ladylou Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 (edited) My boyfriend and i have been together for over 10 years. He is a total flirt and always has been, which over the years has gotten him into trouble. He knows that it bothers me, but doesn't see the need to stop this behavior. Recently, we were at a party and were all very drunk when I noticed the girl sitting next to him touching his leg! I, of course, stood up and asked her what she was playing at! He denied it happened, but later went behind my back and sent her a message on a networking website which she ignored. He doesn't see how much this upset me! He says comments to girl work collegues, joking around he says! I feel recently that our sex life has taken a back seat and he would rather look at porn when I go to bed! Is he a cheat, a flirt, or is it all for his ego? Thanks for any help. Edited March 3, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Spelling and Grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladylou Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 a couple of years ago i found emails from him to another girl which totally broke my heart. he tried to play it all down saying it was all just a laugh. later i found out that the girl had a thing for him. i did forgive him and tried to move on but now i feel like i cant trust him anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 He could be any of those things, but he doesn't seem to have much respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladylou Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 you are right somewhere along the line he has lost respect for me. i feel over the years i have been weak and not stood up for myself but am now trying to change this. i just wanted an easy life with no arguments! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Is this just various and sundry women or is there a specific agenda? Did his association with any of these women pre-date your relationship? If the latter, it's likely a life-long behavior characteristic and you'll have to decide if you want to accept it, deal with it (confront it, like in JC) or leave. At least you're not married with all those legal entanglements. Be careful though if you live together in a common-law state. IMO, the best way to tell is to examine your relationship. If it seems fine and he still flirts, he's compartmentalized and this will always be an issue. If there's tension, he might be responding by following the path of least resistance to another woman who doesn't present the issues that you all are dealing with. Lastly, there are some guys who never grow up and always need an ego boost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladylou Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 thanks for the advice. i think that as ive got older i have became less able to deal with his behaviour. years ago when i was younger more confident and outgoing i would just laugh it off but now i feel differently. i dont know whether i can carry on with these feelings anymore Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 lady, He's a dog. Ditch him. Another girl was touching him in an inappropriate way, he allowed it to happen, then he denied it, yet tried to conact her on the net. And people who are big flirts don't have a great track record of being faithful or trustworthy. Dump him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 thanks for the advice. i think that as ive got older i have became less able to deal with his behaviour. years ago when i was younger more confident and outgoing i would just laugh it off but now i feel differently. i dont know whether i can carry on with these feelings anymore Was it confidence that allowed you to "just laugh it off" when you were younger, or lack of it? Or was it just that you didn't understand that maybe some of his behaviors were disrespectful to you? I laughed off a few things also when I was younger. I just lacked a certain amount of confidence and was too naive to understand that I was being disrespected. I'm just wondering if possibly, you might have been going through the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladylou Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Was it confidence that allowed you to "just laugh it off" when you were younger, or lack of it? Or was it just that you didn't understand that maybe some of his behaviors were disrespectful to you? I laughed off a few things also when I was younger. I just lacked a certain amount of confidence and was too naive to understand that I was being disrespected. I'm just wondering if possibly, you might have been going through the same thing. your right i was probably to young and naive to realise that he was disrespecting me. never thought of it like that! i know deep down that he will never change. if i decide to end this relationship it wont be easy we have a daughter together! i dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Why are you still with him? He's non-commiting, disrespectful and not trust worthy. You need to get rid of him and find someone whom respects you. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 your right i was probably to young and naive to realise that he was disrespecting me. never thought of it like that! i know deep down that he will never change. if i decide to end this relationship it wont be easy we have a daughter together! i dont know what to do I know how hard it is to be in your situation and have a child. You want to stay for the child, and yet you know that your relationship now is harmful to you and the child. I came so close to divorce that I started looking up divorce lawyers. The idea of divorcing and what my children would go through broke my heart. Staying in the relationship the way it was, was breaking my heart and starting to affect the kids. I was lucky that my husband wanted to make the marriage work and was willing to make changes (I also made changes) for this. We went through MC, and while we have our shaky moments, were getting better. It can work, but your bf has to be on board 100%. I would tell your boyfriend that you can't stay with him as long as he continues to disrespect you. Offer to work with him on it and go to couples counseling. If he brushes you off, work on a plan and leave with your daughter. Living with someone who treats you like this isn't worth it and teaches your child some horrible lessons on how to treat people in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 thanks for the advice. i think that as ive got older i have became less able to deal with his behaviour. years ago when i was younger more confident and outgoing i would just laugh it off but now i feel differently. i dont know whether i can carry on with these feelings anymore You should not have to carry on feeling this way..he is not respectful to you at all based on the behavior you have described. I would not waste anymore time on him.. you deserve much better. Just my Opinion. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 You should not have to carry on feeling this way..he is not respectful to you at all based on the behavior you have described. I would not waste anymore time on him.. you deserve much better. Just my Opinion. AP:) I agree! Which makes 6/7 who say the guy is disrespectful and that LadyLou should not put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
trans Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 (edited) for once .. just leave apart the question .. if hes a flirt .. cheat or very egoistic .. one things for sure .. he surely doesnt respect u much .. and that .. i must say .. is a really bad thing considering the fact that uve been together fr the past 10 YEARS !! .. yes , if he flirts a bit and a few comments here and there .. thats like the normal nature of a guy man .. but he should know his limits .. which he seems to be unaware of .. and now .. its 7/8 saying he is disrespectful .. and u shouldnt put up with it at all .. Edited March 5, 2008 by trans (had to add something) Link to post Share on other sites
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