Kelly Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I have been reading some posts and think yours is a great forum for putting out questions and concerns....Mine is as follows: I left my husband for an extended weekend ( I took our daughter with me to stay with my best friend who lives out of town). It wasn't just a social get-away, I had told my husband I needed some time to think about some things and was having trouble dealing with his pornography addiction which included magazines and internet downloads. While I was away, I found out that his ex-wife had come to pick up their 2 kids from our house (they were briefly married and she left him with the 2 small children who were 1 and 3 at that time, but were 3 and 5 at this incident) from our babysitter while my husband was at work (restaurant business and he worked until close). She , (ex), fell asleep on our couch in the living room because the kids were already asleep when she came to pick them up from the sitter. Then when my husband came home, he claims she was sleeping so he let her stay since it was so late by the time he got home (3:00 a.m.) Ok-- I know this is long-winded, sorry. I came home from the trip and my husbancd and I discussed the pornography and all the problems that can go along with sexual addictions and we really worked through this together. He put a lot of effort into reading the 2 books we found at the bookstore on the subject, plus several articles he downloaded. THEN>......his ex decides to tell me that MY husband came home that one night and hit on her and tried to get her to sleep with him.."for old time's sake" and after all they do have "2 kids together" and that bond is never really broken and a bunch of other stuff that doesn't really sound like my husband. They never actually did anything or so they both claim....She then ends up pregnant 9 months later and has the baby and a paternity test because it could be 2 different fathers (not my husband) and it is this guy she lived upstairs from or whatever....( I actually saw the DNA parentage test that he is the father 99.99%) All the while my husband is saying "I told you I didn't sleep with her" and even she said "it was just a proposition which I turned down, chill out" as if there was no reason for me to be upset at all! My point is that 2 years have gone by and I love his children like my own plus we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Why would a man jeaopardize what he has with us as a family for a one night stand with a woman who left him with 2 babies, and with him in stage 2 melanoma (deadly cancer of the skin)? Is there more to his porn addiction, possibly that madonna/whore complex with me as the good girl and her as the whore? I thought I had put this behind me and wanted to believe that they actually did not sleep together but now she is pregnant again with someone else's baby and it is bringing all that old stuff up !I guess when I'm putting it in print it sounds like a Maury Povich show but really, my husband has tried so hard to have a new and better life since those days...He has since gotten a great job with an insurance company and spends tons of time with our kids and even recently threw out the old porno magazines he had held onto for so long and I thought we were making progress....Is it now MY problem that I can't let go of the hurt? Because he definitely doesn't want to re-hash all that old stuff as it was quite devastating to me and he still claims that while he did WANT to have sex with her at that time 3 years ago , HE DIDN'T....and he only wanted to because I had left him with uncertainty of our future together and he was going back to what he knew before. So it was my fault because I left to clear my head??!! I know this is so personal and so long but really, things were getting better and I think and dream about him cheating with her all the time. It's like I don't have anything better to do with my time (when you know I do with 3 kids and a job and house) Help! Kelly Link to post Share on other sites
rclynn Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 I would say, let it go..... I do have a problem of her coming into your home when neither of you are there.... If those kids were asleep when she came to pick them up, she should have just left them there and came back the next day.... there was no reason at all for her to fall asleep on your couch---did she really expect the kids to get up at 2am and then she could take them home??? come on here, even i wasn't born yesterday....... I think you and your husband need to really have a talk about what is acceptable to you and what isn't..... it's easier to have that talk before something happens, because then they always say "your just jealous" but if you have the talk before it happens, then they don't dismiss what your saying so quickly........ Also talk to her about what is acceptable..... if there truly is nothing going on, they should accept your terms..... I guess in closing i would say " you need to have a serious talk with him"........ Link to post Share on other sites
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