pinklady85 Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs and I have known him for 9 years (we have been living together for 3 yrs So you can say I might know him pretty well. I have never had reason to distrust him until about 4-5 weeks ago, he sent me a mass picture mail of something stupid he took a picture of at work and there was a number on the CC line that I didnt recognize so I asked him who it was. He said it was a Manager at one of his stops on his routes (he drives an armour truck). I got it out of him that it was a woman and he began to tell me, you dont have anything to worry about, she is married and has kids. She only has my number because she needed advise about something that she couldnt go to her husband about and they ended up friends. Well I was a little suspicious after that and thought that I would put it in the back of my mind and just one day pick up his phone and look for myself. (I have never been one to snoop, but I had to know). About 2 weeks later, I was waiting for him to get out of the shower and his phone beeps like it had a low batt, so I picked it up and looked and there were messages in there between him and her talking about sex and apparently they had been sending nude pictures back and forth, and her talking about masturbating to his picture. And even one instance where she sent him and video and the message said "I made the video that you wanted last night, now Im all tender and sore. Do you keep the stuff that I send you?" and his reply "Yes I keep it, just kept away from spying eyes" (his pictures/videos have a lock on them" So I confront him when he gets out of the shower. he begins to tell me that it started off as joking and went to far, he didnt know how to make it stop because she was so into him he was afraid she would charge him with sexual harrassment if he told her to stop. then I asked to see the pictures, I handed him his phone to unlock them and he broke it, and said "It will only make you mad". well we decided to work through this, I love him very much and I know he feels Horrible about the whole situation. Do you think I am over reacting? What can I do to make this easier? Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Whoa! Let me ask you this, what do YOU feel the chances are that he has slept with this woman? I would say that if anything you are not reacting enough. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 He broke the phone? Time for a "vacation". Nothing like a man getting caught with his "boxes touching".... If he would've responded in a mature manner commensurate with your long relationship, I'd say definitely work on it, but he sounds a bit immature to me. What does your man-o-meter say? Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I don't think you're overreacting in the slightest. The sexual harrassment line is crap. Has he now stopped? Or is he still afraid of sexual harrassment? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklady85 Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 No I don't think he slept with this girl. I asked him and he told me no, and I believe him. He admits that it is his fault it went that far and he said it wouldn't have gone further (that I dont know what to think about). I asked him if he got excited with the stuff she was sending him and he said "yeah, but not like you think. It was just different, no one else but you sends me stuff like that." I went on to tell him that is how it is supposed to be. Although it hurts, its seems to me like a maturity issue. I had planned on calling it quits all together but we talked about alot of things and how he needs to look at our relationship as a "grown up relationship". We are not in highschool anymore and, no we are not married, but he is 25 and I will be 23 this year we live together and have a joint....everything. Im not by no means excusing him for anything, in fact I look at it as flat out cheating! But I love him and I am willing to work it out with him and If he wants the same then he will follow through with everything we talked about. I just dont know how to stop thinking about it. It bothers me alot. It makes me feel like I am not good enough, and he justifies it by saying "Its the same as porn, and you look at that too" but its not. Is this possible to get through? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 It makes me feel like I am not good enough, and he justifies it by saying "Its the same as porn, and you look at that too" but its not. Is this possible to get through? It is NOT like porn. Porn doesn't send you sexy emails or texts. Porn doesn't RESPOND to you - it's a passive form of entertainment. You watch something, there is no interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklady85 Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 Yea I know. When he said that I turned it around and asked him "If you picked up my phone and saw anything like this how would you feel? wouldn't it hurt you? You would think I was cheating right?" and he agreed. I just want to get over all of this, and it doesnt help that I have her number (from the initial time he sent that mass picture mail) My jealous side wants to go to her job and call her out, but it wasnt only her, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 Word. It takes time, ya know? Maybe you should consider MC? Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 I don't think you are overreacting AT ALL. And way to go for catching him. What if he has done this before and this is just the first time you caught him? What makes you think he won't do it again? He can swear to it but generally when a guy does something like this, he'll do it again. Naked pictures... that is so crossing the line and no one deserves that. I'd kick his horny ass to the curb. Even if he didn't actually sleep with her, what he did is cheating. Sorry to be so mean about this, but it's just my experience. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinklady85 Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 I had every intention of leaving when I found that. Its just hard to explain why I didn't maybe im dumb, or just in love. I know most people in my situation would not stick around. I just feel like it can work and I don't wanna walk out and always wonder if I could have made it work. Im gonna give it a try and I know its going to be hard, I just wanted an outside opinion to know if I was over reacting or not. And if anyone has been in a similar situation. Thank you all so much for your input, it is much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I had every intention of leaving when I found that. Its just hard to explain why I didn't maybe im dumb, or just in love. Well you had damn well better figure out why you are staying because that is an awful reason to stay. It sounds like you are still young and maybe you are too afraid to tear your life apart from him and be out on your own...? Link to post Share on other sites
ribeena Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I understand where you are coming from when you say... "Its just hard to explain why I didn't (leave him) maybe im dumb, or just in love. I know most people in my situation would not stick around. I just feel like it can work and I don't wanna walk out and always wonder if I could have made it work." After all, it wasn't as though you were up to the same. For the last 3 years I assume you felt secure in your relationship and have never come accross this before? However I think if you want to continue in this relationship it sounds as though you need to address some issues first - you need to find out why he strayed and make him realise how no, it isn't like porn at all and how much it hurt you. If you want to continue in your relationship there needs to be trust, and at the moment that trust has been broken. At the end of the day, a partner can stray for any number of reasons, if you want to make it work you have to address these reasons to see where the problem lies and to figure out for yourself whether he is truely sorry and that it was just a slip up or whether he is a real cheat and always will be a cheat! Good luck and I hope it all works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Miracle777 Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 You poor thing, he cheated and you love him and don't want to let him go. Because it's you I think - People don't change. Of course when it comes to my own case I believe in miracles - and have just paid some very expensive prices when not getting them. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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