Is the OM sneaking off condoms?

[Jess-Belle]

They delude themselves into thinking that because they are in love, that their partner is somehow automatically clean. I've seen more than a BW posting about contracting STD's whose WS's thought and said that more or less.

 

Or that contracting HIV is one of those things that "only happens to other people"...

[twice_shy]

I'm not sure I get this logic. How is it OK to be an accomplice to something that will undoubtedly cause severe damage to a relationship/marriage?

 

You are replying to someone whose handle is OWoman, that should tell you all you need to know about that "logic"

[twice_shy]

The only people who think it is ok are those that stand to benefit from it, and you won't ever convince them that what they are doing is wrong or that they are being an accomplice to wrongdoing. Even if they do admit that what they are doing is wrong, and that they are an accomplice to wrongdoing - you will get more than a plenty of justifications for it. There is always a handy excuse when someone finds their happiness at the expense of others.

 

For example:

 

I"m not the one cheating.

I'm not the one who made vows.

You can't help who you fall in love with.

MM/MW was abused/unhappy/etc.

 

and so on. Pretty much anything you can think of that will make it 'ok'.

 

Dayum!!! Hit the nail on the head LB. I guess its just a "me me me" thing and to heck with anyone that stands to be hurt from it.

[Gwyneth]

 

For example:

 

I"m not the one cheating.

I'm not the one who made vows.

You can't help who you fall in love with.

MM/MW was abused/unhappy/etc.

 

 

Exactly. This is how I felt--I wasn't the one married, he was. I wasn't the one who promised vows--he did. I'm not married for a reason.

[mclovin]

Ah, so having sex with someone elses husband with no intention of taking him away from his family is A-ok?

 

What he does with his personal life is clearly his choice-He's a BIG BOY now, so he can figure out his own life. Not MY problem. Nor do I care the reasons for his cheating.

 

I don't want to "take him away". I was MARRIED too and still am (legally speaking). So the OM f*cked someone else's "WIFE" (me) as well. I viewed the affair as an UNDERSTANDING. All I wanted was a responsible understanding; we saw each to reap sexual benefits.

 

 

Why waste your time asking me this stuff? I asked about a disappearing condom incident. Not your opinion on f-ing a MM when I am a MW.

Edited March 1, 2008 by mclovin

[Gwyneth]

 

What he does with his personal life is clearly his choice-He's a BIG BOY now, so he can figure out his own life. Not MY problem. Nor do I care the reasons for his cheating.

 

I don't want to "take him away". I was MARRIED too and still am (legally speaking). So the OM f*cked someone else's "WIFE" (me) as well. I viewed the affair as an UNDERSTANDING. All I wanted was a responsible understanding; we saw each to reap sexual benefits.

 

 

Why waste your time asking me this stuff? I asked about a disappearing condom incident. Not your opinion on f-ing a MM when I am a MW.

 

Mcloving, don't waste your time arguing with some of these posters. I did the same thing when I was new here because people just could Not accept that I was having an affair with a MM--but hello! This is the OW / OM board--it's expected, and if they cannot accept it, then they shouldn't bother coming in. That was my thought all the while, and after a while I just accepted that they will come in here whether they're experienced, bitter, or just because, and provide advice. You either love it or hate it

[Lizzie60]

I'm not sure I get this logic. How is it OK to be an accomplice to something that will undoubtedly cause severe damage to a relationship/marriage?

 

I have to disagree... not all A cause severe damage to a marriage.. sometimes, it helps the M...

 

I am the Mother Therizzie of MM..

[White Flower]

I have to disagree... not all A cause severe damage to a marriage.. sometimes, it helps the M...

 

I am the Mother Therizzie of MM..

 

I like your new title, Mother Therizee! Will you bless me, lol?

[OWoman]

I'm not sure I get this logic. How is it OK to be an accomplice to something that will undoubtedly cause severe damage to a relationship/marriage?

 

It's only wrong if you subscribe to notions of monogamy or sexual exclusiveness. I don't.

 

Whether my partner/s or their W/s do or don't or change their views contingent on their situations or whatever is their issue not mine. If it's wrong for them, they should either not do it or live with the fall-out from compromising their principles. None of my principles are compromised and I have no guilt or shame issues to contend with as a result.

[bentnotbroken]

I have to disagree... not all A cause severe damage to a marriage.. sometimes, it helps the M...

 

I am the Mother Therizzie of MM..

 

 

Well, if that is true, every person I know that has gone throw it, would prefer if OP didn't "HELP" their marriages. Lost of trust is severe damage, with help like that who needs someone who is really trying to hurt the marriage.

[Lyssa]

I have to disagree... not all A cause severe damage to a marriage.. sometimes, it helps the M...

 

I am the Mother Therizzie of MM..

 

Lizzie, the things you come up with!!

[mclovin]

So follow your own advice that you gave to Chrome Barracuda, and don't read the replies if you don't like them.

 

This forum is open to everyone. If you don't like being criticized, don't act like scum. Simple really. Imagine if someone posted on here "I molested my daughter and am now in trouble with the police, what should I do?". Would you seriously expect them not to be criticised?

 

 

Molesting a child is serious and a crime. Someone who does that is psychologically ill. Why would you compare that to infedelity? By writing that, you sound somewhat nuts yourself.

[Darth Vader]

 

What he does with his personal life is clearly his choice-He's a BIG BOY now, so he can figure out his own life. Not MY problem. Nor do I care the reasons for his cheating.

 

I don't want to "take him away". I was MARRIED too and still am (legally speaking). So the OM f*cked someone else's "WIFE" (me) as well. I viewed the affair as an UNDERSTANDING. All I wanted was a responsible understanding; we saw each to reap sexual benefits.

 

 

Why waste your time asking me this stuff? I asked about a disappearing condom incident. Not your opinion on f-ing a MM when I am a MW.

 

 

I agree with LB on her posting, especially after you say "Not MY problem".

IMO, it's both of your problem, because you both enabled each other to cheat,"It takes two to tango" you said.

 

So, you two reaped sexual benefits, while both of your spouses reap emotional pain that will last forever, but, that's not your problem? I say, Yes it is!

 

Oh, and to answer your question, so you can't say I didn't answer it, um, Yes, he did take off the condom intentionally.

[Jess-Belle]

You are replying to someone whose handle is OWoman, that should tell you all you need to know about that "logic"

 

Eh, it was a rhetorical question

[Jess-Belle]

I have to disagree... not all A cause severe damage to a marriage.. sometimes, it helps the M...

 

I am the Mother Therizzie of MM..

 

Hey, whatever helps you sleep better at night!

[Jess-Belle]

It's only wrong if you subscribe to notions of monogamy or sexual exclusiveness. I don't.

 

Whether my partner/s or their W/s do or don't or change their views contingent on their situations or whatever is their issue not mine. If it's wrong for them, they should either not do it or live with the fall-out from compromising their principles. None of my principles are compromised and I have no guilt or shame issues to contend with as a result.

 

Since I used to utilize this same loophole, I can actually recall quite clearly where you're coming from. Except replace "not subscribing to notions of monogamy" with "I simply didn't give a shxt" (hey, at least I was honest!)

 

Compartmentalizing myself apart from whomever I was involved with and affecting was a proper anesthetic for a while. I didn't make the vows, I'm not the one in the relationship, so what am I doing wrong? Let them deal with their problems! I'm a free spirit and I have the right to do whatever I please!

But when I decided to stop acting like a sociopath, I realized that the way I affected people with the things I did, mattered. And that by doing something that caused a fellow human to hurt immensely, was simply wrong. Even if I didn't know them, even if they had no way of affecting me and if they didn't "subscribe" to my same ideas of living. I believe part of being a compassionate human is respecting those differences in other humans.

And that, as they say, is that

[LittleLady]

Not to mention, I'm getting a divorce and looking forward to a single life of dating and eventually meeting the right person at some point. I don't see him in ANYWAY as a prospective long-term partner. He has way too much baggage and he is okay for the side.

 

So what do you guys think? Is he sneaking this or does this kind of stuff happen?

 

then why waste anymore time with this dud if it's going to risk getting you pregnant??? wth are you still with him?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

 

YEAH, I KNOW IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME AND ME ONLY..

Ok now not to condone some of the comments you have received here.

 

Because no one can understand your personal actions but you in the end.

 

Were not in your M so I won't comment on your M but the A and the unprotected sex also disrespects your H and his W.

 

I just wanted to point that out now with that said don't see this man again continue with your D.

 

And once your a free women best of luck finding happiness.

[Gwyneth]

Well, if that is true, every person I know that has gone throw it, would prefer if OP didn't "HELP" their marriages. Lost of trust is severe damage, with help like that who needs someone who is really trying to hurt the marriage.

 

I agree with you, BNB. People shouldn't have to cheat to make their marriage work--how is that at all helping? It makes things worse to realize things need to get better--why go down when you need to go up?

[twice_shy]

 

What he does with his personal life is clearly his choice-He's a BIG BOY now, so he can figure out his own life. Not MY problem. Nor do I care the reasons for his cheating.

 

I don't want to "take him away". I was MARRIED too and still am (legally speaking). So the OM f*cked someone else's "WIFE" (me) as well. I viewed the affair as an UNDERSTANDING. All I wanted was a responsible understanding; we saw each to reap sexual benefits.

 

 

Why waste your time asking me this stuff? I asked about a disappearing condom incident. Not your opinion on f-ing a MM when I am a MW.

 

Next time you ask why I asked you something, make sure it was you I was asking. I was replying to someone elses assertion.

 

But you say "all I wanted was a RESPONSIBLE understanding". I don't suppose you see the hypocrisy in that statement at all?

Now that question IS meant for you.

[OWoman]

Since I used to utilize this same loophole, I can actually recall quite clearly where you're coming from. Except replace "not subscribing to notions of monogamy" with "I simply didn't give a shxt" (hey, at least I was honest!)

 

Compartmentalizing myself apart from whomever I was involved with and affecting was a proper anesthetic for a while. I didn't make the vows, I'm not the one in the relationship, so what am I doing wrong? Let them deal with their problems! I'm a free spirit and I have the right to do whatever I please!

But when I decided to stop acting like a sociopath, I realized that the way I affected people with the things I did, mattered. And that by doing something that caused a fellow human to hurt immensely, was simply wrong. Even if I didn't know them, even if they had no way of affecting me and if they didn't "subscribe" to my same ideas of living. I believe part of being a compassionate human is respecting those differences in other humans.

And that, as they say, is that

 

Right - so by your argument, I should respect that MM's W might belief in the sanctity of matrimony, and modify my behaviour (her own behaviour, btw, suggests she doesn't, but that's neither here nor there for this argument).

 

By that token, if one is to respect the belief systems of others, christians should never engage in missionary work, since that is disrespectful of the belief systems of others. Social workers should not attempt to change the belief systems of drug addicts or alcoholics. And people like yourself should not attempt to condemn, argue with, or even engage people like me in discussion since by doing so you are showing disrespect for my belief system.

 

Come on, either be consistent in your argument here or admit that you simply don't like my point of view but can't argue against it. Logic has to work consistently - you can't only apply it to the bits you want to apply it to and claim immunity for the rest.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Wow this thread is still in high swing I see when will people stop fighting for the sake of fighting in the OW section. Theres just no point in it its like beating a dead horse already sometimes.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I don't know that its so complicated as belief systems and all of that. Its simple really. When you participate in something that disrupts and destroys the life of someone else, and brings them pain and anguish - its wrong on human terms regardless of what you believe in. I don't think there are many people (besides garden variety sociopaths) who would agree that taking pleasure at the expense of others is excusable or justified.

[OWoman]

I don't think there are many people (besides garden variety sociopaths) who would agree that taking pleasure at the expense of others is excusable or justified.

 

Hence my not believing in marriage...

[Jess-Belle]

Right - so by your argument, I should respect that MM's W might belief in the sanctity of matrimony, and modify my behaviour (her own behaviour, btw, suggests she doesn't, but that's neither here nor there for this argument).

 

By that token, if one is to respect the belief systems of others, christians should never engage in missionary work, since that is disrespectful of the belief systems of others. Social workers should not attempt to change the belief systems of drug addicts or alcoholics. And people like yourself should not attempt to condemn, argue with, or even engage people like me in discussion since by doing so you are showing disrespect for my belief system.

 

Come on, either be consistent in your argument here or admit that you simply don't like my point of view but can't argue against it. Logic has to work consistently - you can't only apply it to the bits you want to apply it to and claim immunity for the rest.

 

Testyyy! Actually you missed my point, which was that I believe that knowingly harming others is wrong - emotionally or physically, directly or indirectly. I wasn't talking about belief systems.

I love your euphemism for it, though. It's not an affair, it's that you simply disagree with a man's wife's beliefs in the sanctity of matrimony :lmao: Brilliant :lmao: OWoman, are you a lawyer? You should be Either that, or a comedian :lmao:

 

Most importantly though, I'm not trying to win any argument or change the way you choose to live your life. Everyone knows that is impossible. If anything, I was telling you I remember when I used to think just like you. And then I simply related how I've changed into a much happier, peaceful person. Illegal acts excluded, people need to live their lives how they see fit, learn their own lessons, whatever they may be, for themselves. That is one of the main purposes of life, imo.