I don't know what to think of this or do about it.

[dani_girl33]

On Saturday, my boyfriend came over, pretty upset. Before he met me, he had slept with his ex-girlfriend and turns out the idiot didn't wrap it up. So, he went to Toronto to visit his mom and brother Just over Valentine's Day, and came back on the Sunday. When he came over on Saturday he said that his ex had told him she was pregnant and that she said it was his. (In my mind I'm like OMG **** ****!!!!!) He has been stressing out about it for the past 3 weeks, scared to tell me. But I'm glad he finally did.

So this morning, he calls me upset. And he just keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me. I'm like r u breaking up with me?? He's like no, I would never do that. He's like I really want to be part of my child's life blah blah blah.

I'm just so annoyed that he is stressing so much over this. He isn't ever 100% sure if the baby is his. It won't be born for another 7 months or so. I honestly think he should stop stressing.

But I don't really know what to say to help him out or make him feel better. I told him I would always be there for him no matter what. I would help him in any way that I can. I just hate that he is so stressed. He's also stressed because he just got a new place and he's moving and stuff. And arg! I don't know what to do. It's hard to see him often because he works and right now he lives off a ways..and its hard for us to get to each other. I don't have a car and he usually borrows his friend's.

What should I do? What advice can I give him?

I don't think he should be stressing out, because I won't ever leave him, and I will be there with him through it all. I dunno. Help. Advice for him and maybe myself.

[carhill]

So, you all have been going out a couple months or less?

 

That's a lot of commitment to someone you hardly know (life experience-wise). I'd take it slow (and be sure you're protected; don't count on him) and watch for signs that this is the kind of man you'd like to "have a baby" with. It'll all become evident over time.

 

For him, take care of his responsibilities to his child, once testing confirms his paternity. X's lie.

[dreamergrl]

I think he's probably just overwhelmed with the news. It's got to be a difficult spot for him to be in. He's going to have to deal with it, and process it in his own way. Keep being there for support. It's commendable that he wants to be in his child's life. Many men out there choose not to be - so I don't find it to be a blah blah blah.

If you truly support him, don't show your annoyance. Think about how he feels. If you were in a difficult situation, would you want him to be annoyed, or be supportive?

[carhill]

"The idiot didn't wrap it up" presumes lack of condom for sex? Sorry, old fart here

 

I'd echo forestalling annoyance for compassion, but with limits. Some guys thrive on sympathy and will abuse it; without balance of gentle acceptance of responsibility, it may set the tone for the new relationship. Walking the walk is what I would look for (not talk about). Time will tell

[dreamergrl]

"The idiot didn't wrap it up" presumes lack of condom for sex? Sorry, old fart here

 

I'd echo forestalling annoyance for compassion, but with limits. Some guys thrive on sympathy and will abuse it; without balance of gentle acceptance of responsibility, it may set the tone for the new relationship. Walking the walk is what I would look for (not talk about). Time will tell

 

LOL well not everyone does the "don't be silly wrap your willy" thing - and things happen. I doubt the thriving for sympathy tho - as a woman, if I just found out I was pregnant with my ex - I'd be freaking - especially being in a new relationship. While there are many understand men and women out there, some aren't, and some aren't willing to stick to a relationship that will include a child that does not belong to them.

[carhill]

It sounds like the OP is willing to stick by her man, and hopefully will be able to balance her concerns with compassion for his situation. That's the tricky part, the balance. She still has her own needs, which shouldn't be ignored. Great example of where communication is important

[dreamergrl]

It sounds like the OP is willing to stick by her man, and hopefully will be able to balance her concerns with compassion for his situation. That's the tricky part, the balance. She still has her own needs, which shouldn't be ignored. Great example of where communication is important

 

Well said

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Does it not bother you that they concieved this baby two months ago???

[shanny]

Do you really believe that the baby is his? Ex's will make stuff like that up to keep their man. Or worse, what if she got pregnant on purpose to try and keep him? You must be the most secure person in the world to not worry about these things! That's great that you are so secure with the relationship though. The only thing I worry about for you is the amount of time and commitment that he will be sharing with his ex.

 

As for his worries... It's totally understandable. Life is going great and BAM, this happens. All you can do is reassure him and tell him you'll be there. It's working for Tom Brady/Gisele and his baby mama... Good luck!

[dani_girl33]

I don't know if I believe that the baby is his. She doesn't live in the same province. So I don't even know her or anything. I just can't tell.

But the annoyance I had over it all was because he wouldn't call for a couple days and I would just get all upset and frustrated. I saw him yesterday, and he told me that he just doesn't want me involved, he doesn't want to drown me in all his issues. Although, he did tell me that his mother wants him to be with his ex if the baby is his. I'm like wtf. His mom thinks that the ex is the greatest gal, blah blah. His mom lives in the same province as the ex.

But he told me that since he has to choose bewteen being with me or keeping in contact with his mother, he would choose me. We'll see. His mom says if it is his baby, and he isn't with that girl, then she won't have anything to do with him. I think its such crap, how could a mother do that. But I don't know his mother yet, so I don't know. But she knows I am in the picture. And yet she still said that to her son. Ugh. I wish parents could just stay out of it.

So I am definitely more understand after that talk we had last night. He really does care about me. He said that even if he hasn't called, it doesn't mean he has stopped thinking about me. He is always thinking about me, alllll the time. So, I do feel better about things. I am praying that the baby isn't his. It would make life a lot easier. Not just on himself, but me as well. I would hate to see him stressing about his baby and them there is this ex who is just a pain in the ass (as he said).

So, I'm going to let him deal with his issues and what not without me gettin all upset if he doesn't call for a couple days. I trust him, and I can just chill. I guess.

Gosh, the doubts really never leave your mind do they?..sucks.

Strange thing tho...yesterday when him and I were talking and stuff, he was telling me that he's got couchs and what not for his new place. and then he's like you should come live with me. I'm like ugh, no, its only been a month and a couple of weeks!! Im like i have no money, can't really do that. Hes like its ok, u dont need money.

I thought that was just kinda crazy..for him to ask that. but oh well. I wouldn't consider moving in with him anytime soon. Maybe in a year or so. who knows. haha. uhh...