Found out why MM has been "ignoring" me

[Gwyneth]

I'm having a Very hard time dealing with this, and felt that I needed to post this for a few reasons: 1. to get it off my chest, and 2. to show some people that there is more than one reason men don't reply to a woman's message.

 

As I mentioned last night, MM's friend was going to stop by. He has been a friend of my sister and I for many years but we actually lost contact when he moved. Anyway, she and I were uniquly close to him.

 

He first told me that he didn't want to discuss MM over the phone and that he should come over to talk to me. I didn't think anything of this. Well okay, I was a little tense, but I have other things occupying my mind now that the tense wasn't so bad. When he first came into my place, we made small talk of how are you's and what not, and then I asked what's going on with MM. Of course he knows MM and I have been having an affair, and until yesterday, of course, he didn't know I was pregnant.

 

Apparently MM is suffering from serious injuries and has been confined to a hospital for the past couple of weeks. My heart shattered, literally. I never would have imagined this. He didn't know specifics, but said that MM was in very critical condition but is now coming back day by day. The rumor is that his wife pushed him down a flight of stairs--but this is only a rumor and he wasn't sure if there was much truth behind that. He doesn't have many details but was going to visit MM as soon as he was able to accept visitors other than immediate family. MM's company didn't even know this happened until a few days after he wasn't showing up for work.

 

I of course broke down last night because I feel very guilty for all the emails I have sent him accusing him of ignoring me when he's doing nothing but trying to live. I didn't sleep at all last night. I took this snowy day off from work and went to stay with my mother as she comforted me and told me "everything will be alright." I cannot believe this is happening. I didn't even know how to react last night when MM's friend told me this--it was the last thing I expected to hear. I was expecting him to say he fleed the country, or quit his job, or is hiding from me, but never in a thousand years imagined him to say "he's injured and in critical condition." I wish he was hiding from me now and not in serious condition.

 

I'm very torn and I can't help but think of some of the things I was told on this board about Why he wasn't responding to me. The arguments I had with posters last night, and the cruelity I put up with about why married man wasn't responding to me.

 

I think this is a lesson to all--don't assume; find your facts first. There are many reasons why someone isn't returning your phone calls or emails. Unfortunately for me, the reason is because receiver has been in critical condition. I'd give anything now for the reason to be that he used me and is now hiding from me. That would feel much better than this.

 

I wasn't even going to post this but I felt it was the right thing to do since I know some of you actually do care and have reached out to me.

 

Friend is going to see if he can bring me to visit MM once he is receiving non-family visitors. I'm a wreck but I will make it through this. I really need to see him right now just to see he's okay. I am praying for him that he will be okay. I never wanted harm done to him, ever; not like this at least.

 

I may be the OW to him, but I still have a heart, and he was very dear to me at one point, and I would never wish criticalness on anyone.

 

That's all I have to say. Thank you to those who really did believe in me, my situation, the baby, and supported me

[bentnotbroken]

Now that you know what is going on, don't you think that you should step back and take care of yourself. You have been back and forth on what you want and how you feel(normal, I think) but none the less, it is an emotionally charged situation. As you don't want anyone jumping to conclusions, don't jump to conclusions about how he was injured. His wife may not even be involved. Let his family handle what is going on now, you take care of your child.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Well, that said I wouldn't drop the baby news on him just yet.

[GreenEyedLady]

Keep taking care of yourself...If he needs you, he'll let you know...

 

(((HUGS)))

[whichwayisup]

Of course he knows MM and I have been having an affair, and until yesterday, of course, he didn't know I was pregnant.

 

Does this mean the MM's friend knows you're pregnant?

 

Well, I know you probably won't agree with me on this, but don't go see him. If anything, talk to him on the phone. You don't need to be around him and get sucked back into the affair. Your emotions are all over the place right now and you're vunerable. I doubt it would take much from him to make you feel something again and want to go back to him..

 

Plus, if it is true his wife pushed him down the stairs, you should NOT be around him especially since she's suspicious of your 'friendship' with him to begin with.

 

Don't get sucked into his drama..That stress you don't need.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow, this story has more twists and turns than a bad romance novel......

 

Regardless of why he was ignoring you, you reached some conclusions about the finality of the A.

 

What was that about getting something off your chest? That seemed odd to say when the friend claims the man is in the hospital.

 

I am a cynic at heart, so shoot me for not believing that he is banged up in a hospital somewhere. Or that rumor about who is responsible for his alleged injuries....

[whichwayisup]

Where is MM's step son then? If MM's wife really pushed her husband down a flight of stairs and he's badly hurt, are the police involved? Is the child in child's aid or with his real father?

 

Im not completely saying that your MM is lying here, or has the friend lying to you, but just know it's possible. Look at Imstunned MM and the lies he told her over and over again.

[noforgiveness]

oh please what nonsense. if you are in love with him and you heard his wife hurt him you would rush to be by his side. You would be confident of his love and know after wifey did something this horendous he would want to see you.

 

sounds like a story to me.

[norajane]

Gwyneth, you should not go anywhere near that hospital. The last thing you need is for his wife to find you there.

 

Even if you feel the need to go to his side, your baby does not need the drama if you get caught there.

[Mino]

can you call the Hospital and verify that he is there? Say you are a family friend, and want to have flowers dilivered to his room, you need to know what room number he is in. What do you think???

[White Flower]

 

That's all I have to say. Thank you to those who really did believe in me, my situation, the baby, and supported me

 

Gwyn,

 

please take care. This could so be written into a screen play. Don't ask what next because the universe will show you.

 

Good luck, hon.

[Ms. Red]

can you call the Hospital and verify that he is there? Say you are a family friend, and want to have flowers dilivered to his room, you need to know what room number he is in. What do you think???

 

With our Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) the hospital may not even acknowledge he's even there. It protects the privacy of patients Personal Heathcare Information (PHI) so much that healthcare workers are warned of $50k fines & prison time if a patient has not given permission to realease their PHI.

[Ms. Red]

For those of you that think this info is fabricated why don't you do us all a favor & keep that crap to yourselves. Some people are sick individuals that want to push Gwyn's buttons. You are deliberately trying to upset her to respond so you can fire back your bull$hit & attack her.

 

She doesn't post every single detail on here for a reason. You jump to conclusions based on parts of the situation she chooses to post.

[Gwyneth]

can you call the Hospital and verify that he is there? Say you are a family friend, and want to have flowers dilivered to his room, you need to know what room number he is in. What do you think???

 

I'm one step ahead of you, Mino I called and got through to a nurse. She said right now he's not in any shape to have visitors.

 

To the others, I don't know where the kid is. I'm not running to be by his side because not only am I not in love with him, but its not necessary. I don't care where his wife is. Right now I just want him to get better.

 

What is wrong with some of you?

[sb129]

Wow' date=' this story has more twists and turns than a bad romance novel........[/quote']

 

This is kind of why some people have problems believing you.

 

Also, your sister jumping on and criticising LS posters without really knowing the nature of the site didn't really help your case either.

 

And... there HAVE been posters on LS before who were OWs who made everything up, and were stringing many people (including me initially) along for ages. So some of us are going to be a little more cynical at times, esp when there are so many dramatic detail.

 

I'm one step ahead of you, Mino I called and got through to a nurse. She said right now he's not in any shape to have visitors.

 

To the others, I don't know where the kid is. I'm not running to be by his side because not only am I not in love with him, but its not necessary. I don't care where his wife is. Right now I just want him to get better.

 

What is wrong with some of you?

 

See above.

 

Before the last thread got closed, I was trying to tell you to concentrate on yourself, and your baby, and to assume that you are going to be bringing your baby into the world without much (or any) help from MM.

 

The sooner you get used to that, the easier it will be for you. Your family are being supportive, which is great.

 

MM has a right to know, but it isn't an appropriate time for you to tell him right now.

I would also stay well away from that family just now- if his W really DID push him down the stairs, she is obviously a dangerous woman who would probably think nothing of hurting you, and you need to keep yourself safe.

 

If he is in hospital, then he is safe, and thats all the reassurance you need right now.

[InvisibleGirl]

Seems like you detest this man since the moment you've been posting about all of this on here, don't see why you would get involved if thats the case....

 

 

If anything ever happened to my MM no way I wouldnt go see him, at some point my protecting him from the consequences of me being in his life would need to end and that would do it. If he loves me the way he says he does he would want me there and if he didnt oh well, he'd deserve every bit of the **** storm that followed.....

[OldEurope]

Dear Gwenyth,

 

My heart truly goes out to you. This is very sad and upsetting.

 

I married my former "MM". But it was a rocky road there. Once, he was sent to the hospital for surgery because his wife kicked him ferociously in the you-know-whats (oh, he is "up" and running now, to be sure:D). He had to have some major surgery. she also burned his skin (on his arm) with her cigarettes. All of it pathetic and juvenile.

 

She never visited the hospital (his ex wife). I sure as heck did. A couple of times. This was about love, care and concern. I did not care who would be there or not. I was ready for any "lobby" confrontations. I acted out of a sense of protection. He was (is) my heart and soul, no matter what anyone thought.

 

I do not care how bad a marriage is, or whether or not there is an affair. No one, absolutely no one, has a right to be physically violent against another person.

 

I agree with the others that this is not the time to tell him about the baby, that would be too much. Psychology has an enormous effect on physical healing (people can "will" themselves to get better or not depending on their mental health).

 

I would write him a letter--not an Email--but a good, old fashioned, hand written apology on nice paper when the time is right, apologizing for your anxious emails as to his whereabouts. He will know that all that was all "human" error. But do not send another "email". Emails are cheap. They are for quick communciation. A letter is more emotional, more personal, more considerate.

 

One step at a time. One thing at a time. Everything has its place, time, season, etc. All you have to do is be careful and cautious.

 

IF I were you I would absolutely want to visit the hospital. I might leave a note for a nurse to give to him "Thinking of You"--and that is all

or something along those lines. You don't have to sign it, or you could add a telling detail to it so he would know it is you. If you think that he/you will be caught by "her" then do not. But I would try to get over there. I would not be able to bear the fact that the father of my child--right or wrong--was in such terrible condition.

 

Do not worry about the other posters who might be overly critical/insulting to you. It is part of joining the public forum. We roll with the punches but we hold tight to our own convictions.

 

xo

OE

 

 

 

Of course, send it to his work address, not his home address.

Edited February 23, 2008 by OldEurope

[bentnotbroken]

Convictions??Hmm. Anyway it is never o.k. to abuse another human physically, but it seems you think it is o.k. to abuse another human mentally and emotionally. That's what an affair is, abuse. On the spouse and the family. If you are unhappy, leave and do what you will with who you will, but to stay in a marriage and give that which belongs in a marriage to someone else is abuse.

 

Gwen needs to think about her child and her health, nothing more.

[OldEurope]

Often the mental and emotional abuse comes from within the marriage itself. That is very often why affairs happen. And not everyone can run to the divorce court first thing, if there are children involved.

 

OE

[Mino]

Dear Gwenyth,

 

My heart truly goes out to you. This is very sad and upsetting.

 

I married my former "MM". But it was a rocky road there. Once, he was sent to the hospital for surgery because his wife kicked him ferociously in the you-know-whats (oh, he is "up" and running now, to be sure:D). He had to have some major surgery. she also burned his skin (on his arm) with her cigarettes. All of it pathetic and juvenile.

 

She never visited the hospital (his ex wife). I sure as heck did. A couple of times. This was about love, care and concern. I did not care who would be there or not. I was ready for any "lobby" confrontations. I acted out of a sense of protection. He was (is) my heart and soul, no matter what anyone thought.

 

I do not care how bad a marriage is, or whether or not there is an affair. No one, absolutely no one, has a right to be physically violent against another person.

 

I agree with the others that this is not the time to tell him about the baby, that would be too much. Psychology has an enormous effect on physical healing (people can "will" themselves to get better or not depending on their mental health).

 

I would write him a letter--not an Email--but a good, old fashioned, hand written apology on nice paper when the time is right, apologizing for your anxious emails as to his whereabouts. He will know that all that was all "human" error. But do not send another "email". Emails are cheap. They are for quick communciation. A letter is more emotional, more personal, more considerate.

 

One step at a time. One thing at a time. Everything has its place, time, season, etc. All you have to do is be careful and cautious.

 

IF I were you I would absolutely want to visit the hospital. I might leave a note for a nurse to give to him "Thinking of You"--and that is all

or something along those lines. You don't have to sign it, or you could add a telling detail to it so he would know it is you. If you think that he/you will be caught by "her" then do not. But I would try to get over there. I would not be able to bear the fact that the father of my child--right or wrong--was in such terrible condition.

 

Do not worry about the other posters who might be overly critical/insulting to you. It is part of joining the public forum. We roll with the punches but we hold tight to our own convictions.

 

xo

OE

 

 

 

Of course, send it to his work address, not his home address.

I think this is the best way, through a letter, given to the nurse, She is not in love with him anymore, but cares for his well being. I think your right OE,

[bentnotbroken]

Often the mental and emotional abuse comes from within the marriage itself. That is very often why affairs happen. And not everyone can run to the divorce court first thing, if there are children involved.

 

OE

 

 

 

No affairs happen because one or both partners are to big a cowards and selfish to walk away when they know it isn't working. Instead they wish to bring outsiders into an already messed up situation and use the excuse it was messed up so I cheated, bull crap.

[child_of_isis]

If his wife pushed him, she is probably in jail or ordered to stay away from him until the hearing.

 

Running into his wife at the hospital is the last thing I would be worrying about.

Gwyneth, you should not go anywhere near that hospital. The last thing you need is for his wife to find you there.

 

Even if you feel the need to go to his side, your baby does not need the drama if you get caught there.

[norajane]

If his wife pushed him, she is probably in jail or ordered to stay away from him until the hearing.

 

Running into his wife at the hospital is the last thing I would be worrying about.

 

Yeah, that's if you believe an unsubstantiated rumor that she pushed him down the stairs. And if that rumor is just that, a rumor, and she did not push him down any stairs?

[Gwyneth]

How weird. I feel that a bunch of posts from this morning between 730 am and 10 am have gone missing. I replied again before 10 am this morning and it was in response to another post that is no longer on here. Oh well--technology!

 

Anyway, I was reading the recent posts since 10 am this morning on my way home tonight so I am going to quickly respond to whatever it was that I remember reading.

 

First, I'm not in love with him--never was, never planned on that happening either. I cared for him as I care about all my friends, but Love is too strong of a word to be felt with him. Second, I do believe his wife harmed him because of some of the things he has said to me. Most men don't admit their wives are abusive--do they? I also saw a bruise on his arm last fall. Third, I will most likely go to the hospital to see him when he is able to receive visitors. I of course will Not be telling him I am pregnant, but I will give him my blessings. I would regret not going to see him under these conditions. Our friend in common will, of course, make sure the wife is not there when I go to visit. I am not sure where the wife is--whether she's locked up or what not. I also do not know where the child is. Friend only had minor details because of course, he is hearing this through his boss, who heard through his boss, and you know how that game works.

 

I am also undecided about the situation with the baby. Even though he's injured right now, that does not change the fact that he's irresponsible and not a canidate for fatherhood. His injuries do not melt my heart and justify the facts. I have also thought that if I do tell him, I will ask him to either give up his rights as a parent, or provide financial support, but to not interfere. There are unfortunately more important things at stake here, such as his life. Until he is better and legal situations are taken care of as far as his wife is concerned, I cannot burden him with parenthood dilemmas. I'm staying strong, and trying not to stress more than I already am.

 

Thank you to the supporters

[White Flower]

Gwen,

 

You sound so strong and reasonable right now. It's amazing considering your condition and hormonal state. You are doing the right thing. See him, find out what's going on, and let your spirit guide you.