When they've moved on and you haven't. How do you cope?

[Confused9]

He moved on with the OW. We have no contact. He doesn’t have contact with anyone from our old lives. I am trying hard to move on, but I know deep down I am not. I have tried to date (that was scary) and I realized I am not ready to date. I am working two jobs; my normal full time job and then my waitressing job because he left me with a sh*t load of debt so I am staying VERY busy. But, I am down a lot. I miss him a lot and it’s so hard to face the truth that he is gone.

 

I struggle with the fact that he fell out of love with me. I still don’t believe he did. He said he did and he acted so cruel, but I believe it was the guilt causing him to act that way. But I hold on to that and try and make it something it isn't. Try to take his actions and swing them positively to mean something they can't possible mean. Then I realize how others must see it from their point of view after everything he did to me. How could I believe he loved me? I just don’t know. I feel so hopeless all the time. I worry about the wasted years. I worry that I will never see him again. I worry that I will never get over what he did. Besides therapy and keeping busy…what else can I do? How do I let him go?

[Nomad1]

Confused. I understand how painful it must be for you, but you must accept that it is finished. He treated you like crap. He does not deserve you. There are decent men out there waiting for the chance to meet someone like you. Give them the chance to.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

Nomad1

[Confused9]

Well last I spoke to him...he told me they lost the baby. To be honest, I don't know if the baby thing was even true. He said so much crap.

 

UGH! I am just so hopeless. Like GET OVER HIM ALREADY!!!!

[Mr. Lucky]

Well last I spoke to him...he told me they lost the baby. To be honest, I don't know if the baby thing was even true. He said so much crap.

 

UGH! I am just so hopeless. Like GET OVER HIM ALREADY!!!!

Confused, there are many good books that discuss how we grieve. You are in the process and, timewise, it simply takes as long as it takes. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way as it's normal, natural and predictable. You'll know when you're ready to move on...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Aboohoo]

 

I struggle with the fact that he fell out of love with me. I still don’t believe he did. He said he did and he acted so cruel, but I believe it was the guilt causing him to act that way. But I hold on to that and try and make it something it isn't. Try to take his actions and swing them positively to mean something they can't possible mean. Then I realize how others must see it from their point of view after everything he did to me. How could I believe he loved me? I just don’t know. I feel so hopeless all the time. I worry about the wasted years. I worry that I will never see him again. I worry that I will never get over what he did. Besides therapy and keeping busy…what else can I do? How do I let him go?

 

Confused - you have just described perfectly on how i am feeling, thank you. Ive been struggling on how to describe my feelings and thoughts but somehow you've made it all seem clear. Its wierd but it helps to know what someone else feels the same way. I feel for you i really do as i know that its extremely hard. It sucks but only time can heal and remember what goes around comes around. Keep smiling because you DESERVE to xxx

[Confused9]

Thanks Mr. Lucky. I am trying to be strong and move forward but I have days when it just seems next to impossible. It funnny how you can miss someone who has done so much damage to you.

 

Aboohoo, I hope you find strength and courage and peace in this time. I know how trying it is. Take care of yourself and try and do something to make you smile once a day at least.

 

WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS (I hope.)

[PinkRibbon]

Hi Confused9,

I don't know how you are supposed to move forward. It has almost been 5 months for me and I don't feel any better about anything. I have my good days but mostly I have bad days. I have cried almost everyday for 5 months now and I am at the point I don't know how much more of this I can take.

 

I just wake up each day and feel like such a robot. I go through the daily motion of child, work and home. There is no joy in anything anymore. I am even losing all the joy I used to find in my child.

 

I would love to find the tallest mountain and just sit on the top and scream out all my pain. My head is always running full tilt. Constantly thinking the most horrible thoughts. I don't think fluffy bunnies and pretty ponies.

 

And today is his birthday and here again I have to pretend my husband does not exist. Where in the world is that fair? I can't get him a card or a gift or even a happy birthday.

 

I wish with all my heart he would contact me and say he loves me, misses me and wants to work on our marriage. But wishes never come true.

[Confused9]

oh PR...why hasn't it been easier for us? I wish we were both well on our way to healing. I mean...the pain is different. but it is still there.

 

I wish that we can just catch a break.

 

Try and enjoy time with your child. That is unconditional love right there. Let that help mend your heart back. I hope in 5 months we will feek better. I really do.

 

 

Take care of yourself. : )

[Gunny376]

As women? You're not doing enough to create Oxytocin in your system, but by going to work, home, child, etc and working two jobs ~ you're producing tetestrone.

 

Your dealing with stess which leads to feeling of anxiety, fear, anger, tension, frustration, hopelessness, and depression.

 

Someways of creating oxtocin in own your own?

 

Get a massage

 

Get your hair done

 

Get a manicure and / or pedicure

 

Plan a night out with your girlfriends

 

Talk to a freind on the phone

 

Have a non-business related meal with a friend

 

Cook a meal witha friend and clean up together

 

Meditate while walking or do deep breathing while exercising

 

Paint a room with family or friends

 

Listen to music

 

Sing in the shower

 

Take singing lessons

 

Join the church choir

 

Sing in a group

 

Take a scented bath

 

Light candles at dinner

 

Shop for fun with a friend

 

Visit a day spa or take a spa vactaion with friends

 

Give yourself a facial

 

Wok out with a personal trainer

 

Take a yoga class

 

Take dancing lessons

 

Walk for at least an hour

 

Schedule a regular walk and talk with a friend

 

Prepare a meal for friends with a new baby

 

Prepare a meal for friends and family who are sick

 

For 75 more ideas and a better understanding as to how replenishing your oxytocin is to you as a woman? And dealing with stress? Read "Why Mars & Venus Collide" ~ Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men And Women Cope Differently With Stress" John Gray Ph.D $17.34 on sale now a WalMart! Good book!

[Confused9]

Thank you Gunny!

[Gunny376]

In John's Gray's book that I mentioned above? He tells about the different ways men and women go about handling stress ~ and what activities create stress in men and women.

 

Different activities trigger the release of different hormones in men and women? Which gives them a sense of stress release, feeling good, optomistic, hopeful, content, happy etc.

 

In men ~ it testerone (spelling?) which comes about when men fix things, are part of the solution to the problem, the answers to the questions. While men can multitask ~ women excell at it. They're virtually desgined for it? Men are more comfortable with focusing on one task at one time ~ that is to say doing "projects"

 

Men? Men's minds are more like a wooden spoon and a ceramic bowl? Women's because of their multiple cross lateral connections between their two lobes of their brain are more like a high speed blender.

 

Thus women have a greater need for communication ~ while men have less so ~ (read the book, along with the Feb 2006 edition of National Geographic Magazine, and a book out of Great Britian titled "Why Men Don't Have A Clue, And Women Need Another Pair of Shoes"

 

Consequently? Women have a never ending to do list ~ and this is before factoring in their entering the workplace?

 

My point is that modern day economics of modern day to day living necessitate women entering the work place which = stress. Stress from every angle ~ along with anger, resentment, guilt, regreat. And then they bring all that stress home from their first job to their second job? Thus more stress.

 

The problem is? Mentally, emotionally, pyschologically women are more designed to be loving, caring, nuturing, giving, sharing. But, in the work-a-day-world, theres' very little time and room for that sort of thing? Its "GO, GO, GO! DO! DO! DO!"

 

But its the loving, caring, nuturing, giving, sharing etc that releases in women the very thing that they need?

 

Oxytocin and the way for you to get this is to give, nuture, share, love, care etc. And the primary person that you need to give this to is yourself? Men have less need of it ~ and indeed ~ can turn off the need for it? Its the hormone that releases stress in women? Men just turn off, tune out, veg out? Indeed Men need that "fire gazing" (watching football, basketball, (We like sports because it appeals to the "Hunter" in us")

 

So.................................if you want out of this Hell that you find yourself in? Give yourself an Oxytocin boost! Do loving, caring, sharing, nuturing things for yourself and others?

 

If your a guy? Join the local baseball league, Hockey league, go to the gym ~ get into projects, Do things that boost your testerone. Pump some iron! Oxytocin does very little for you!

 

Bottom line? Get busy living ~ or get busy dying!

 

__________________________________________

 

Now for you Confused ~ check out Hellen Hunts "Debt Proof Living" I'm a finance major and her books and website are the best resoruce for the down and dirty of day to day living for us working class! Its a paid website and damn worth all $2 each month to just access her newsletters about 1001 different ways to make potatoes! How to have Christmas when you don't have any money! Casserole Recipie Heaven!

 

NOW GET YOUR HAPPY @SS OUT THERE AND RUB SOME Oxytocin ON YOUR FACE! THAT'S AN ORDER!

[SarahT111]

PinkRibbon and confused

 

Im sooo sorry to read of your pain!!!

Im going through the same thing and I wish as hard as I can every day that he will contact me and tell me he wants to work on it and that he does love me after all! Even after everything he put me through!

Im doing NC and it has been 3 months. I have been through xmas, new years, vday and his bday all without out being able to contact him and with the devestating knowledge that he is spending it with someone else.

I just want sooo badly to contact him and say im sorry and we can start again

But just like you pinkribbon my wishes dont come true and if they do they backfire

Im beginging to wonder how much more I can take. I have worked extremelly hard and done everything possible yet im still extremelly depressed and unable to function most days.

 

If you know anything that actually helps please let me know!

[Gunny376]

PinkRibbon and confused

 

Im sooo sorry to read of your pain!!!

Im going through the same thing and I wish as hard as I can every day that he will contact me and tell me he wants to work on it and that he does love me after all! Even after everything he put me through!

Im doing NC and it has been 3 months. I have been through xmas, new years, vday and his bday all without out being able to contact him and with the devestating knowledge that he is spending it with someone else.

I just want sooo badly to contact him and say im sorry and we can start again

But just like you pinkribbon my wishes dont come true and if they do they backfire

Im beginging to wonder how much more I can take. I have worked extremelly hard and done everything possible yet im still extremelly depressed and unable to function most days.

 

If you know anything that actually helps please let me know!

 

Part of the reason that women from the Austrialia and New Zeland, the Phillipines etc have such a hard time with men is that the ratio of women to men is disperportinate to that of men?

 

In Australia and NZ ~ along with the Phillipines women outnumber men at the rate of 9:1? This is due to several factors?

 

The first is that there are more female births than male births? In Au, NZ, and the Phillipines this fact (worldwide) is compounded by the WWI, WWII, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War?

 

Thus for men? Its a "buyers" market? And women are left holding the bag.

 

I always loved doing a port of call in Au and NZ ~ not to mention the Phillipines? I never strayed ~ but I got all kinds of the "Big Head" from the attention from the ladies?

 

Again? Its not enough that you work, work, work! Work is a tetesterone building activity for women? Which just piles the stress upon the stress for women?

 

What you women need are Oxytocin building activties ~ some of which I have listed in my previous post? You know the drill ~ do what comes natural? Girly things that make you feel "girly"

 

And I'm not talking about such things as sex, and what? I'm talking about doing things like

 

Sharing

 

Giving

 

Nurturing

 

Bonding

 

Communicating

 

Talking

 

Pampering (Yourself and others)

 

Giving yourself to others ~ without expectation of anything in return?

 

These kinds of activities will release and produce Oxytocin in your brain? And when that happens you will feel happier and more content in and with your life?

 

Physical exercise is very important ~ it just this plain and simple? If your having trouble sleeping? You've not got enough physical exerciation in your life? Just that plain and simple! I never had a problem falling asleep in the Marine Corps ~ most days? It was 12 hour days ~ can to can't! Especially when I was in boot camp? My "rack" was my best buddy!

 

When it comes to an exercise program of any kind ~ ACTION must precede thought? That is to say? That you simply must compell yourself out there everyday for about six months to a year before you feel the need to do so! Same with changing your eating habits!

 

For the first six months to a year? Your going to hate it ~ the drugery of it all ~ stick with it ~ your going to need it and wonder how you ever lived without it!

 

For depression? Saint John's Wart. Non-prescription, over the counter, non-addictive. Available at WalMart. In the Vitamin ~ Natural additive section of most stores.

 

For sleep? Melotonin. Same deal.

Edited March 1, 2008 by Gunny376

[Gunny376]

Thank you Gunny!

 

I'm serious Confused!

 

You want and need to feel better about your "sit-rep" (Situation Report) ~ you've got to get back to the basics of being a woman ~ an individual ~ a person ~ human being!

 

That means

 

Giving, sharing, nuturing, bonding, communicating, talking, etc!

 

And that means taking care of you first! Got it! Don't forget it!

[Confused9]

Thank you Gunny.

 

 

I will work on making myself happy and doing things to pamper myself. I hope that works.

 

These past days have been very emotional. I have yet to reach the angry stage but I have been every very sad. I am constantly thinking about the breakup and how he did it and why he did it and how can he be happy, etc.

 

I don't know if this is the end of the mourning of the end or what but I hope it is. I just can't take much more of this.

 

The moral of the story is he did it. I don't know why, how, when the decision was made to end it but it was made and that is all that matters. I just wish I had more time with him. I miss him terribly. But, I guess I don't miss him - I miss the man he was. He isn't that man anymore. He is a terrible terrible man now.

 

Thanks for your advice Gunny. I will take every bit of it and try my hardest to promote positiveness in my head. I sure need it.

[datingmum]

My only advice be that you concentrate concentrate concentrate on how you affected the relationship. I am not telling you to take all of the responsiblility for his actions, I am sure that he did horrible things and was cruel. But think about your relationship before it ended and work on the issues in therapy that affect you. Do your best to leave ponderings over him/his thoughts etc as much at bay as possible.

 

Do what Gunny says as well....

 

good luck

[Confused9]

Thanks Datingmum.

 

I know our relationship wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could. We had a good thing. We were best friends. We were in love and I did everything I could to make him happy. I guess it just wasn't enough.

 

Sure, I am not perfect and I caused fights and yelled at him for being messy. Sometimes I was too tired for s*x, but I did nothing that would have caused this. Nothing to make him stray. He was drunk and weak and made a mistake. I can't take responsibility for that. I can take responsibility for taking us for granted and thinking he will always be there. Thinking we would always have one more day - but after how he treated me, what he did...he should be in therapy figuring out what he did...not vice versa.

[Melovator]

Dear confused9, i my last session with my psych I stated that "I understood how the breakdown of mine and my ex's relationship was half my fault" this after spending ten months of my life basically thinking it was all my fault. My psych is a very nice guy, but he got pissed at me when I said this. He said "I've been doing this work for years and I think the theory that any relationship breakdown is a 50/50 responsibility is bullsh*t invented by cheaters to justify their actions. Doesn't mean that you did everything right but if he was unhappy it was his personal responsibility to do something about it, to talk about it, to raise the issues. You are in no way responsible because he decided to cheat, that was a decision he made all on his own."

 

So yeah you might not have been perfect, no-one is but unless you got a gun and forced him to f**k the OW 7 style you are in no way responsible for his actions in being a cheating lying a-hole. What you have over your ex though is the chance to reevaluate your life, to work out your own priorities and issues, to realise that your happiness is in your control and does not depends on the whims of shallow losers. This is f**king hard but getting through it is worth it because you will wind up with a better life than you ever imagined before because you will not have to carry an emotional retard around.

[Gunny376]

Thank you Gunny.

 

 

I will work on making myself happy and doing things to pamper myself. I hope that works.

 

These past days have been very emotional. I have yet to reach the angry stage but I have been every very sad. I am constantly thinking about the breakup and how he did it and why he did it and how can he be happy, etc.

 

I don't know if this is the end of the mourning of the end or what but I hope it is. I just can't take much more of this.

 

The moral of the story is he did it. I don't know why, how, when the decision was made to end it but it was made and that is all that matters. I just wish I had more time with him. I miss him terribly. But, I guess I don't miss him - I miss the man he was. He isn't that man anymore. He is a terrible terrible man now.

 

Thanks for your advice Gunny. I will take every bit of it and try my hardest to promote positiveness in my head. I sure need it.

 

Its not just about "pampering" yourself ~ that's good for you as well ~ its also about "giving" to and doing for others? Women need that!

 

Women literally need to "talk it out~ walk it out, work it out" Its not that you need someone to give you the answers nor the solutions? Its that you need to talk, walk, and work "wash" him right out your hair?

 

You? You know what the answers and the solution to the problem ~ but that doesn't albiet your need to "walk, talk and work" him out of your life?

 

You know that you did just fine "X" amount of years before he ever entered your life ~ and you'll do just fine

"Y" amount of years long after he's gone?

[br0ken_w0lf]

To Confused and PinkRibbon: I haven't been on here lately but I wanted to say I'm sorry to hear of what you're both going through. I'm just past 7 months in a very similar situation, roles reversed (wife left, is with OM, I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", etc.) and I also used to think I'd never make any progress. I was absolutely miserable, just didn't want to be here anymore.

 

But time really does heal. I used to drive myself insane replaying events and things that were said over and over in my head. Trying to make sense of it all, trying to find logic and explanation in it. Then, a while back, I started to believe in some things people here told me: why should I pine over someone who made the choice not to be with me? I realized that even if, given the chance, it would be next to impossible to get things back to where they were. Too much damage had been done and I realized it.

 

I'm not perfect and I have my own issues to deal with, but my attitude now is that at some point, I'll meet someone who will want to be with me and want to *stay* with me. The other thing I find that's really helped is little or no contact. I was too scared of the consequences of officially initiating it but it's just sort of happened and I know I'm doing so much better as a result (I even suspect the same could be said for my wife as she was having doubts at various times).

 

So hang in there. It may come gradually over several weeks or it may come more quickly over a few days but you will get to the point where you have a much different outlook on things!

[Confused9]

Melovator,

THANK YOU!!! It kills me when people say, well...you were part of the problem you can't blame him for everything and I'm not blaming him for everything just cheating, lying and walking out on me like I had the plague. Then skipping out on the debt he owes me. He turned in to a monster. I don't even know who he is anymore. What he has done to me is just dispicable. I know he has to live with that for the rest of his life but it seems like he doesn't care. It seems like he doesn't miss me and that kills me.

 

Gunny,

I am trying to talk it out, walk it out, everything. I can't get it out of my head. For some reason it's all I think about lately. REplaying everything over and over in my head. Crying at the littlest things. Missing him so bad. How the eff could he not miss me? That seems next to impossible. Spending 7 years with someone and then dropping them out of your life like a bad habit without any closure or goodbye but he seems huncky dory. I just don't get it. I know he has someone there to take his mind off things. But he is living in a whole new state, not talking to anyone who he was close too just 5 months ago, he has this whole new life. It's almost like he started over, fresh. Why does he get to do that? He gets to be away from all the memories. I am stuck here. I am trying not to be stuck...doing new things, keeping VERY busy, working to pay OUR debt we both caused and he is off banging some hussy. Living the life. Not having to pay for his consequences. That knowledge kills me.

 

Brokenwolf,

I hope one day that I can be as strong as you. I hope I can be over this mess. I don't like to live like this anymore. It is so frustrating. I am trying to do all I can to get over him and I can't. I mean, obvisouly some days are worse than others but I can't sleep - my mind is always racing. Replaying his words, the things he said. Trying to figure out if he fell out of love with me or just made a mistake. Feeling stupid because for a month or so I had no idea he was being unfaithful. How could he do this to me? How could he not feel bad? How can he look at himself in the mirror. All things him. Not even thinking of myself. Everything revolves around him, still. It's so aggravating. I just wish I could wake up and be over it and move on. It's been 4 months. 4 horrible months. Now him an OW have been together for 4 months. They are probably well on their way to be in love. Maybe they are in love. Not sure why that matters to me so much...but it does. No one understands that. But, why shouldn't it. Thsi man was my life. My love for 7 years. Then he left me...so fast...for someone else. Picked up and moved away. Won't talk to anyone from our past. Anyone. I try to focus on myself but it's hard becasue I am so focused on how he can be happy. How he gets to have a new love and how he could not feel bad fro what he did.

 

Why did he have to be so mean? Why was he so angry at the end? What did I do to deserve this? It's so frustrating. My whole life has changed and not for the better, yet anyway. I just want to be happy. I am trying to make myself happy but it's hard becasue it's always on my mind!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[PinkRibbon]

Dear confused9, i my last session with my psych I stated that "I understood how the breakdown of mine and my ex's relationship was half my fault" this after spending ten months of my life basically thinking it was all my fault. My psych is a very nice guy, but he got pissed at me when I said this. He said "I've been doing this work for years and I think the theory that any relationship breakdown is a 50/50 responsibility is bullsh*t invented by cheaters to justify their actions. Doesn't mean that you did everything right but if he was unhappy it was his personal responsibility to do something about it, to talk about it, to raise the issues. You are in no way responsible because he decided to cheat, that was a decision he made all on his own."

 

So yeah you might not have been perfect, no-one is but unless you got a gun and forced him to f**k the OW 7 style you are in no way responsible for his actions in being a cheating lying a-hole. What you have over your ex though is the chance to reevaluate your life, to work out your own priorities and issues, to realise that your happiness is in your control and does not depends on the whims of shallow losers. This is f**king hard but getting through it is worth it because you will wind up with a better life than you ever imagined before because you will not have to carry an emotional retard around.

 

I really like what your psych said. It makes so much sense and and I have never thought of it that way. I have always thought the 50/50 rule also. But if he was so unhappy then heck yea he should have said something instead of cheating then leaving.

Edited March 5, 2008 by PinkRibbon

[PinkRibbon]

Thank you BrokenWolf. I hope at 7 months I will be at the place your are. You seem so calm and not at odds with the events. Everyday is one day closer to finally being rid of him in my head. We have strict no contact with each other so it does help. I do have the moments when I wonder what he is doing at the time but I have to let it go and not think about it. Time will help.

[Gunny376]

Gunny,

I am trying to talk it out, walk it out, everything. I can't get it out of my head. For some reason it's all I think about lately. REplaying everything over and over in my head. Crying at the littlest things. Missing him so bad. How the eff could he not miss me? That seems next to impossible. Spending 7 years with someone and then dropping them out of your life like a bad habit without any closure or goodbye but he seems huncky dory. I just don't get it. I know he has someone there to take his mind off things. But he is living in a whole new state, not talking to anyone who he was close too just 5 months ago, he has this whole new life. It's almost like he started over, fresh. Why does he get to do that? He gets to be away from all the memories. I am stuck here. I am trying not to be stuck...doing new things, keeping VERY busy, working to pay OUR debt we both caused and he is off banging some hussy. Living the life. Not having to pay for his consequences. That knowledge kills me.

 

There are those of us that have morals, codes, values, principals that we live by and that we would never violate.

 

There are "givers" and then there are "users, losers, and abusrers"

 

The simple fact of the matter is? There are those ~ both men and women that use and abuse others for their own selfish reasons? Its all about them? Pity the woman that he's with now ~ for he is using and abusing you as he did you!

 

There was a time in my life? When I literally and actually thought that all women were nice? Sharing, giving, nuturing, loving, rational! Needless to say? I've found out differently?

 

Truth be known? Be you a man or be you a woman ~ there truly are only a handfull of people ~ be they men or be they woman ~ that you can allow into your inner circle.

 

Just turn on the tv or read the local paper ~ to see how Father treats sons and daughters, how mothers treat sonns and daughters, etc? Husbands treat wives and wives treat husbands? Locally, an 82 years old man is in jail for trying to kill his own son ~ a police officer!

 

I know and feel your pain ~ but your recovery from this is 100% your own! Its up to you to get up each morning, put a smile (even if you don't feel like it) and a laugh in your voice, and to get your happy self out there and rub a little sunshine on your face each morning!

 

Hard? You bet! But no matter who you are? Life's a struggle? Some of us have it worse than some? But most of us have it better than most in this world!

 

I don't know what Bill Gates worries about ~ but you can bet your last bottom dollar is old lady is giving him grieve about something?

 

The truth of the matter is? Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be ~ and your personal happiness? Your responsible for that ~ not me ~ and certainly not the EX-HEX!

 

Just like me? I'm not responsible for your happiness and you sure as hell aren't responsible for mine!

 

So I get up each morning ~ and I put on some music that gets me motivated, up and moving about the place!

I put on coffee, check out what's going on in the world. Each day? I get busy living!

 

For twenty-two years? I did just "Jim-Fine-And-Dandy" without the EX, and for the last eighteen years? I've been doing pretty damn good ~ if I say so myself! It keeps getting better each and everyday!

 

For your money troubles?

 

You might want to check out and Goggle "Mary Hunt" and "Debtproof Living"

 

Mary was a SouthernCal Mom who found herself with a mortgage, a couple of (f)lease payments on vehicles, and about $100,000 worth of credit card debt.

 

To top it off? Her DH was a bank officer?

 

She started a newsletter for $2 a month, in order to obtain funds to pay down her debt ~ then when the interenet came along ~ begin putting it on the web?

 

Chalked full of ideas ~ it you join the website you'll get acess to the fourm ($2 a month) and how to make it, and how others deal with problems ~ recipies ~ "100 ways to cook potatoes!" What creditors can and can't do? (For example ~ when I was going through my troubles Capital One said my debt would never go away?

Well @sshats! In Alabama? You've got three years to collect on credit card debt! After that? "Absolute Defense")

 

(Absolute Defense varies from state to state ~ in some states? Its as long as six years!)

 

Meanwhile?

 

Keep on Smiling! Keep crying the tears! But never forget! Keep on smiling through the tears! Its going to get better! Its just a matter of time! That's all it is ~ just a matter of time!

[Confused9]

Thank you Gunny! Seriously, thank you.

 

It's amazing how near strangers are willing to open up their minds and experiences and sometimes hearts to help another when they are down.

 

I am trying to keep a positive outlook. I keep thinking that my life is going to get better becasue it has too. Like there is some cosmic force that says, okay, enough is enough...let's let her have a break. I mean...my life has not been easy. It's been really trying. But, then I think of all those people who have it way worse then me. I even think of my own mother. My dad left her with 4 kids when I was 5. He never paid her a cent and left her for another woman. She then had to get a job and take care of us. He was an @sshole to her and treated her like sh*t. She never got over it. The cosmic gods didn't make her a new, shiney, good life afterwards. She didn't try hard enough to be happy or make a better life for herself and has struggled with hard times every since.

 

There's proof that 'you are as happy as you want to be' or whatever. I know I need to make my life a better one. I just get so lonely. Perhaps it isn't him I miss. Perhaps it's just companionship? Love? I don't know. I really believe I miss him, but others say it could be that I just miss having someone and being comfortable. It doesn't help that our best friends are getting married. We were planning our weddings together. Now they continue to plan and are close to getting married in June and we aren't even talking. Who knows...he's probably married to the OW by now.

 

I just hope that one day he realizes this was the biggest mistake. Leaving me like this. Leaving me at all. She will never love him like I did. He is an alcoholic and hard to live with due to this. He also has bipolar disorder. I was there through the worst of those times. I helped him through. Something he forgot about during our breakup. He was my best friend. It kills me that he could do this to me. Walk away, but I need to work towards seeing this as the best thing that could have happened to me. I need to change my thinking. Hopefully I will.

 

Sometimes I just get so frustrated. Then I am tired because I work two jobs and get mad that I am doing so because he left me with this debt and he is living the life...but I can't imagine that he doesn't get up everyday feeling awful. He has too. You would think. So...I don't have to live with that guilt...but he does. If he doesn't, he will. Someday. I sincerely believe that.

 

Gunny, thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking time to 'talk' me through this hurt. I don't have a lot of people in my life. So LS has really been a godsend. I mean, I have GREAT friends. But, I don't have parent's that I can turn to in these times. My dad hasn't spoken to me since I was 20 and my mom is just ruined from what he did to her and us. So, my support is lacking. It's just great to have a place to come...to help me through this.

 

Have a great day!

 

I am trying to keep my head up!!! Smile. Laugh. Let's see if I can make it through.