Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 An old friend has suddenly reappeared in my life. We always had an easy, flirty rapport, but I never did anything because of the age difference. We are 9 years apart - he is his mid twenties, me in my mid 30's. The reappearance resulted in him contacting me during my radio show, (I'm a DJ) and briefly catching up on our lives, then him aggressively asking me to get together with him without formally asking for a "date". I got out of it somehow and told him he could call me anytime during my show. Two weeks later, he called again, this time cutting to the chase and even more aggressively asking to get together. I got out of it again and took his phone number but never called. Three weeks later, he arrived at my station without calling and when we greeted at the door, we embraced tightly. He wouldn't let go when I tried to release. The kind of thing that makes you have to stand there and get back to hugging. This happened two more times in the course of the visit. Also an awkward shoulder rub that seemed kind of out of place. Just to clarify, I've always been interested in this guy, am happy to hear from him and feel chemistry. About 4 days later I called and left a message on his machine saying thanks for coming and I hoped to see him again. It's two days later and I haven't heard from him. So I'm pretty sure he's interested, but I'm really confused. It's been so long since I've seen him - like 7 years - and I only knew him platonically back then. What does the hug that won't let go actually mean? And why would someone be so assertive over and over, then not call back? Can assertive guys actually be nervous? Am I just not getting some obvious clue? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 You haven't said whether you are interested in pursuing anything with him- are you? You have given him a few mixed signals, like getting out of seeing him etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 I'm interested in getting to know him again. I knew him as a teenager - thats a fair difference from an adult, so I feel I need to take things a little slowly. Yes I am attracted, but I don't move at the speed of light, which is what his approach feels like. Fast movers are a little confusing..... Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Hmm. If he is a fast mover as you say, then perhaps this is an indication that you may not be compatible? He does sounds rather aggressive. I guess if he doesn't respond that puts you in the position of whether you contact him AGAIN, which he will probably take to mean you ARE interested, or whether you let this one go. Tough one. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 OP, did it ever occur to you that he's been romantically interested in you for a long time and just never said or did anything about it? If you didn't get that emotional energy from his embrace, you're likely not into him, though you said you always had a "flirty rapport". "Assertive" would be one day between contact, not weeks (2 and 3 by your report). He's interested in you. What are you going to do about it? Are you currently in another relationship? Do you know where he lives or works? Show a little assertiveness yourself My guess is he felt he overwhelmed you (or he was overwhelmed) by the physical contact of the last visit and is feeling guilty that he didn't play it "cooler". Embarrassed? I don't know. Does the age difference bother you? He doesn't sound like the kind of guy looking for a quick boink, does he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Well I'll be honest with you carhill, that's why I'm confused. I agree with you and would like to think it's romantic and sweet but I don't know. I do feel a little better hearing what you say - but wonder if the "urgency" isn't a desperation of some kind. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Well there is no way of knowing at the moment! Maybe he is a little intimidated by you? You ARE older, after all, AND you got out of seeing him twice, which would have knocked his confidence a little. Carhill made some good points, and when people are nervous it can come across as something slightly more negative/ aggressive. Sorry I didn't spot that sooner. THe ball is still kind of in your court I guess.... you could give it a few more days, call him again, and take it from there. If he IS interested in you romantically though, he might take it quite hard if you pursue a meeting with him, only for it to go nowhere. Proceed with caution!!! I would be interested to know if the age difference bothers you- it would me a little I think, but thats a personal preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 I guess it doesn't bother me, which is odd, because usually it does. It did back in the day because he was a minor. Maybe I'm still clinging to that image? The other guy who gave me a "hug that wouldn't let go" is 13 years OLDER than me. They are both guys who I like inside and out so it's got me reconsidering this belief I've always had. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 (edited) I think that means she's not in a relationship Seriously, if you aren't, I'd strongly recommend exploring the possibilities. I think you would have to be patient, as you likely have more life experience and know better how to "pace" a relationship. You understand the inside and out dynamic, so that's really good news. I think you'll find, once you move past the surface, this younger guy might really surprise you. We'll see.... Edited February 23, 2008 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Well thank you both very much. I feel so much better and like I can get out of this obsessive thinking I've been in. You've both been a big help. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Hang around. You can help me through my divorce Seriously, I hope you'll update us. This sort of dynamic isn't often discussed, by my readings here, and I have some personal experience in this regard. I'd like to see how my instincts fly IRL. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeyspur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 I'd be happy to help - direct me to any thread or pm me anytime, it's no problem I will definately keep you updated. Link to post Share on other sites
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