Should I move in if I am unsure about marriage?

[MaryMary]

Ok, this is my dilemma: my b/f and I have been together for a year now, I love him a lot but I am still unsure as to whether or not he is the "one." He believes I am and he has told me that within this next year he would like our rel'p to progress and for us to move in together.

 

My problem is that it is hard for me to disassociate living together with marriage: I feel as though it is wrong to agree to move in unless I am completely sure he is the one for me and eventually we will get married.

 

My b/f is great and he knows that I am unsure about everything. He says if things don't work out, fine, we'll move out and that will be that. But I am still so afraid of giving him false hope or alternatively, if I find out he isn't the one, being so settled in the rel'p that I am finding it hard to move out and leave him.

 

What do you all think? Is it ok to move in and see where things go, or should I have a definite idea of our future together before I move in?

[sally4sara]

I wouldn't move in until I knew I would accept a proposal. I say this because you do consider getting married one day; my answer would be different if you didn't think marrying was a goal for yourself.

Since you do want to get married one day, what would be the point in moving in with someone you as yet, can see yourself marrying? Plus you know it is what he wants already, moving in would almost be the same as saying yes if he proposed right now. At least it would indicate that to HIM.

Cuz it truly sucks to get a place with someone and start adding to possessions only to have to fuss over who gets what when it turns sour. Everything you buy together will be something you will have to evaluate "can I part with this later".

[Grrlish]

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. However, both of us are on the same page about how we feel about each other and getting married to each other. We are both hoping that as we continue to develop our relationship that this is going to be permanent.

 

I can't tell you with 100 percent certainty that we will end up getting married but it's definitely where we both want things to go.

 

Even if you were engaged, there would still be no guarantee that the two of you would wind up getting married.

 

I think that if you're unsure that marriage is what you want with him, I would not move in with him. I would not move in unless you felt the same about him as he does about you.

 

The initial stages of living together must be like the initial stages of marriage, is all I can say. There is definitely an adjustment period, and even though we seem to be coming out the other side a bit stronger, the adjustment period has had some trying moments. I believe that if we did not love each other as we do and were not on the same page that things would be over by now.

 

Sally4sara is right. Once you're in, it's hard to move out, and painful. Separating belongings, emotional situations, hurting each other's feelings, etc.

 

Mary, you said that you are unsure about everything. Everything.

 

That's a big statement. If you're that unsure after a year, and he is SO sure, there seems to be a big descrepancy in where the two of you stand in regard to the relationship. Perhaps that's something worth considering.