad road conditions and end up in the morgue.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

GRRRRR, Now I'm a little bit irritated!! He called me back from when I had called him earlier and was still at his friend's house. Apparently, his friend drove home from a nearby university and said the roads were fine. The funny thing is, his friend lives nowhere near me and was driving from an opposite direction. When my BF made that comment he told me he thought it was funny that his friend drove and said the roads were clear when I wouldn't drive. I told him that it was my area that was experiencing those conditions and he said that we weren't gonna' have this conversation again, just that he thought it was funny. It makes me feel really weird.

[EYECANDY000]

After reading your second response it sounds like your b/f is tired of you making plans and then canceling on him. It seems like you have been making it a habit of making plans and then canceling for whatever reason, whether it has to do with your mom or whatever. When he responded and said that he will come to you, it was out of pure aggravation, because you are coming off as not wanting to spend any time with him. He still shouldnt have attempted the drive, but I can see where his comments are coming from.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

I don't have a habit of cancelling. I've driven to see him and have spent every weekend with him for months consistantly. I have had to call him and say I might not make it because my parents don't want me to drive in this weather, but I always go anyway. He gets upset with me for trying to say I might not be able to come. I haven't said anything about maybe not being able to come for about a month.

[commajockey]

I live in NE Indiana as well and was driving on the roads last night because I *had* to be. The road conditions were unsafe. A drive that normally takes 45 minutes was more than double that last night, and I watched several cars slide off the interstate. I think you made the right decision in waiting a day to go see him. Better to be late than not arrive at all (as someone else already posted).

[Walk]

My bf was down in your area when that storm hit. He drives for a living and the ONLY reason he was on those roads during that time was because his company would have fired him if he didn't go. He said it was horrible, and honestly the weather doesn't normally phase him much. He said there were white outs most the trip and he could barely see 5 feet in front of him.

 

The conditions an hour and a half north of you were much better then your area. And if someone has lived in this region of the country longer then a month, they KNOW the weather conditions vary greatly depending on location.

 

He never should have pressured you to drive there. But you've called him before and said you couldn't go then you change your mind. Why wouldn't he think a little pressure would cause you to change your mind this time too? You've set a pattern that you tell him you don't feel comfortable going (because your parents said no or whatever) and then you prove that your words don't mean much because you'll make the drive anyway.

 

What I see is a consistent message from your bf saying YOU have to risk something you value in order to see him, while he risks nothing. He isn't the one driving to see you every weekend. He's not putting in 3 hours of drive time to see you. He made the comment about his friends because he wanted to pressure you into driving to see him. This wasn't about your safety, or your comfort levels. This was about what he wanted.

 

I think it's great that he wants to see you so badly that he'd risk killing you in order to make that happen. What's he got to lose anyway? A dead gf? So what. He'll get another. And if you don't kill yourself driving there, then he'll get the benefits from your effort, while he did..... what did he do in all this to show he really gives a damn about you? hmm... he didn't risk himself in anyway. He wasn't going to drive down to see you. He only said he was going to drive down to prove it could be done. Not because he cared about you and wanted to see you, but to prove you were being a wimp and push you to make the drive. hmm... so what has he done to comprimise? Oh, wait... he did call to mock you for not driving out. That took a little effort on his part.

 

From experience here... don't give more then the other person is willing to give to you. You'll get used. You give and you give, and your bf will keep pushing for more and more. Don't give unless he's giving an equal amount in return. If you say you can't make it (that storm was horrible and you know it) then he needs to give you the freedom to stay home. Or he needs to come up with an alternative to you driving 3 hours (round trip) in conditions you don't feel comfortable driving in.

 

arg.. Stop devaluing yourself so much! Geez woman. What real man would honestly allow the person he loves to potentially kill herself, or be stranded for hours in a ditch in freezing cold temperatures? No man who loves you would allow that.

Edited February 24, 2008 by Walk

[AriaIncognito]

Talk about someone being selfish. Would your boyfriend rather see you arrive the next day safely or attempt bad road conditions and end up in the morgue.

 

Very agreed on this one. He clearly doesn't have any logical sense. Cars become twisted piles of metal on black ice.

 

Friday night I was supposed to go out with a guy and he didn't find it odd that i cancelled when there was 6 inches of snow on the ground, so I dont get why your boyfriend can't understand the need for safety.

 

Dump this jacka$$.