Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Don't tell me you still want her after all this? It shouldn't be any of your concern if she gets thrown out cos if she did, it would be cos of all her lies! yeah, but.. this has gotten so out of control Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Don't tell me you still want her after all this? It shouldn't be any of your concern if she gets thrown out cos if she did, it would be cos of all her lies! Honestly, SD is no different than an OW who is waiting for her MM to leave once and for all. I'm sure there would be a part of each OW who would take MM if he did actually leave, especially after having a long affair and waiting...And waiting.. Link to post Share on other sites
LOVE DAISIES Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Stamp Daddy I can understand your frustration, but when is enough enough? I am sure if she had HER choice she would keep you both in limbo for as long as she could because it's comfortable for HER. It causes her no strife, or grief to not have to make a decision. Right now she is in turmoil and that is unfamilair territory for her. You SHOULD be happy about this oasis of silence. It may be final but at least you have peace and you are not waiting and wondering. Seems to me though, you are so comfortable with the pain and suffering that it feels good to you, so in a way maybe you need the drama too. The bottom line is...if you actually still want her back after all this...you have no one to blame but yourself for anymore hurt or pain. Is it worth it to you? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 You are allowing her to destroy you. The affair is NOT over, the NC didn't stick, so it goes on and on. Sadly, at one time you somehow thought this was a positive situation, but now you absolutely know it's sheer insanity to continue this. Your self esteem seems to have eroded to the point where you no longer have the strength to do what is right for YOU. You know this isn't going to work. I don't really know what to tell you at this point, all I can do is give you yet another kick to the posterior. BAM! Do you need to be kicked harder? It's starting to sound like a certain angry husband might soon physically do just that, or worse. A human being can only take so much and then they snap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 I think if he calls again, I will answer and say, "do you REALLY need me to tell you it is my phone? Do you REALLY need me to tell you that she is STILLL lying to you about everything? Do you REALLY need me to tell you that the Affair is and has always been "active"???" Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 If he's being gaslighted, yes, he really needs the truth. Is she lying to him? Then he's being gaslighted(a form of spousal abuse, usually accompanied by other forms of abuse), and trying to sort out reality. I don't think he's in denial, but I think he may be seeking the full truth. She will NEVER give that to him, even though he deserves it. No point being a smartass to him, he did nothing to you, and is in fact the one most hurt by this twisted triangle. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Better yet, why don't YOU call HIM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 If he's being gaslighted, yes, he really needs the truth. Is she lying to him? Then he's being gaslighted(a form of spousal abuse, usually accompanied by other forms of abuse), and trying to sort out reality. I don't think he's in denial, but I think he may be seeking the full truth. She will NEVER give that to him, even though he deserves it. No point being a smartass to him, he did nothing to you, and is in fact the one most hurt by this twisted triangle. Yeah, that did kinda of sound "sassy" didnt it.. I am just so mad at her.. She wants me to "get rid of the #" F*** Her! I had to listen to so much BullSh** this morning it made me sick Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Better yet, why don't YOU call HIM? Man, I'd really like to meet with him, but that will never happen Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 DON'T meet him. That might be bad for your health! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Somebody stop me from doing this.. I feel like I am betraying her..... God, MAKE THIS GO AWAY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 She wants me to "get rid of the #" F*** Her! I had to listen to so much BullSh** this morning it made me sick Ok...this is getting sick...and I've really tried to be nice about things. Why is she asking YOU to do ANYTHING about HER HUSBAND?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What kind of woman does this? What is she expecting from you...she wanting you to "have him whacked"??? And why are you evening listening to it, if it makes you so sick????? WHY ARE YOU STILL INVOLVED IN THIS SITUATION?!?!?! WHAT, REALLY, ARE YOU HOPING TO GET OUT OF IT AT THIS POINT?!?!?! Not shouting at you man...but totally lost with where your head is at. She DOES sound like someone who needs some serious help... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Ok...this is getting sick...and I've really tried to be nice about things. Why is she asking YOU to do ANYTHING about HER HUSBAND?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What kind of woman does this? What is she expecting from you...she wanting you to "have him whacked"??? And why are you evening listening to it, if it makes you so sick????? WHY ARE YOU STILL INVOLVED IN THIS SITUATION?!?!?! WHAT, REALLY, ARE YOU HOPING TO GET OUT OF IT AT THIS POINT?!?!?! Not shouting at you man...but totally lost with where your head is at. She DOES sound like someone who needs some serious help... Yeah, it is way beyond repair at this point and I am convinced that something inst right with her anymore... I am done.. Link to post Share on other sites
Aoife Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 You need to think of your mental health!! You seem so mixed up and almost out of control. Have you got any kind of support network...other friends or a doctor or someone you can turn to? You need to get yourself strong so that you can cope better with all this!!! I see my A is messing up my mind and making me very vulnerable, so no matter how it breaks my heart, I'm leaving! Somehow you have to find it in you to do what is right for your health and your mind and your life and your children. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Yeah, it is way beyond repair at this point and I am convinced that something inst right with her anymore... I am done.. Then tell HER that. And tell her H that. Make it clear that she's not welcome to contact you any further, in any fashion. And then change whatever avenues of contact she's used in the past to make it more difficult for her to contact you. Change your phone numbers and email addy's. If she shows up at your house...tell her she's not welcome anymore, and ask her to leave. If she refuses...notify the police. Its the only way you're going to break free of the cycle of insanity that's gone on here. Hang in there, friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 I'm sorry S.Daddy. I know your hurting. I hope this woman hasn't injured your Psyche for future relationships & trust in women. One of the things that attracted me to your story was how romantic you are & able to express with such passion your feelings for her. Some woman will be very fortunate to have you as a partner some day. Most women only dream of men like you. Your a rare find in my world. In fact, with all the men in my life, I have only 1 man my uncle, that is like you. He still acts like he's in the newlywed part of his relationship with my aunt. They've been married almost 50 years. You know what you need to do & when. But I'll give my ideas anyway. You should clear your house of all her things. If you keep any mementos put them out of site. You need to make her realize it's over because she knows how to find you & can keep dragging this on for years. Did you read Cagney's thread? Just his first page is enough to see how his A was dragged on & on for 7 years! Think of packing up her things & shipping them to her H where he has to sign for it. Enclose a letter explaining what you've told us. That she always told you she was leaving him. Tell him you are done & don't want to have any contact with her ever again. And lastly, apologize for the pain you have put this man through. That's just my thoughts on it all. It's killing me to see you like this & I don't even know you. Please keep us informed of whatever you do. Some posters fade away & we never know what came of them. Hang in there bud! =^-^= Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 (edited) Wait, she wants you to change your number? That's her solution?!? Please say you won't do that. What incredible selfishness, to ask you to disrupt your life even further so that her husband won't keep trying to reach you. Another way for that to happen is if she were honest with him for a change. :rolleyes: She needs to grow up, and now. You aren't betraying her, stamp, she's letting you down. And him. Ugh. Edited February 27, 2008 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Yeah, it is way beyond repair at this point and I am convinced that something inst right with her anymore... I am done.. Hugs, Stamp. Big strong bear hugs. I know you deserve more. WF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 I'm sorry S.Daddy. I know your hurting. I hope this woman hasn't injured your Psyche for future relationships & trust in women. One of the things that attracted me to your story was how romantic you are & able to express with such passion your feelings for her. Some woman will be very fortunate to have you as a partner some day. Most women only dream of men like you. Your a rare find in my world. In fact, with all the men in my life, I have only 1 man my uncle, that is like you. He still acts like he's in the newlywed part of his relationship with my aunt. They've been married almost 50 years. You know what you need to do & when. But I'll give my ideas anyway. You should clear your house of all her things. If you keep any mementos put them out of site. You need to make her realize it's over because she knows how to find you & can keep dragging this on for years. Did you read Cagney's thread? Just his first page is enough to see how his A was dragged on & on for 7 years! Think of packing up her things & shipping them to her H where he has to sign for it. Enclose a letter explaining what you've told us. That she always told you she was leaving him. Tell him you are done & don't want to have any contact with her ever again. And lastly, apologize for the pain you have put this man through. That's just my thoughts on it all. It's killing me to see you like this & I don't even know you. Please keep us informed of whatever you do. Some posters fade away & we never know what came of them. Hang in there bud! =^-^= That is so sweet of you to say to me... I wanted to be your uncle.. It was my goal, I am dying now, but WILL be OK... Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I think that you WILL get the chance to be that kind of man for some woman. The deal is...you gotta be that kind of man for a woman that is free to give her heart to you in return. This one wasn't. And her conflicting actions clearly show her conflicted heart in all of this. Heal from this...learn from this. Then use what you've learned when you meet someone that you CAN be with. Hang in there friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 I think that you WILL get the chance to be that kind of man for some woman. The deal is...you gotta be that kind of man for a woman that is free to give her heart to you in return. This one wasn't. And her conflicting actions clearly show her conflicted heart in all of this. Heal from this...learn from this. Then use what you've learned when you meet someone that you CAN be with. Hang in there friend. I am not going to "doubt" that there is someone out there, BUT, right now, today, there is so much pain over what I though we "coulda had", and started to have... However, I am already starting to look at what I DIDN'T HAVE Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 You might also start factoring such things as COULD NEVER HAVE HAD SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD and compare those to your NEED TO HAVE's. Link to post Share on other sites
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