Please help!!!

[Rose]

My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me about 2 months ago. We broke up because I was starting college in Virginia and he was going to college in Chicago. We decided that a long distance relationship would be very difficult, but we agreed to stay friends. He visited me at my college after we broke up, and he was kissing me and stuff. When we were together, we had a perfect relationship. We hardly ever fought, and I really thought he was the one. The problem is that now I try to email him and stuff and he won't write back. When he does write back, it is really short and general. He won't talk to me like he used to. When we broke up, he was the one that wanted to get back with me over school breaks and summers and after college. I have tried being sweet, nice, and horny. I just wrote him a really bitchy letter telling him to start writing back or don't even think of calling me when he's back in Virginia. Should I send it? Why is he ignoring me? How can I get over him? None of the guys here interest me because I am still so in love with him. Please help me!!!

[Ryan]

I think the initial instinct was a good one, long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain, especially when two people go off to college. This is a huge time for social development that does not work well in distant relationships.

 

As for him, it sounds like he's getting his little jolly when he comes around and then goes back to whatever else might be satisfying that need where he is. It is a very foreign concept to women that men can be physically involved and not associate an emotional tie with that. YOU, however, think that his actions equal feelings. This just isn't the case.

 

I think you should make yourself clear, either he has a COMPLETE relationship with you or he doesn't have one at all. Right now he is pretty much using you. One should never forfeit personal needs for the needs of others.

[LoveAngel]

Rose,

 

I disagree with Ryan. I don't believe he's using you. From your posting, it seems that you both mutually decided that the relationship should cease when the distance became a factor (Correct me if I'm wrong). You stepped down from the level you were at, to a level of merely friendship -- at least via verbal agreement. There were no problems, only mental decisions made to cease not-so-mental feelings. It's an awkward situation. Your heads tell you we should part as to avoid the common problems associated with long-distance relationships, but your hearts aren't so eagar to listen. He's probably very confused about how he should be treating you; how he should be responding. It's awkward to have feelings for someone yet to have agreed not to act on them. It seems that you're experiencing the same confusion. Don't send him that letter. Instead tell him how you feel. Tell him the truth. Listen to your heart. Trying to be something you're not isn't the answer. Be you. Talk to him, if possible, and see where things stand between you. Ryan's comment about him "having his jolly" is, quite frankly, completely unsupported by anything you've said so far. Both men and women can have strictly physical relationships -- gender doesn't dictate who we are. Talk to him and listen to yourself. Best wishes to you!

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

I think the initial instinct was a good one, long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain, especially when two people go off to college. This is a huge time for social development that does not work well in distant relationships.

 

As for him, it sounds like he's getting his little jolly when he comes around and then goes back to whatever else might be satisfying that need where he is. It is a very foreign concept to women that men can be physically involved and not associate an emotional tie with that. YOU, however, think that his actions equal feelings. This just isn't the case. I think you should make yourself clear, either he has a COMPLETE relationship with you or he doesn't have one at all. Right now he is pretty much using you. One should never forfeit personal needs for the needs of others.

[Ryan]

I respect your right to disagree with me, but there is one point here where you are markedly mistaken: gender. Our XX or XY *IS* very defining to our fundamental makeup, both biological and psychological, regardless of societal definition of gender roles. There are some very well proven general characteristics that attribute to men or women distinctively.

 

That's the only point I had to speak out on.