4 kids and wife who wants to leave

[pjsbrd]

Me and my wife have been married for almost 8 years. We got married very young. She had 2 kids when I met her nad we had 2 more after marriage.

In the begining it was great I was in love and still am to this day. My wife was molested multiple times by people she knew. So as she grew as an adult she has had some issues. I will admit issues that I didn't know how to deal with (cuttings and suicide attemps) I was raised in a very nice home so it is hard for me to even understand the pain that she has gone through.

After four years of marriage and her always accusing me of cheating she came home and found nail polish on the floor of the bedroom. I explained it must have been one of the kids. Shse did not belive me. Kicked me out and I said Ok. She told me to take our wedding rings off. I couldn't belive it I was devastated. I sought comfort and attention from someone else. It was a very wierd time we were trying to be friend but both still so attached.

A couple years went by and I caught her having a internet affair with some guy in Iraq.(soldier) That quickly came to an end. Then a year latter she joined a self help sight just like this one and got connected with another guy. I caught her be copying her keystrokes. \

So now in december she found an old friend on myspace and statrted chatting no stop. I put the keystroke tracer on the comp again and caught her typing and sending naked pictures of her self to him. She went and met him after a vacation that she had planned. She says that she is done and I think that it can still work. After all this pain there has to be a even ground to land on. She tells me that she can't trust me because I lied to her a bout the keystroke thing and she doesn't expect m to trust her.

Am I wrong for putting that on the computer?

 

My main problem is that she has been diagnosed with boderline personality disorder. Which is a tuff disease to deal with on the other side. If I divorce her she will have to go on welfare and raise our four kids by herself when she can barly maintain her life as a stay at home mom with me working full time.

I also think that I am sticking with her through sickness and health....Should I just let her go?

 

I don't want to lose my family but she is so depressed from the let down of her fling that it is making her so sad. She says that she has gotten over her mental illness. Please help.....What should I do

[Nomad1]

It is clear that she is not interested in you, I am sorry to say. She has done this repeatedly and is likely to continue doing it irrespective of who she is with, once the excitement of the newness of the relationship wears off. It is surprising that she wants to split up despite having 4 kids! It will be tough for her to raise them on her own.

 

All I can say is good luck with everything. Don't let her walk all over you!

 

Take care

 

Nomad1

[whichwayisup]

She needs help badly. Counselling and fast! Get her to therapy and get her on meds. If she has to go to a mental institute for a while, do so. All that will do is help her in the long run.

 

Her illness is a completely separate thing from your wife. She does love you, she is just isn't capable right now as the beast has taken over.

 

Do alot of reading up on BP, depression and be involved in her treatment (talk to Dr's, being informed etc.) If you don't want to give up on her, don't. Noone has the right to tell you to leave. BUT - If her behaviour is affecting your children, then you need to remove her from the house and get her help. Having her at home, and having espisodes will only do damage to your children.

[noforgiveness]

aren't two of thise children YOURS? Divorcing you wife does not mean divorcing your children. Why would she have to go on welfare? You are not going to care for your kids?