I know I can change

[missingher]

my fiance and I moved in together 1 year after meeting in college.

She and I were both going for our masters degree in architecture.

Fell completely in love with each other and spent every minute we could together since.

 

Its been about 4 years now and weve been engaged for about 2 years. She is a very emotional girl. For about the past 2 years of our relationship we would fight alot mostly about my jealousy and insecurity issues and ive scared her alot by yelling but never hitting her. The last year has been the roughest because weve both graduated college and have been very stressed out because of job searching and moving alot due to money problems.

 

We've also had alot of communication problems due to our money issues, mainly I not talking to her. Weve been living with my parents now for about 2 months since neither of us can find a good paying job. Times have been really tough. I knew that she wasnt ready to get married because of her actions as of lately, and when I asked her if she wasnt ready she said no she wasnt. I was completely torn.

 

I asked her for our engagement ring back and told her that if she couldnt cope with our problems she must not love me. This isn't the first time I have asked her for my engagement ring back, but every time before, she would take it back after a long apology. This time she didn't and has since moved out and is now living with her sister about 6 hours away.

 

Ive rented a new apartment and even asked her to move back in with me, while citing all my faults. She has told me that she still loves me but she is not in love with me anymore and it wont work out. She says she wants to move in with me but knows that its not a wise decision. She says that only time will tell her if we have a chance.

 

I have been sending her flowers and emails constantly asking her for another chance and promising to change and to never ask for her engagement ring back again. She says that I have asked too many times for the ring back and she doesnt think I will change and quit treating her poorly, like I have just of lately due to our financial and living situation. She says that I cannot blame my faults on our situation. She says that she would still be wearing her ring if I hadn't asked for it back.

 

Could it be possible that our entire future together depends on the fact that I asked for my ring back out of anger, but didnt really mean it? What is she thinking? Does she just want to give me time to think about it or does she really want to end it?

 

We've been broke up for about 2 weeks now and she doesn't even want to talk to me. Can she ever start to remember the good times? What do I do now?

[Bubbles]

Hey guy,

 

I feel sorry for your situation, I really do. But it sounds as though you are out of control with your actions. You are using that engagement ring as a weapon and that's not right. If you have an issue with your g/f - fiance you should talk it out with her. Clamming up and not speaking to her will signal to her that you don't give a d**n and in turn neither should she. When you both finally do argue to eachother it sounds as though you retreat and demand the ring back! Am I right?

 

There is not much you can do at this point except to sit back and reflect on what has just transpired and carry on, on your own. Leave her alone! If you do ever get to speak to her again, you should do all the listening and none of the talking. If you really want her or any other woman in your life you must remember what your downfalls are and DO NOT ever impose them on anyone else ever again.

 

Walk away from this learning.

 

Good Luck,

 

Bubbles

[maskee28]

No one on this board will be able to tell you what she is thinking or whether she really wants to end it, we can only guess. Personally, I think she probably does.

 

I think she is tired of dealing with your temper tantrums: the yelling, the jealousy, the insecurity, and your attempts to manipulate her by repeatedly asking for the engagement ring back whenever you're upset. And SHE'S an emotional person?

 

I agree with Bubbles, I think the best thing you can do now is back off. Stop sending gifts and emails constantly. If this relationship has any hope, she's going to have to come to you. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting.