will i ever be over him?

[sedgwick]

So, this is by far the hardest breakup I've ever gone through. I still love him every bit as much as I did the day he left. I have no frame of reference for missing someone like this. I still torture myself wondering if he's with someone else, and I still dream about him most nights.

 

I want to think I'll get over him someday, like really over him, but it seems like one of those things that could take forever. It took me a lot of years to really get over my first love (although I can truly say I'm totally over him now), so I know it's possible, if not quick.

 

It's just so weird being abandoned like that -- having someone dump you and then just walk out the door and not come back. I live in fear I'm going to see him on the subway or the street. I don't think I could handle it if I saw him, I honestly think I would burst into tears. As things stand, I don't know if he's dead or alive.

 

I sent him a text message in November, and I contacted his friend in that single email I posted a couple of weeks ago. I'm kicking myself for having done both. But that's two chances I've given him to get in touch, and he hasn't. At all. Nothing.

 

I never, ever, ever would have thought we would end like this. I never thought he would just stop speaking to me. It boggles my mind. I have tried and tried and tried to figure out what I might have done or said, or what it was about me, that made him leave, and I honestly cannot come up with anything. I truly think I was a good girlfriend. But I must have done something, right? Something really awful, to make him totally give up on me, to make him not even want me in his life as a casual acquaintance?

 

Guys, I really need your help here. WTF could he possibly be thinking? Why would you dump a girl who hadn't cheated on you or lied to you, one who really loved you, one with whom you had loads in common and great sex, and just stop speaking to her? Is it because he hates me? Because he's indifferent to me? Because he's in love with someone else and doesn't even remember me? Which of these is most likely? I am just so baffled and hurt by all of this and it doesn't feel like I'll ever get over it.

[Cool Chick]

I’m sorry to hear your going through this, but you can make it. I can’t tell you what he is thinking, but he must be some messed up in the head if he just walked out on a great person like yourself. Be strong, hang out with friends, maybe see a councilor to blow off some steam. Look on the bright side, I’ve been going through almost exactly what you’ve been going through, but for me ‘he’ lives next door! It was pure torture seeing him sleeping with another women less than two weeks after being with me….and he was my first! The pain was intolerable and I could not understand why he would be so cruel….that’s the only word I can put to it, cruel.

 

Stay strong, you’re not the one to blame, he is!

 

Cool Chick

[route1]

i really really feel sorry for you it must be horrible. i just have to say this for him to walk out and not reply to a text or e-mail is rotten. but there is 1 thing you can garentee. he does not care how you feel. i recently dumped someone and i was so gutted about what i done i could have stayed with her all nite just talking to make her feel better.

 

use the fact that it is clear in your mind that you done nothin to ruin the relationship. and closure should be that this pig is ignoring you and not really explaining himself. it also sounds like the behaviour of some1 who is already in another relationship. i will keep you in my prayers 2nite.

 

i am not even going to say it will get easier because thats everyones answer. you feel sad,lonely confused rejected. and soon there will be anger. so these things can scar you a little it will take time for these feelings to fade. but i do hope you are better asap.

[dfreeman]

I was lucky in that my ex gave me solid closure. It hurt to hear some of her reasons at the time, but they were valid and final and I guess we both felt that I had to hear them.

 

I don't think you really owe your ex closure or comfort (sometimes those things are hard to give someone without hurting yourself or them any further), but I do think you owe them peace. By that I mean, barring any harassment or excessive contact, I think you should be courteous and return calls and e-mails/tms. Unwanted contact may lesson your opinion of your ex or cause you some uneasiness, but it should be enough for you to know that they are hurting and grant them a little bit of peace along the way?

[spookie]

Man, sedgwick... (((hugs)))

 

I have no idea what to tell you. I have all the same questions. How could he go from loving me (the last time I saw him, when he was dropping me off at the airport) to never wanting to speak to me again? How could he think I am the worst thing to have happened to him, after we had been best friends, after I had loved him so completely; after all our memories, all the magic?

 

Does he not remember swimming in the creek with our clothes on the first November? Or hiking barefoot on stones for 12 hours through a dried creek in the dead of summer back to our car, how exhausted and filthy we were when we got there at 3 in the morning? Or driving to the radio tower in the dark. Sleeping in the cave.

 

How could he have forgotten?

 

And will I ever be over him? I have no idea. I am told yes; but in my gut I doubt it. In my gut I know it's just mazes and mazes of sadness from here, unless we can settle on some kind of happy balance in which he is in mylife. Because, I love him now as much as I did the day we met, in math class, when we looked at each other, grinned, and went back to my dorm to cuddle. As much as I did when I was so happy to see him at the airport after a week apart that I cried - standing there in his filthy white t-shirt, he literally took my breath away. I'm coping, now; I no longer break down in public; but it's only cause I've learned to cry on the inside, directing my tears to my throat to be swallowed instead of letting them slide out my eyes.

 

So I don't know what to tell you, sedgwick. But I hope it works out for you in a way in which you can be happy. Everyone always says get over it, he was no good for you, go NC, but I dunno, IMO it's unreasonable to apply ideal expectations on imperfect people. Maybe some time will pass and you will be friends. Life is long. You have no idea what's in store.

 

The question mark is keeping me going.

[your star]

hi sedgwick,

 

My ex of almost 7 years disappeared on me as well. He simply walked out of my life and pretty much fell off the face of earth. I tried to reach out and he didn't meet me half way to have some closure. Then on my birthday back in October, he got in contact with me. My first and only question I asked him was why he felt the need to simply disappear so easily and block me out his life after so many wonderful years. And his response was, it was his only way to not hurt me or see me suffering. It became too much for him, so he blocked out everything. That it may of seemed like it was soo easy for him by his actions, but it was on his mind 24/7. I really now believe when someone totally disappears, or acts tough about a break-up, that they probably feel the opposite. I guess we all deal with situations differently, but I for one will never understand the idea of running.

[sedona]

Judging from your post, the problem isn't you or what you did or didn't do. The problem is him. Stop beating yourself up over what could have been, if only...

 

It's not your fault!

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Sedgwick,

 

I always read your posts. I feel like I understand how you feel. Honestly, I met somebody a year and six months ago that really changed my life. I have never truly gotten over this person. I feel so ridiculous admitting this, but it's true. I thought that I had but I was just lying to myself. I really hate this feeling...I feel like I have an emptiness in my life.

[traveller991]

Hi:

 

Just want to tell you about a breakup I had in, yes ... June of 1994. Sorry folks this will probably be LS's longest post!

 

I had been divorced, single Mom for a long time, some short term relationships, nothing much for about 13 years. THEN ... I met M. Divorced, two little girls (my baby girl had diedlong before and I had a son of 18 when I met M) so I was in heaven, doing family stuff, braiding the girls' hair, etc. I was in absolute heaven. It was, I thought, everything I had always yearned for in a relationship. We dated only for a year but I thought this was really IT. Fabulous sex, much laughter, a wonderful time. A year after we met we went on a holiday for a week to where my son had moved about 6 hours from here. Two days after we got back M invited himself over for dinner and the first thing I noticed was that he had not brought his overnight bag. I didn't comment on it.

 

We had a barbeque, went upstairs to the deck, drank some wine, beautiful night, chatting away. It was now 10 pm and I said, "let's go in, I'm getting cold". He grabbed my hand and said "I don't want to do this any more" and proceeded to give me the dump chat for FOUR HOURS. He said he didn't love me, wanted his woman to be the sun and moon and stars and I wasn't. He said he didn't want to have sex with me any more, didn't even want to hold my hand. I couldn't believe what he was saying, I was in such shock. I asked him if that was why he hadn't brought his overnight bag, because he had come over to break up, and he said he hadn't planned it. Bull****. At this time M was 42 years old, not a kid.

 

So we came downstairs to the living room and he brought up his laundry list. Every picky little thing during the past year, none of which he had mentioned at the time. It was like he had been keeping some weird diary of everything and whipped it out that night.

 

One was that the night before I went to Hawaii with my girlfriend "we drank two bottles of wine". Well, yes, WE drank one bottle with dinner and then while I was packing he sat in the living room and drank another bottle. Which was my fault how?

 

Anyway, all these grievances were interspersed with "you are so funny, you are a better mother to my children than their own mother is", all my good points I guess thrown in to soften the blow.

 

After four hours of this I told him to leave because I had to go to work in the morning and at the door he grabbed me and started a big necking session and then left.

 

I woke up on the couch in my clothes at 6 am. Then started the biggest HELL I have ever been in. I went to work and couldn't stay so I went to his friend's work (big mistake!) and told him what had happened. He said he was shocked as as far as he knew I was the love of M's life.

 

Long story longer, I had what used to be called a "nervous breakdown" for about THREE YEARS. It was hard because after about 2 weeks M hand delivered a letter to my office while I was out, saying he hoped that July was not as dull and grey for me as it was for him, the only bright spot were the flowers I had planted for him in his windowbox, etc. etc. How wonderful I was, etc. I was furious because all the books say "write the person a letter" and in my opinion it's the worst thing to receive. I didn't respond. All I did was cry. Thank God I have good staff because I could not work for months.

 

So from June to October he called sometimes, nothing personal, asked me over for dinner but I always said no. He said he wanted to be friends. (This was during the breakup speech). When he said that I said, so you expect me to be friends, have dinner with you while you talk about your new woman or whatever, and he said yes, so I said so you would be fine with hearing about some new boyfriend I had? He said he wouldn't care. OUCH!!

 

He called a few times and left messages but I didn't call back because I just couldn't face any more of this. So then he started getting the girls to call me. Finally on my birthday (September) his daughter (9 years old) called and begged me to come out with them for my birthday so I did. It was awful. We had the usual time, bonfire on the beach, walk along the seawall, big necking session at the car. All the time I was screaming inside.

 

Then nothing again. Then we went to the fireworks. He dropped over a case of wine we had made. Etc. Etc. This went on until he called me on October 6th (how do we remember these dates?) and asked me to bring his clothes that he still had here to his work and he would buy me dinner. He told me it was hard going to nice places without his dress pants (then I knew he was dating). So I went, he said I looked great, we had dinner, then he actually kissed me on the forehead!!!) Oh I hate that patronizing gesture! and that was the last I heard from him. October 6, 1994.

 

He lives four blocks from where my son and his wife live and I STILL live in fear of running into him.

 

When I say don't be me, this is what I mean. I wasted three years of my valuable life thinking about him. Reliving every moment. Replaying the dump speech in my head 24/7 for at least two years. Going to therapy. Taking antidepressants. I slept on the couch for three years because I couldn't go in "our" bed. I started drinking. I gained 52 pounds. I almost lost my friends because all I could talk about was M and keep asking people why he would do that if I was such a great person. Why he would keep me on a string for 6 months. etc. etc.

 

If your bf has disappeared without the dump speech PLEASE consider yourself lucky. Believe me, you DO NOT WANT to hear whatever he has to say. When I look back on it now I wish I had simply said, oh, great, want to break up? Me, too and opened the door for him no matter what it took. I can still tell anyone who cares to listen practically every WORD of his four hour, softly spoken, greatly considered rationale for his actions. For over three years I felt as though my arms had been torn off and that eveyone in the world I knew and loved had just died.

 

I resolved NEVER to love anyone again. After about 6 years I could finally say to myself, this is great, I don't love anyone and nobody loves me so nobody can ever hurt me again. Not true of course, just going through it again, LOL. However I can say something in me broke that night. I am much more cynical and kind of bitter inside. I find it hard to accept love or trust that any man means what he says which is part of my recent breakup, I'm sure.

 

Anyway, since my obvious breakup with the long distance man (he just stopped calling 6 weeks ago) I found this site and have got so much help from it just knowing others are suffering, too, that I wanted to give something back to someone.

 

Please don't be me. Please don't hurt yourself any more.

 

Traveller991

[sedgwick]

Oh Traveller...I feel that I WILL be you. I don't think I could love or trust again if I wanted to, and I do want to. But whether I like it or not, he destroyed that capacity within me. I gave my heart wholly to him and I don't know how to take it back.

 

I lay awake all night last night just beating myself up for not being good enough for him. I'm so sad, so lonely, feel so worthless.

 

The only "speech" I got was that the love of his life, whoever she is, is an old-time fiddle player. He doesn't know her, he just knows that she's out there somewhere and she plays the fiddle.

 

I gave him absolutely everything I had. I don't have any more to give. I love him so much and he wants nothing to do with me. I feel that at 36, I'm destined to be alone forever. It took me my whole life to find him. I just can't see it happening again.

[traveller991]

Hi again:

 

Did you ever feel at some gut level that things were not quite right but didn't want to say anything for fear of rocking the boat? Did you see this coming at all? Were there times where he would stare out moodily and say nothing was wrong? Did he suddenly become interested in reincarnation or anything unusual? Old time fiddle player indeed!

 

What has helped me the most this last time (live and learn, eh?) is what some on this site object to, which is using your imagination to your benefit when thinking about the ex.

 

I now believe that a lot of my problem is my wild imagination. I am a published writer (CBC, magazines, etc.,) of what is called "literary fiction". I am capable of visualizing the ex-ld boyfriend having wild sex, kissing, I can hear his voice speaking in Spanish to her (don't even KNOW if he has a gf or not) while performing incredible sex acts. The other woman is, of course, always younger, thinner, blonder and has whatever it is that I don't. I imagine him madly in love and not giving me one thought in the world except happiness that he managed to fleece me out of $10,000 in 8 months.

 

The truth is I have in fact NO IDEA whatsoever what he is doing or with whom. I am only torturing myself with these wild imaginings. So it is beneficial to me whenever I have a jealousy surge to imagine him with a terrible cold, dead on his feet at work, wondering why I dont call HIM, perhaps geting reamed out at work by someone, and having a bad case of hemorhoids to boot. In this new image he is lying awake all night wondering what HE did wrong, beating himself up about all the lies he told etc. and knowing that he will never find a woman like me again on this planet.

 

I see that you are a writer and unfortunately a lot of us are broody, melancholic types who love drama and use it to torture ourselves.

 

I have to go out now but I hope you will respond as I really need someone today also. I am going back to the DR in two weeks and am scared ****-less.

 

Traveller

[Goodin]

So I just discovered by accident that my ex has a new myspace page. IOf course I had to look around on her page and then I found out about her out of town weekend with the new dude she is dating....I was doing good with NC for 8 days and then I saw her myspace page so I had to send her any email. Very brief, just telling her I ran into her myspace page and asked how she was doing and that I was thinking about her. I know, totally wrong probably but, I did it.

 

Alittle background: I was the one who did the breaking up, and we have been going back and forth for awhile but decided to call it quits for sure a few months ago because I just was not able to make a commitment to her. I do not know why I cannot commit to her but that was something I felt I had to figure out on my own to be fair to her. I obviously have lots of very strong feelings for her still and I can't seem to shake them!

 

I just don't know what to do right now so I thought I would post...I almost called her, but I tried calling my sister instead but she didn't answer. I am shaking with anxiety and pain right now, and trying to hold the tears back at work here.

 

Please just send some kind words and some love my way...I'm hurtin' here. ;(

[Goodin]

Oops....that was supposed to be a NEW thread! sorry;)

[sedgwick]

Goodin, you broke up with her and you still love her! What is it with men who dump amazing women because they can't commit? I honestly was never a better gf in my life than I was to my ex. Ever. And he left because he thought he could do better. It just kills me every day wondering if he still has even the tiniest bit of love in his heart for me.

[Goodin]

Hi Sedgwick - So since I accidentally tried to steal your thread I thought I would at least read it and comment on it.

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation and can't seem to get over your ex. Did he not give you any explanations?

 

I had a most wonderful girlfriend..we had great fun, were completely compatible, had great sex, she was just perfect, but for reasons I am still trying to work out in my head I was not able to fully, whole-heartedly commit to her, so I had to let her go out of respect for her. It was hard to do and took several months of termoil but I finally let her go. So for me I have commitment issues I am trying to deal with on my own stemmed probably from my parents marriage/divorce, and the last girl I loved that stomped my heart to pieces. So what I am saying is that your boyfriend dumping you could have been completely HIS problem with commitments and nothing really to do with you. And also the reason why he hasn't contacted you could be because, honestly it is incredibly painful to re-establish contact with the ex...and is self-defeating, even if you are the one who did the breaking up. He might be ignoring you so he can work on himself and work past that pain.

 

Anyway, that is just my two cents....that is the position I am in. I still love and deeply care for my ex...maybe your ex feels the same about you.

 

Goodin

[sedgwick]

Did you ever feel at some gut level that things were not quite right but didn't want to say anything for fear of rocking the boat? Did you see this coming at all? Were there times where he would stare out moodily and say nothing was wrong? Did he suddenly become interested in reincarnation or anything unusual? Old time fiddle player indeed!

 

No, none of those things! He's just OBSESSED WITH MUSIC. And he waffles a lot. One night when we first started dating, I tried to kiss him and he said, "I'm just not sure if I'm feeling it." I said, "Okay, fine. I won't make one more move, it's all up to you." Two hours later he was all over me. He waffles over EVERYTHING, so when he'd start that sort of thing, I'd just back off, and he'd come after me.

 

We never stopped talking when we were together. No moody staring, more like forcing ourselves to stop talking at 4 am so we could get some sleep. He's not interested in ANYTHING but old-time music, so no, no reincarnation obsession or anything like that.

 

He broke up with me because I am not a musician. That's the only reason I was given. We didn't fight, I didn't see it coming, and all his friends told me he was crazy about me and never shut up about me. And then he stopped speaking to me, and that was seven months ago. I sent him a text back in November telling him my book would be done Jan 15 and that if he wanted to call me after that I would love to hear from him. Nothing at all. Not even acknowledgment that I wrote something. Not even, "I know you wrote a book, now f*ck off." Just...nothing.

 

I'm sorry you're having a crappy day too. DR, do you mean Dominican Republic? How fun! How long will you be there?

 

I like what you said about imagining him miserable rather than happy. The last thing I said to my ex was, "You may have women tell you this all the time, but I love you unconditionally, always, for exactly the person you are." He said, "Nobody's ever said that to me before." Then he said he was sorry he couldn't give me what I wanted, and that was the last I ever heard from him. So of course now I think he's found this amazing fiddle player who's everything I am and then some, but maybe he's just off somewhere sleeping in his bass case, stinking.

[dfreeman]

Goodin, you broke up with her and you still love her! What is it with men who dump amazing women because they can't commit? I honestly was never a better gf in my life than I was to my ex. Ever. And he left because he thought he could do better. It just kills me every day wondering if he still has even the tiniest bit of love in his heart for me.

 

That is the bulls#1t we tend to feed ourselves when we have a great woman already feeding our stupid ass egos by loving everything about us.

 

I did it in my late 20s and I have not even come close to finding a woman of her caliber at 43. Now, here I am clinging to this forum trying to find comfort from a break up with a woman that couldn't even begin to compare to the one of long ago @#^8#!

 

I have WAAAAY more than a tiny bit of love in my heart for my ex from long ago (and not in a pathetic "wish she was single so I could be with her again" kinda way) - I love her with all my heart and am very happy that she got married to the man of her dreams 4 years ago. My recent ex...NOT SO MUCH!

[Goodin]

Hey Sedgwick...I think I might be your ex boyfriend! haha..I am an old time musician myself. You aren't from TN are you?

 

It sounds like from his initial reactions to you about the "Im just not feeling it" should have been a red flag for you. I pulled that sh*t on my ex when we first started dating (and on and on, hey at least I am honest), alot because I wasnt sure it would go anywhere but also it was my anxieties and fears about getting involved due to my commitment issues. Then we had sex and it was phenominal and got to be great friends, and I had dependency issues on her, and it was just a downward spiral from there.

 

Yeah I am a dumbarse for letting her go I know that, she was great...still working that out in my head.

[sedgwick]

Goodin! You're an old-time musician! Are you a bass player? Good god, if you are, you people are out of your minds. Like, WHAT IS IT about the music you play that makes you batsh*t crazy obsessed?!?!

 

No, he's not from TN. He's from VA. I am from AR, and having escaped the south and found ourselves in NYC was just one of the many things we had in common. We had the same first car (1966 white hardtop 289 Mustang), loved working on them (find me another girl who can change the oil and spark plugs on an old Mustang and explain the difference between 6 and 8 cylinders and can tell if it's a '65 or '66 just by looking at it), loved old machines (him, Victrolas; me, Super 8 cameras), and it just went on and on and on. The first time I pulled out my stack of Super 8 films and loaded one up on the projector to show him, it was footage of the very amphitheater in Eureka Springs, AR, where his band (which formed in NYC and had nothing to do with AR) played their first gig. It was just CONSTANT stuff like that with us. To the point that my friends said, "God, he's the boy you!" and his friends said, "she's the girl you!"

 

I know I should have realized he wasn't really into me right at first, on the night he made the comment about "not feeling it." But then he decided he wanted it (or pretended to have decided that, I guess) and couldn't keep his hands off me. I was so stupid to think he meant it, I know.

 

And here's the thing: he plays in this band that's, like, novelty jugband music from the 1930s, but his real love is old-time. I fell for him after seeing him playing with other musicians at an old-time jam; I knew nothing about the other band. He told me the reason he decided to go out with me was because I loved old-time music, and that if I'd met him with the other band, he wouldn't have, because that's not the music he loves. It's the music he plays to make money. The first email I ever sent him, once I finally got up the nerve, was about old-time banjo.

 

But I guess bellydancers with book deals who knit you gloves and hats and scarves out of cashmere and leave them on your pillow when you come home, who sneak sexy notes into the pockets of the pants in your suitcase when you go on tour, who give you long, full-body massages every time you come in off the road and never ask for reciprocation, who tell you they love you unconditionally for exactly who you are, girls who sit at home watching porn while you're away to get ideas for what to do to you when you come back (again without asking for reciprocation), girls who sneak you into the back seat of your van for a little five-minute "detour" before you go onstage -- I guess those girls are a dime a dozen. That's certainly how he made me feel. I don't know if I'll ever have any self-esteem again. I just feel like nothing I do takes any kind of talent -- that anyone can sell a book or bellydance or knit their own sweaters, but OLD-TIME MUSIC is right up there with BRAIN SURGERY and ROCKET SCIENCE. What I do is apparently so easy and so insignificant, and what I have to offer so easy to come by, that I'm not even worth speaking to.

 

Are all the old-time musicians you know just overrun with women waiting to be with them? Should I have known better before I even spoke to him? Should I have known that (bald, emaciated, non-deodorant-wearing) old-time bass players are huge rockstars and that I could just take a number for all he cared? I'm just so humiliated for having thought I could be good enough for someone like that. I really don't know if I'll ever live it down. I just feel like the whole NYC old-time community is laughing at me, going, "Oh, god, we're so glad Joe finally dumped that go-nowhere tattooed bellydancer chick."

Edited February 27, 2008 by sedgwick

[sedgwick]

That is the bulls#1t we tend to feed ourselves when we have a great woman already feeding our stupid ass egos by loving everything about us.

 

I did it in my late 20s and I have not even come close to finding a woman of her caliber at 43. Now, here I am clinging to this forum trying to find comfort from a break up with a woman that couldn't even begin to compare to the one of long ago @#^8#!

 

I have WAAAAY more than a tiny bit of love in my heart for my ex from long ago (and not in a pathetic "wish she was single so I could be with her again" kinda way) - I love her with all my heart and am very happy that she got married to the man of her dreams 4 years ago. My recent ex...NOT SO MUCH!

 

So, was it worth losing her not to have to commit? Do you feel you made the right decision?

[Goodin]

Dang Sedgwick.....so to boost your self-esteem....I would probably ask you out if we lived in the same place! You seem like a catch;) Your ex was dumb to leave you.

 

No, eventhough I am still alittle crazy, I am not a bass player. I play mandolin/guitar/bouzouki/tenor banjo. I started out playing bluegrass and old time but I have really gotten into trad. irish music lately. I play in a few bands but it is not my profession or anything...just a hobby...."keep your day job, till your night job pays!"

 

I love those ole' stangs;) My first car was a `72 cougar convertable with a 351 4bbl. She got totalled but saved my life. ah RIP.

 

My old girlfriend used to knit me hats and give me back massages...ahh I miss that.

 

What is your book about?

 

It seems like he might have been somewhat superficial if he would not date you because you didnt like a certain type of music.

 

So Sedgwick....you seem like a great girl..you have so much going for you...bellydancing-hot, knitting stuff-hot, the car thing-hot, your picture-hot...so just try to realize that this guy is NOT the only guy in the world and there are plenty of guys out there that would LOVE to have you and be proud to call you their woman and love you exactly for who you are.

[sedgwick]

Aw, thanks, Goodin. I'd probably go out with you too. Banjos are by far the hottest old-time instruments. F*ck basses.

 

And the thing is -- I LOVE old-time music! That's why we met! Hell, I grew up square dancing, and my granddad is a banjo player. He broke up with me because I am not an old-time MUSICIAN; specifically, a fiddle player.

 

His gf before me was a fiddle player. She broke up with him because he took her to Clifftop and refused to play with her because there were better musicians there. His gf before her was also a fiddle player, and I've heard he dumped her because she wasn't a good enough fiddle player for him either. (Am I crazy, or is a bass player dumping a fiddle player for not being a good enough musician kind of like a high school dropout dumping someone because she only got her master's from Harvard and not her PhD?)

[traveller991]

Hi again:

 

I am making myself feel better by responding to you - please indulge me!

 

I can see it now ... he heard of this fabulous music festival in the Appalachian mountains. It was a long journey involving trains and buses and eating cheesies for dinner. He camped out in a field for two nights before the festival in order to get a good spot. His tent leaked and he got a bladder infection so he had to keep getting up every two hours to walk across the field to the port-a-potty. But he was ever hopeful that there he would find his own true love.

 

On the second day he heard magical fiddle playing and knew his dream had been realized. He was far from the stage but from what he could see she was everything he had ever dreamed of and then some so he sent her a note and met her for chai tea at the concession stand. On closer inspection she had long hair alright, but it was in severe need of a hot olive oil treatment at the very least. She wore no makeup (no time for that, one must practice, you know) and a ratty black sweater with cat hair on it because as she has no time for relationships (all that practicing) she lives with 18 cats.

 

Since music is her only passion she doesn't care for fripperies like personal hygiene. She doesn't shave her armpits and has hairy ankles. Her teeth need cleaning (all that chai tea) but, God! can she play the fiddle!

 

They spend two weeks together playing music in the Appalachian Valley, visiting her 8 brothers who sit around on the porch in their undershirts taking turns holding the shotgun.

 

He begins to realize that she knows more about fiddle music than he does. He has a sinking feeling that she is a better fiddle player. He begins to feel less than. In bed he starts having a hard time getting past the hairy ankles. One night in the midst of sex he rolls over and yells out, "Oh, for God's sake! Just play your fiddle!"

 

She never compliments him and criticizes his fiddle playing. He is sick of talking about music because she knows more about it than he does.

 

So one day he tells her and it's not her, it's him, he has to be with someone who isn't a musician and she never hears from him again.

 

So there.

[sedgwick]

*dies laughing*

 

Well, if she had hairy legs and stinky pits and didn't wear makeup, she'd be his dream girl. I was willing to forego makeup (I only wear it when I'm playing bellydancer), but I refuse to be hairy and smelly. One day I got out of the shower, walked past him, and he sniffed and said, "What's that smell?" I said, "My deodorant?" His response: "Deodorant is gay."

[sedgwick]

I started out playing bluegrass and old time but I have really gotten into trad. irish music lately.

 

Do you know the British band "Half Man Half Biscuit?" They have a song in response to the '80s Starship hit called, "We built this city on a trad. arr. tune."

 

They also have one called, "Sh*t arm, bad tattoo." That's my favorite.

 

My book is about how body modification saved me from Jesus. I walked out of the Southern Baptist church and into a tattoo shop and the rest is history.