She cheated on me at least 4 times

[SpEiZ]

Hey people!

 

I just got out of a relationship which lasted for 6 years. I was wondering if anyone had any feedback concerning this relationship.

 

We were both 18 when we got together, and after half a year we moved in together. Things were going OK, but I always thought it was something wrong, that she didn't love me the way I loved her. She constantly was seeking attention when going out, and she never wanted me to go out together with her. So the surprise was huge when she told she wanted to make a baby with me. (we were 19). I was so much in love with her, and though that it would be great to become a father. But I was sceptical, and said I only wanted a baby if she went less out drinking and such. I said that she had to be sure I was the one she wanted to be with if she wanted this baby. (at this time, she had already cheated on me twice, but I didn't know).

 

So we got a beautiful little girl, and everything was fine...I thought. Things were pretty troubled, she was always lazy and angry with me. (for no reason). She went out all the time, and we fought a lot. Things were getting really complicated, but I couldn't manage to leave her, even though I wanted to many times. After 5 years of living together, she broke up with me. I was devastated, but moved out. We were still having sex (while she had another guy on the side), and couldn't quite manage to let go of each other. (at least I couldn't). But after a couple of months she came and told me she had been having three affairs, with three different men while we were living together. The last affair had been going on for a couple of months. (and even though we broke up, she was having sex with both of us). Still, I said I could forgive her, and that I wanted to try and work it out again. But she said she still had feelings for the man she was having an affair with. Well, that was enough for me, I told her that I didn't want to have anything with her to do as long as she still had feelings for this man. So I left...

 

Later, in the middle of the night, she called me up, crying and saying that she had to see me. She wanted to get back together with me again, said that she had no feelings for this other guy, whatsoever. She was kind of hysterical. Beeing the blind jerk I was, I went over there, and we decided to get back together again. But ONLY if she promised that she was going to be faithful towards me. I also told her that it might be dangerous for me if she was cheating on me again, that I couldn't handle it. So if she thought it wouldn't work out, I wanted her to end it with me, not CHEAT on me.

 

After we got back together, things were going real great. We were totally in love again, it seemed. She have never given me that much attention as she did now. But after a year or so, things were getting back to normal. She was becoming lazy, depressed, and didn't wanting to talk about anything. (it's always been like that, she never wanted to talk about anything, she was just shutting it down inside, and be going to bed or something when something got up). So then the day came....I woke up in bed in the morning, and she wasn't there. It was terrible, I knew that she was cheating on me. So I called her friend, who told me she was together with one of my best mates. So I went over there, and I caught them in action.

 

The worst nightmare of my life!!! Ever...I never thought she could do something like this again. Now I hate her, and thinks it's a pain in the ass that I have to have contact with her. (since we got a daughter together). I'm on Paxil for this ****, and I don't seem to recover either. What should I do....how do I get over this betrayal? And what's wrong with her, doing stupid things like that when we have a kid together and all? ...

 

She said she didn't regret anything either, and after this happened, and we broke up, she went straight downtown freaking out sexually. She wanted to have sex with about anything. (from which I heard from my friends). And in addition to this, she refuses to pay anything on our common debt. (since it's on my account). She forced me to sign for that she was going to have our daughter most (so that she could take up a loan to buy a house). If I didn't sign the papers, she was going to make my life miserable.

 

Comments anybody?

 

 

Regards

 

speiz

[Tony T]

Your biggest mistake was thinking that people change. Well, some do in the, but not that often. You were well on notice that she was not capable of being faithful yet you stayed with her. These are lessons hard learned and I'm sorry you had to go through the heartbreak, stress and financial hardship to learn them.

 

It will take a while to learn to trust again. Meanwhile, you have got to start thinking mostly with your brain and paying attention to the people around you and their behavior. And most of all, listen to yourself. I have no doubt that deep down you knew all this would eventually happen but you just didn't want to pay attention to your intuition.

 

Time will heal all of this. It's tragic that there is now a child to keep you bonded to this slut...but by getting an attorney and structuring custody and visitation schedules you may be able to work things out. She'll probably want you to keep the child most of the time while she's out getting laid.

 

I wouldn't wish this on anybody. But you've got lots of time to straighten out your life and find somebody decent. Be sure to look in a different part of town than the one you found this one in.

[SpEiZ]

Thanks for the reply, Tony, really appreciate it.

 

I guess I have to move on, even though I have to cope with having contact with her. I guess I feel ashamed that I have stayed with her for so long, at least now that I see what she's acting like afterwards.

 

I heard from a friend that she's been saying she miss me. How can someone do such a thing to their loved ones, if they really care so much about them? It seems as though she has two different sides of herself, one good side and one bad side. I wish I could understand how she thinks, but I don't. Guess I'll never will...

 

I miss her good side, but I know this will never work out again. I will never allow myself to get back together with her. Problem is, I don't get excited about other girls either, I just don't care about other girls. How do I move on, get interrested in other girls than my ex? It kills me that she's the only girl I have feelings for. I don't want to have feelings for her!! I find myself going from hate, to missing her from time to time.

 

Don't worry though, we'll never wind up together again!

[BillG]

SpEiZ,

 

That woman needs some intense mental help, but unfortunately if she doesn't recognize it, you can not change her. Certainly, Tony is correct in saying get a good attorney, and try and get custody of your daughter, (its not a good place that she is in either).

 

Time will heal and admission on your part that this person is not one that you need to be near will cause you to start looking elsewhere.

 

Good Luck!! Feel good about yourself and you will move on.