Just Started NC Today

[MimiMe]

Even though Mimi was just kidding, she does have a point. If you have asked MM for NC and he disrespects your request by continually emailing you or trying to talk to you, this is a form of harrassment. He should not use his employment as a means to try to continue a relationship when you feel that relationship is inappropriate and have told him as such. My xMM did the same thing and it really hindered my ability to concentrate at work. Finally the only thing that got him to leave me alone (for quite awhile at least) was replying to one of his emails with this:

 

"I have asked you not to contact me because this relationship is not good for me and I believe it is wrong for everyone involved. Yet you continue to ignore my request for no contact. If you send me anything else, I will have no choice but to forward it to the director of the firm and to your wife."

 

Ooooh you better believed that worked Heather. I think a big brick called Reality hit him on his living-in-fantasy-world head.

 

I don't know if I really could have reported him, because I care about him and really didn't want to cause him any trouble. Plus that would implicate me and cause me lots of drama at work. But he was causing his own trouble by continuing to contact me and acting like I never said not to. And I had definitely caused the potential for drama at work by getting involved with my mentor, and by that time I had come out of the fog to realize that my actions had consequences. So I probably would have if I had to... I was at my wit's end and didn't know what else to do. But luckily I never had to decide whether or not to actually do it. (I did go to the firm director and ask to change mentors and practice areas. xMM got really mad and said this looked suspicious etc. I didn't care at all because it was necessary to keep my sanity at work and I had to go above him to get the help I needed. He should have thought about how "suspicious" things would look before he decided to pursue me and tell me he loved me and he planned to be with me, yada yada yada.) Just the thought of other people finding out and the consequences was enough to get him to leave me alone. It also showed me his priorities: no matter how much he said he was divorcing and planning to be with me, when the s&it hit the fan, he wanted to protect his image and keep me a dirty little secret. It also showed me he knew we had been doing something wrong, no matter how much he had tried to convince me that it's okay because we love each other and it will all turn out great in the end blah blah blah.

 

Anyway, I recommend you tell him you mean no contact and enforce it by whatever means necessary. He does not have your best interest at heart if he is using your career as a means to keep getting to your emotions.

 

 

BTW, I was not kidding... LOL! I dont have a minor in Human Resources for nothing. Prior to getting to this side of banking, I worked in HR at another Fin. Firm. Bankers, Associates, Clients, Runner- in other words NOBODY got away with anything unless of course they were not reported. (at least at that firm)

 

You already let it be known that you dont want communication with him. Now this is turning into harassment. Thing is, that if you were in a co. that does have HR in place and you reported him, your affair will be exposed at least to management and both could be fired. Not ethical, but there is always politics in this and corps dont want to be on the 5pm run so they protect the money-maker and $$$hhh everyone! Too bad for Spitzer that he was in public office. LOL! If he was an exec, everyone involved would have been re$$$ponsible for their own action$$$.

[MimiMe]

I understand what you mean, my firm has no HR policy or real sexual harrassment policy either. But there's always a way. Go to the director of the firm if necessary. Go to a female attorney there. Or even if you don't think you could really do that, tell HIM that his actions are affecting your work environment and if he does not stop you will need to consult with _______________ (ANYONE else in the firm) about how to get him to stop. I guarantee you he will stop then, Heather.

 

 

Throw the dog a bone. Keep in mind that it can backfire though...

Remember, you DID have an A with him. It's not the same scenario as someone that is just harassing you and you have never batted your eyelashes to. Be careful baby girl!

[nadiaj2727]

Throw the dog a bone. Keep in mind that it can backfire though...

Remember, you DID have an A with him. It's not the same scenario as someone that is just harassing you and you have never batted your eyelashes to. Be careful baby girl!

 

I know, I was prepared to take whatever consequences came my way for my actions. (And I still am, if it comes out). But at that point *I* no longer wanted to be in the affair and I had told him so, but he was harrassing me by trying to keep me in the affair. At that point I was no longer a willing participant. So I think that if I had to I would have gone to the director and said "I did something very wrong and stupid. I decided to end it and I want out. He is not letting me out, he is harassing me and making it almost impossible to work here. If he doesn't stop, I will have to leave."

 

He always told me that if the firm found out he would be the one in trouble, because he is my mentor and 20 years older than me and is not supposed to date people who work for him (whether he's married or not). I do think they would look at him at the predator although I definitely own my part in it. I honestly don't think they would have fired either of us because like at Heather's firm affairs and employee relationships are rampant here... the director himself left his wife for a much younger new associate LOL.

 

But I think they would have told him to leave me alone if he wanted to continue working here. In a way that's what ended up happening... I'm sure everyone else had some idea what was going on... and my firm director was only too happy to transfer me to a new mentor and a new department when I asked him to do so. He was incredibly supportive and told me to tell him if I need anything. He even told xMM to stop giving me cases and to find someone else (a new associate who looks like Fiona from Shrek ha ha -- no worries there) to work on his cases. He told me he supports me 100% in "moving into a new line of work" aka no longer working with xMM. It was a wink wink nudge nudge sort of arrangement which I was fine with as long as they supported me in being free of xMM. So I think that's what would have happened had I come clean because they already guessed. xMM just didn't want me to confirm their suspicions or make a big fuss out of it (and I'm sure they didn't either LOL).

 

I learned a big lesson out of this of course. (sigh)

Edited March 14, 2008 by nadiaj2727

[MimiMe]

I know, I was prepared to take whatever consequences came my way for my actions. (And I still am, if it comes out). But at that point *I* no longer wanted to be in the affair and I had told him so, but he was harrassing me by trying to keep me in the affair. At that point I was no longer a willing participant. So I think that if I had to I would have gone to the director and said "I did something very wrong and stupid. I decided to end it and I want out. He is not letting me out, he is harassing me and making it almost impossible to work here. If he doesn't stop, I will have to leave."

 

He always told me that if the firm found out he would be the one in trouble, because he is my mentor and 20 years older than me and is not supposed to date people who work for him (whether he's married or not). I do think they would look at him at the predator although I definitely own my part in it. I honestly don't think they would have fired either of us because like at Heather's firm affairs and employee relationships are rampant here... the director himself left his wife for a much younger new associate LOL.

 

But I think they would have told him to leave me alone if he wanted to continue working here. In a way that's what ended up happening... I'm sure everyone else had some idea what was going on... and my firm director was only too happy to transfer me to a new mentor and a new department when I asked him to do so. He was incredibly supportive and told me to tell him if I need anything. He even told xMM to stop giving me cases and to find someone else (a new associate who looks like Fiona from Shrek ha ha -- no worries there) to work on his cases. He told me he supports me 100% in "moving into a new line of work" aka no longer working with xMM. It was a wink wink nudge nudge sort of arrangement which I was fine with as long as they supported me in being free of xMM. So I think that's what would have happened had I come clean because they already guessed. xMM just didn't want me to confirm their suspicions or make a big fuss out of it (and I'm sure they didn't either LOL).

 

I learned a big lesson out of this of course. (sigh)

 

G*d watches over those with a good heart! Believe that! He doesn't like ugly. We all make mistakes but there are some that enjoy it.

[HeatherK08]

I know, I was prepared to take whatever consequences came my way for my actions. (And I still am, if it comes out). But at that point *I* no longer wanted to be in the affair and I had told him so, but he was harrassing me by trying to keep me in the affair. At that point I was no longer a willing participant. So I think that if I had to I would have gone to the director and said "I did something very wrong and stupid. I decided to end it and I want out. He is not letting me out, he is harassing me and making it almost impossible to work here. If he doesn't stop, I will have to leave."

 

He always told me that if the firm found out he would be the one in trouble, because he is my mentor and 20 years older than me and is not supposed to date people who work for him (whether he's married or not). I do think they would look at him at the predator although I definitely own my part in it. I honestly don't think they would have fired either of us because like at Heather's firm affairs and employee relationships are rampant here... the director himself left his wife for a much younger new associate LOL.

 

But I think they would have told him to leave me alone if he wanted to continue working here. In a way that's what ended up happening... I'm sure everyone else had some idea what was going on... and my firm director was only too happy to transfer me to a new mentor and a new department when I asked him to do so. He was incredibly supportive and told me to tell him if I need anything. He even told xMM to stop giving me cases and to find someone else (a new associate who looks like Fiona from Shrek ha ha -- no worries there) to work on his cases. He told me he supports me 100% in "moving into a new line of work" aka no longer working with xMM. It was a wink wink nudge nudge sort of arrangement which I was fine with as long as they supported me in being free of xMM. So I think that's what would have happened had I come clean because they already guessed. xMM just didn't want me to confirm their suspicions or make a big fuss out of it (and I'm sure they didn't either LOL).

 

I learned a big lesson out of this of course. (sigh)

 

LOL Fiona, ouch! I'm glad it happened like that for you and I think if I went to my boss, she'd help me out too. It's just he's one of major rainmaker$ here and I'm pretty sure they'd cut me loose pretty quick if it came down to it.