Jump to content

Lifestyle or "Lie-Style"


Recommended Posts

  • Author
Thank yo ufor admitting that.. Again, speaking ONLY for me, I did give myself, my heart, my love and my soul to the "HOPE" of 'US"... now, I am left scrambling to get some of it back.... This WILL effect me forever...

 

This is the same thing I went thru. People dont understand until they go thru it. Everybody in an "A" is not there for the same reasons. I know why I was there because he was suppose to leave. It is a long story. Hearing what you wrote was very painful cause I know how you feel. He text me after 2 week saying Hello, how are you?..It just made feel all these feelings. His w contacted me once....about 2 weeks ago. I knew then, it is time to let this go. She made it clear she still got him. I was like okay fine

Link to post
Share on other sites

One common thing strikes me in almost all of the CS stories I read on here and in other forums: CONFUSION. The CS is so confused about everything, I don't see how they can possibly love anyone well. Their emotions are in such a jumble. It's like schizophrenic or something. They're sure about it one day, and then reverse course the next.

Link to post
Share on other sites
child_of_isis

This is exactly what OW's go through. They believe, they trust.

 

99 percent of the OW's on this board could have written your post word for word.

 

They may get a lot of "you chose"....which is true to some point..but when all is said and done, their actions and decisions were based on a false reality that someone INTENTIONALLY fashioned for them. With lies and emotional manipulation.

 

It ain't pretty.

 

I will speak for ME only.. I did not know what I was getting into, I DID trust her, I DID believe that we were heading for WE.. I NEVER would have done this had I known what I know today.. I NEVER wanted an "affair"... and I AM tearing myself up pretty bad right now, but trying to remain healthy.. thanks for your support though
Link to post
Share on other sites
You OW/OM are making it so easy for these CS to stay in the M.

 

What they are lacking at home you give it to them,which is why you make it easy for them to stay with the SO.

 

Sorry to say this but if when you got involved with MM/MW you knew what you signed up for.

 

How could you possibly believe that you deserve trust and honesty from the MM/MW if they are not even giving truth and honesty to the SO.

 

The only person you should be angry with is yourself,for actually falling for that crap,so if you want to tear someone a new a@@hole you should start with yourself.

 

Sorry guys, what's CS?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I totally agree with you lakesidedream.

 

I would not want the drama and heartache that come with that path therefor that is one route i will not take.

 

But alot of poeple have no problem going down that path,i never understood whats so appealing about having a relationship in secretcy,sharing the person,not being able to spend holidays with them.

 

you know all the simple things that come with being M,why settle for a portion of the person?

 

It wasn't really the secrecy, the sharing of the OP, or the not spending the holidays with them that drew us in. Those are all warning signs that we're well aware of while pondering entering an A.

 

It is the actual person-the once in a life-time meeting of a person that makes you feel like no other has made you feel before. You ask yourself, 'do I really want to pass this person up if it means I don't want to share this person, miss out on the holidays with him/her be his/her secret?'

 

Most of us couldn't pass it up because that person was worth it all.

 

I hope to not go through what 9lives and Stamp are going through now. My heart goes out to you both.

 

Hugs.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CS = cheating spouse ? (maybe)

 

Thanks! I knew WS was wandering spouse. I wondered it CS meant confused spouse, lol.:rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks! I knew WS was wandering spouse. I wondered it CS meant confused spouse, lol.:rolleyes:

 

perhaps WS should be "wondering spouse"... :p

Link to post
Share on other sites
perhaps WS should be "wondering spouse"... :p

 

I sure am wondering!

 

And hey, why doesn't LS update their list of acronyms? I'll do it if they let me:p

Link to post
Share on other sites
This is exactly what OW's go through. They believe, they trust.

 

99 percent of the OW's on this board could have written your post word for word.

 

They may get a lot of "you chose"....which is true to some point..but when all is said and done, their actions and decisions were based on a false reality that someone INTENTIONALLY fashioned for them. With lies and emotional manipulation.

 

It ain't pretty.

 

 

You are soooo right. I would NEVER have let things go as far as they did had I known the truth of the situation. In my experience, the ONLY person who knew the truth was the MM - his W and I were both being lied to and manipulated. I loved him dearly at the time but now I know his true colours I am glad he's out of my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The minute a man tells me that he is living a double-life in being with me, I would hit the road.

 

That immediately tells me that he is not being authenic in both of them - as in lying to both people for whatever reason.

 

Can't blame the MP for your own decision to get involved with them only based on one side of the story. Own up to your own decisions in the AR. It took two, not one.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I loved him dearly at the time but now I know his true colours I am glad he's out of my life.

 

This sentence jumped out at me, it's how I feel about my exMM. If I had never gotten involved with him, I would never have seen his "true colors" and would probably still be idolizing him to this day. As it is, I'm glad he is only a minor part of my distant past and nothing more. And I'm glad I went through that when I did (young) and learned not to repeat the same mistakes (don't sh*t where you eat; he's just a man; don't ignore your own intuition; etc.etc.).

 

OK, I give -- what I'm REALLY doing here is reminding myself of those lessons as I'm currently tempted to repeat them now...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Thread,

I know this experience. You only ask to yourself if you will be still happy with him even he was a lier. Back to him and restart agan forget lies.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The man I'm in love with tells me his head is 'pickled' at how hard it is leading the double life...I always tried to be sympathetic - how thick am I????:o he isn't married - he lives with her and their two daughters. I think if he had been married I might not have started this - you know that old saying 'there's no ring on her finger'!! Plus if they'd married before God that would be something that might make me stop. But...it did give me hope, that he never married her, like maybe he just didn't love her enough!!:confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites
InvisibleGirl
The minute a man tells me that he is living a double-life in being with me, I would hit the road.

 

That immediately tells me that he is not being authenic in both of them - as in lying to both people for whatever reason.

 

Can't blame the MP for your own decision to get involved with them only based on one side of the story. Own up to your own decisions in the AR. It took two, not one.

 

amazing that they all use the same words. I like to think that no way is my MM just trying to manipulate me, that he is somehow different than a lot of the men I read about on here but reading the things others are going through makes me try to emotionally distance myself from him and hold back when Im around him to protect myself. Its not an easy thing to do when you feel very comfortable and trusting around someone though.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
The man I'm in love with tells me his head is 'pickled' at how hard it is leading the double life...I always tried to be sympathetic - how thick am I????:o he isn't married - he lives with her and their two daughters. I think if he had been married I might not have started this - you know that old saying 'there's no ring on her finger'!! Plus if they'd married before God that would be something that might make me stop. But...it did give me hope, that he never married her, like maybe he just didn't love her enough!!:confused:

 

Him ADMITTING he is living a double life should be enough to let you know....he is caking. The minute those words came out of my xmm mouth, I lost respect. It depends what you want and what you are suppose to be doing. If he is not leavin then...I guess do your thang. But if he is suppose to be leaving and he is saying double life mess...dump him and tell him to make a decision. He is probably a professional fence rider.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
amazing that they all use the same words. I like to think that no way is my MM just trying to manipulate me, that he is somehow different than a lot of the men I read about on here but reading the things others are going through makes me try to emotionally distance myself from him and hold back when Im around him to protect myself. Its not an easy thing to do when you feel very comfortable and trusting around someone though.

 

Well my xmm was very involved in my life and I would have never thought he would betray me and that is the part that hurts so so much. I trusted and believed him. We were close. We talked everday. We are work for the same company. We tried to start a business together. I did see him every holiday, he never missed one. He did for my kids. I met some of his family, lots of his friends, and the list goes on and on. We had our own life together. We need all the couple things except he did not spend the night. We spend alot of time together. I almost felt like she did not exist.

 

Then he told me he did not want to tell me he loved me in a birthday card. It was very wierd. It was the begining of where I am today. The story is long but I would not have let myself get this involved if he would have been upfront and if he did not make me believe there was a us. I felt betrayed and I feel angry to the tenth power even today. He knew that if I knew he was even considering working things out, I would have walked. Pain and all.

When i figured out some things ....I felt crushed. I have not talked to hin in 2 weeks. He text me asking how I'm doing....I just deleted it. I wanted to say angry for respecting and loving you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He text me asking how I'm doing....I just deleted it. I wanted to say angry for respecting and loving you.

 

Wow, 9Lives -- that takes enormous emotional strength to delete that contact attempt without responding at all... with all the negative emotions you're grappling with right now. I think this is a very significant thing, and you should feel very good about it. You're doing the right thing, and you're on the right path out of this. Go You!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Wow, 9Lives -- that takes enormous emotional strength to delete that contact attempt without responding at all... with all the negative emotions you're grappling with right now. I think this is a very significant thing, and you should feel very good about it. You're doing the right thing, and you're on the right path out of this. Go You!!

 

He changed me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He changed me.

she changed ME too.. And I have always felt in "good" ways.. I am 41, met her when I was 37.. Have lived a good life, traveled, lived in different places, have been married before and have 2 wonderful children, BUT, it was like I have been waiting for her all of my life.. SO MANY new things to discover, so many things she added to my life, and all this time I have believed in so much becuase of her, on MANY levels... I dont question that she loves me, she adores me, but she is stuck in this "double life" pattern and she can't get out of it.. Just last week, her IC told her the same thing and that she needs to shake things up.. BUT, I am starting to lose respect and I am terribly frightened that I will have the same feelings that SO MANY of you have and that sucks to give into those feelings, when all along, I believed in her... BUT, with all of this said, she has NEVER given up on me. She has NEVER quit on me. So, I dont know what to think or feel. I AM SO NUMB

Link to post
Share on other sites

she always seems very sweet to me and I know this isn't easy for either of us.. she sings this song to me, and yes I am a bit of a romantic, so I "believe" in little things.. These are the things that are going to hurt the most, losing ALL i believed:

 

"There's a place for us,

Somewhere a place for us.

Peace and quiet and open air

Wait for us

Somewhere.

 

There's a time for us,

Some day a time for us,

Time together with time spare,

Time to learn, time to care,

Some day!

 

Somewhere.

We'll find a new way of living,

We'll find a way of forgiving

Somewhere . . .

 

There's a place for us,

A time and place for us.

Hold my hand and we're halfway there.

Hold my hand and I'll take you there

Somehow,

Some day,

Somewhere!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not surprised you loved her, if she did that. My MM sings Always a Woman by Billy Joel to me. I love it - but I also wonder if he is just a master of manipulation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm not surprised you loved her, if she did that. My MM sings Always a Woman by Billy Joel to me. I love it - but I also wonder if he is just a master of manipulation.

I know she loves me, with ALL of her heart.. And she always will.. She is just so stuck.. And I had this talk with her Friday, that there now seems to be only 2 ways this is going to go, and NEITHER are good for US..

1. I finally break, which I am in the middle of doing, and if I do so, so will my heart, and "if" she came back, I wouldnt be any good for US.. And if I reluctantly took here back, she would wonder "why is he really here..?"

 

or

 

2. H finds us out AGAIN, and she is "forced" to me... and it also seems that we are in the middle of this too... And then I am left to wonder, "why are you really here...?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Stamp, you just seem so unhappy to me - I don't really know your story very well, but I've read little bits, and you seem all-consumed by her...just make sure you don't lose yourself!!!

I don't know what you should do (I'm in love with a man who's firmly taken) but I do know I'm so simple I would probably wait forever no matter how bad things got, and put up with all kinds..but it doesn't mean I think it's the right thing to do!!

A broken heart recovers. And your choices seem like Hobson's choice - no choice!! Whatever happens, you're still left with confusion and distress for someone!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Stamp, you just seem so unhappy to me - I don't really know your story very well, but I've read little bits, and you seem all-consumed by her...just make sure you don't lose yourself!!!

I don't know what you should do (I'm in love with a man who's firmly taken) but I do know I'm so simple I would probably wait forever no matter how bad things got, and put up with all kinds..but it doesn't mean I think it's the right thing to do!!

A broken heart recovers. And your choices seem like Hobson's choice - no choice!! Whatever happens, you're still left with confusion and distress for someone!!

It's funny that you said what you said, about losing myself.. That is in my "goodbye letter" sitting here on my desk, getting fine tuned...

 

Dear MW, I have to move on, WITHOUT YOU. You have help make me the man I am today, but I am losing myself. I am losing who I am and who I want to be. This relationship with YOU is not good for ME anymore. It has become unhealthy for me, and my family, and my career. My children need a happy and healthy father. Just the other day, my son (9 years old) said, "Dad, why don't you laugh anymore?". It broke my heart. I am a beautiful man, so why should I feel so "ugly"? I have become a prisoner in my own life, and it is time for me to be set free. Goodbye, I did love you so....

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...