Worried and Anxious about LYING Boyfriend

[sungrl]

my b/f said he wasn't going to do security at a bar b/c i didn't want him to work at a bar(this occurred two months ago--it really made me feel insecure and he finally said fine, he wont do it)..today he gets a call from his friend--the friend is going away so i guess he was asking my b/f if he wants to do security while he was gone or something..and i heard my b/f kind of going through the conversation quick..maybe because he didn't want to get into it with me there?...but i heard my b/f say we'll see(meaning to the security thing) and he said he was watching a movie right now..im assuming the friend wanted my b/f to call now to give the guy an answer...and at that point my b/f got a pen and wrote down the guys number.

 

I asked him what was the all about and he told me security for while he's away and i said for what? and my b/f said you know for what, it doesn't matter I'm not going to do it.

 

I don't get why he needs to call the guy though if his answer will be no..why didn't he just tell the friend i don't think i will be able to and not take the number down?

 

A part of me feels anxious he is going to do this behind my back or something.

 

I asked my b/f when are you going to call the guy and he said later on(why not in front of me though?) and i told him i was nervous about this and i did say well why do you need the number then..at that point my b/f got angry and said b/c im supposed to call him ok?..and that was it..i pretty much dropped it after that.

 

Would anyone else here have the same suspicions as me...my friend said maybe you shouldn't worry until u cant get a hold of him one night from 10pm on.

 

I feel like i want to ask him more questions but i don't know if i should...please respond.

 

Thank you.

Edited February 25, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pikaia]

First of all, What makes you worried and anxious about your boyfriend working security at the bar? Has he cheated on you in the past?

 

I guess you have to give him the benefit of the doubt until he screws up.. I'm just wondering what makes you not trust him.

[Geishawhelk]

He doesn't want to offend you and go against your wishes, but he doesn't want to let his friend down either. And at least it's a job.

What's the problem anyway?

Why don't you want him doing security work?

 

I hate to say it, but you sound as if you have some control issues yourslf. you can't just expect people to do what you want, without at least some trust and respect thrown in.

Stop and look at your attitude.

It seems to be a little demanding, from what I can tell... but from a post, who can tell....?

[sungrl]

this doesnt really have to do with a friend..the friend just knows the guy and the friend also does security from time to time

 

My b/f said two months ago he wasnt going to do it b/c i really didn't like it.

 

But do i have reasons to suspect he is going to do this behind my back since he chose to call the guy later on rather in front of me and also took down the number rather than just telling his friend no i cant do it.

[shanny]

I hate to say this... but it would probably be best to trust him to just do it if he wants to... unless you have a reason not to trust him, which you did not mention. I have a lot of jealousy issues myself, but I find I have the best relationships when I can bite my tounge and let them do what they want to do (as long as they have proved to me I can trust them). Telling somebody what they can or can't do, especially with work, will most likely cause problems in the relationship at some point. Relax a little... when my bf goes out in a situation I'm not comfortable with I usually make other plans to distract myself from thinking the worst... I ask him to call me or text me occasionally for reassurance as well. If I did not allow him to do what he wants, it would never work. It's REALLY hard sometimes though. Give it a try and you might find out you have NOTHING to worry about. If your worst fears come true by some chance, then he's not for you anyway. Good luck!