Lifestyle or "Lie-Style"

[OpenBook]

It's funny that you said what you said, about losing myself.. That is in my "goodbye letter" sitting here on my desk, getting fine tuned...

 

Dear MW, I have to move on, WITHOUT YOU. You have help make me the man I am today, but I am losing myself. I am losing who I am and who I want to be. This relationship with YOU is not good for ME anymore. It has become unhealthy for me, and my family, and my career. My children need a happy and healthy father. Just the other day, my son (9 years old) said, "Dad, why don't you laugh anymore?". It broke my heart. I am a beautiful man, so why should I feel so "ugly"? I have become a prisoner in my own life, and it is time for me to be set free. Goodbye, I did love you so....

 

This reminds me of the fabulous REO Speedwagon classic... "I make you laugh, and you make me cry. I believe it's time for me to fly." Godspeed, stamp. I think you're doing the right thing. It's time to put yourself and your family first.

[Aoife]

Stamp - that was a beautiful letter, and TRUE!!!!!! Your kids will pick up that their Daddy is unhappy....even just knowing you a tiny bit on here, there doesn't seem to be much joy in you, when I actually think there could be lots!! You sound like a fantastic guy, that any single (and free to love you) woman would love to be with!! But you're right - your children need you to be strong and happy and they are the ones who count right now!!

xx

[BetrayedMM]

Stamp, you've got to let go. Believe me, I know it's hard. But, you're also stuck, and what's worse, stuck on a woman that was never yours to begin with.

 

The fact that she convinced you it was an exit affair shows something about her you missed right from the start- the kind of person who must start a new relationship before leaving an old one has serious issues. Love? First she has to love and respect herself. You know this.

 

She is NOT what she appears to be, and is playing both you and her husband for fools. You KNOW she's lying to her husband, yet you don't see she's been lying to you just as much. Exit affair? No. It's been years. She's a cake eater, she gets from you what she refuses to get from her husband, but she also gets from her husband things she can't get from you. What you don't see is if it were you who were married to her, she would still be having an A right now. Had you gotten what you wish for chances are you would wind up in her husband's shoes. This is all HER, not her husband.

 

And if you think you're in pain now, try building a life with a woman like that! You have done so in your heart, but try it physically once(kids, a real home, merging of families, etc.), only to find she isn't who you thought at all. Be glad it's only(yeah, I know) a broken heart, it could be MUCH worse.

[OWoman]

I know she loves me, with ALL of her heart.. And she always will.. She is just so stuck.. And I had this talk with her Friday, that there now seems to be only 2 ways this is going to go, and NEITHER are good for US..

 

The third way is, she grows up and makes a choice.

 

Stamp, if she really loved you, she wouldn't cause you this pain. That isn't love. That is pain - and causing someone you claim to love pain, but calling it love, is abusive. Perhaps she's not capable of loving someone, really - if causing you pain is the best she can do, walk away. You deserve love, not pain dressed up as love.

 

Your boys deserve a father who has room to love them, not a father who is so wounded and so full of pain that the love he manages to give them leaves his own soul shrivelled and crying.

 

The first weekend my MM's kids spent with him after he'd moved out, they said to him, we'd forgotten what your smile looked like. They spent all weekend telling him lame jokes to get him to laugh, because they couldn't remember when they'd last seen it.

 

Stamp your knight in shining armour wants to save her from herself, but she has to do this for herself, or she'll never be able to heal enough to love you as you deserve. You want a loving relationship with an equal, not a caring relationship for a lesser person. If she can't grow up to be that equal, your relationship will never be love, but sacrifice or - later - pity. I've seen this with my MM - he wanted to save her, but instead of saving her he got deeply damaged by her, and now he's trying to find his way back to normality as she spirals further and further down into destruction. You cannot save someone unless they choose - and act - to save themselves.

 

But you can save you, before it's too late.

[stampdaddy]

The third way is, she grows up and makes a choice.

 

Stamp, if she really loved you, she wouldn't cause you this pain. That isn't love. That is pain - and causing someone you claim to love pain, but calling it love, is abusive. Perhaps she's not capable of loving someone, really - if causing you pain is the best she can do, walk away. You deserve love, not pain dressed up as love.

 

Your boys deserve a father who has room to love them, not a father who is so wounded and so full of pain that the love he manages to give them leaves his own soul shrivelled and crying.

 

The first weekend my MM's kids spent with him after he'd moved out, they said to him, we'd forgotten what your smile looked like. They spent all weekend telling him lame jokes to get him to laugh, because they couldn't remember when they'd last seen it.

 

Stamp your knight in shining armour wants to save her from herself, but she has to do this for herself, or she'll never be able to heal enough to love you as you deserve. You want a loving relationship with an equal, not a caring relationship for a lesser person. If she can't grow up to be that equal, your relationship will never be love, but sacrifice or - later - pity. I've seen this with my MM - he wanted to save her, but instead of saving her he got deeply damaged by her, and now he's trying to find his way back to normality as she spirals further and further down into destruction. You cannot save someone unless they choose - and act - to save themselves.

 

But you can save you, before it's too late.

Friday on the phone, after the H started calling me again, she was freaking out.. She was home and we were talking about many things, and when I told her that "do you know what it's like to be standing there, SO in love with someone, SO hopeful and then watch you walk away, not knowing if I'll ever see you again? Can you imagine what that would feel like??" It was like the first time she'd ever thought about it, OR the first time it really sunk in, what she's doing to me.. I really don't think she knows REALITY anymore.. THERE IS SO MUCH GETTING LOST IN ALL OF THIS ANYMORE, and it's quite sad...

[9Lives]

Friday on the phone, after the H started calling me again, she was freaking out.. She was home and we were talking about many things, and when I told her that "do you know what it's like to be standing there, SO in love with someone, SO hopeful and then watch you walk away, not knowing if I'll ever see you again? Can you imagine what that would feel like??" It was like the first time she'd ever thought about it, OR the first time it really sunk in, what she's doing to me.. I really don't think she knows REALITY anymore.. THERE IS SO MUCH GETTING LOST IN ALL OF THIS ANYMORE, and it's quite sad...

 

 

It is hard to do but it is time. You need to realize enough is enough and she needs to make a decision or better yet...you make the decision for her! It is your life. You have to man up!! If you want a better life and a commited partner you will have to make it happen. I struggle everyday. I love him so much but I cant stand him right now.