Front Row Fan Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I have been with the woman of my dreams for 3 years . We were very happy . We were planning a wedding . I proposed on oct. 31,2002. We set the date for July 17, 2004. On friday the 13, of june she called it off. for 2 days she wanted to work it out and so did i . She made no effort. I dont understand. She says rude and hateful things to me. She has hurt me many times but I love her so much. I know she is the one and I am the one I dont understand . Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 maybe if you have some more details. MAybe some signs leading up to it? what is her reason? is she afraid, upset, jittery, confused? Link to post Share on other sites
shane coswin Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 bad luck day caught up with you Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 3, 2003 Share Posted July 3, 2003 There were no signs! The day before she ended it she was asking my mother about plans for the wedding! She is confused . I know in her heart she loves me but is fighting it . I think she is getting bad advice. Her mother is very contolling and critical. She is going bakwards were as we together were moving forward. She says she still loves me but doesnt want me ? Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 3, 2003 Share Posted July 3, 2003 I'm stumped dude, it seems like theres more to this maybe, i think unfortunately and I hate to say it.......time will control this one.......there i said it-i hate that saying Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Time will tell! but Im not putting my life on hold! Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 she sounds scared, let her think things out. Time sorts the mind out when it's cluttered like a messy closet. Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 She called last friday night . She said she was calling to meet me somewhere on monday to give me the ring and the rest of my belongings back. Yet she talked to me for an hour! She asked if she could call me the next day and i said yes but I would be busy. I was Lying. I waited all day for her to call. She did call sunday night about 10:00p.m. She asked if we were still on to meet monday and i said yes. Im lost without her. This waiting game sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 I hope she was able to give you some explanation today. Understanding what is happening helps the mind plenty. People do things we don't understand. We can only second guess them, but to truly understand them is another story. They have to be willing to talk about it. If she isn't the type to talk, and holds in information, then you'll always have a problem with her. Better you put this marriage on hold anyway, until she wants to get some help in communication skills. Don't proceed without it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
dzynr Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Perhaps she found out something bad from your past, or her mother made up something bad about you. The other thing I can think of is that she just wasn't ready and freaked out. Give it time, and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
UhHemHeyU Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 I do not have all the facts and do not know either of you, but she could be afraid of commitments. I think you would know after 3 yrs, if she was able to be commited in "intimate" relationships. Perhaps, she is not a commited person and as long as you were together and loving each other, she was fine, but add marriage and she feels suffocated. Just a thought. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 I met up with her monday night. I started crying when i saw her it had been almost 3 weeks since ive last seen her. We talked and went to get a beer. I didnt try asking her back but asking her Why? She would change the subject. She insisted that there is nobody else. She would rub it in my face how much fun she is having. She told me she wished we would have been just friends for the last 3 years. She then got mad and said she had selpt with 5 guys since june 13th. I dont understand . She is the one who talked about marriage and starting a family. we both had the same dreams. We were like twins. We know each others past and accepted it. She is going back to her old lifestyle which caused her pain. She is hurting be bad. I wish she just had some remorse for hurting me. My life began with her and has been put on hold since she left. Very confused but still loving and having faith in her! Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 I think she's handing you a load of bull****. What kind of girl is going to say all that to the guy she's in love with. I don't care if you want a relationship or not, there should still be enough respect there for her to keep her mouth shut. And dude, if she has slept with 5 guys in a month now, I'd seriously hesitate if you ever got the chance again, just to keep yourself safe. I know I can't sit here and say move on, I am tottttally aware it's not that easy. I'm not saying move on, but you do need to distance yourself from her, try not to think about it, although I know how hard that is, and just go with the flow. I mean she may be back in a month, if this crap is going on a few months from now, pack up all her stuff, throw it in a box, and put it up on a shelf. Then you have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Back to the 4 stages of grief and loss again.... 1) denial 2) depression, sadness, hurt 3) anger 4) acceptance Needy is not attractive. Your best bet is to spend as little time in stages 1 and 2. Get to 3 as soon as your heart can handle, then hurry to stage 4. If she thinks you are having fun, she'll have something to think about. If she thinks you miss her, you're lost without her, and you're crying like a baby over her... then her self-esteem gets overly inflated. She'll think she always has a back-up plan (that's YOU), and she'll greatly overestimate her OWN importance in her life. Of course she's having fun, she thinks she's the center of the universe!!!! She probably looks better too, because she's convinced herself that men, including you, will cry for her. She gets to walk with that little air about her, 'how special she is'. Think about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 After I posted this message she called a couple of hours later. I didnt answer but she left me a message saying she had found one of my cds she lost 2 years ago! She said I probably wanted it back. She left her cell number and said shed talk to me later. I didnt call. I came to the conclusion that Ive got to play the game. If she comes back she comes back. If not somebody else has come in to my life. My life is gonna go on with or without her. I am to the point were i am angry but still miss her. July 17 is gonna be hard because that was our wedding day of 2004. I know how she thinks she thinks Ill wait on her but Im not. Im gonna keep my distance. I ask myself why would i want her back and I still say because I love her. I know the real her not the front or act she puts on. ! She has a hard life some her fault some not . I can honestly say the best thing to ever happen to her was me. She had got her life together with me and I did the same. She will realize but for hersake I hope its not to late. I can say Im sorry for her because she messed something that was very special up.God had a plan and future together and she turned her back on God. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 Well, you are a strong person that I imagined. I always want to play hardball too, but end up being a sucker.... I think you are doing well. You should be able to pat yourself on the back. Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 I give in to easy, and also a sucker . I just try to keep my distance and not call. I did run into a friend of hers last night on my way to a bar . She didnt say a thing like this is all my fault? Link to post Share on other sites
Front Row Fan Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 Im losing my mind! We talked for about 3 hours yesterday on the phone. She put me down , hurt me , and destroyed me! I dont understand . How for 3 years you can love somebody and build them up and then hurt them. I miss her so much it hurts. No matter where I go or what I do shes all I think about. I want to back off so she will realize what shes missing but just even fighting with her helps because at least I get to hear her voice. I can not take this anymore I losing my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 YOU WRITE: "She says rude and hateful things to me. She has hurt me many times but I love her so much. I know she is the one and I am the one I dont understand ." UH, DUH???? She says rude and hateful things to you. She has hurt you many times...but you love her....you think she is the one??? You got major problems, dude. Anybody who would want to marry someone who is rude, loves to hurt them and say hateful things to them is a blade of grass short of a golf course. Get some industrial strength psychotherapy to get some self esteem and self respect. Then go off to the next building and get a good plastic surgeon to build you a new set of cojones. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 After all she's done to you why would you want her back?? Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Mr. Front Row, I totally can sympathize with what you are going through. My ex was always talking marriage with me as well. I had planned on proposing to her on her birthday, which would have been in about a week now. Alas, she broke up with me in April. I think it was probably for someone at work, but we both quit talking cold turkey. I get an email last Monday, asking who a blonde girl was at a concert I was with. I was like you, played it tough...I get a response saying I'm a *bleeping* loser from her friend of all people. I responded back, intelligently putting her & her friend down without the use of cursewords or name calling. My question to you is, why would you have talked to her for three hours...Actually the better question is, why would she have wasted her time talking to you for three hours if her soul intention was to insult/put you down? It just simply does not compute. Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted July 16, 2003 Board of Directors Share Posted July 16, 2003 Originally posted by Front Row Fan I can honestly say the best thing to ever happen to her was me. She had got her life together with me and I did the same. She will realize but for hersake I hope its not to late. I can say Im sorry for her because she messed something that was very special up.God had a plan and future together and she turned her back on God. Link to post Share on other sites
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