am i having a midlife crisis at 23?!

[nickilovespookie]

I am feeling so lost lately.

 

I'm 23 years old. I've always been a very settled down person, I never enjoyed going out much because what's the point, drunk, hungover, it's not a good thing all around. Well, lately I've been craving going out. I used to be the type that likes to sit home, grab a movie, etc and now I really enjoy going out. It's with my best friend that I go out with. We go out dancing or whatever, really we could just sit at home and I would still like spending my time with her.

 

Alcoholism runs in my family and my Mom used to go out a lot. She had me when she was 17 so as soon as I was old enough to watch my sister she had my babysitting. She eventually wore herself out, went out one night (after an drinking class), drove home and fell asleep at the wheel. She died that night. I was 14 years old. I just don't want to be a reckless person like that. She went from bf to bf to bf and now after 3 years of being with mine, we broke up a month ago. We're seriously trying (and will) work it out but it's tough because I cheated. He knows and we're going to go to counseling soon so we're working that out.

 

I have always managed my liquor very well; it's NOT the liquor that I like when we go out, I genuinely have a good time even if I don't drink. My cheating incident didn't occur because I was drunk or anything. It occurred because I let some ******* get to me. I usually don't. I see right through guys but this one got to me. I really liked him. I wish I could stop talking to him all together but something inside just says do it. Ugh. driving me crazy. He's a womanizer.

 

The problem with all of this is, I'm not the same person I was a short time ago. I'm changing and I don't know if it's for the better or not and if I'm going to like the person I'm becoming. The other problem is, my bf of 3 years says he can't love me if I change. He fell in love with the person I was, not the person I'm becoming. He's not saying that I shouldn't change but says I should be whatever I want to be. So if I don't want to be the person I'm becoming, that I don't have to be. I can totally understand what he's saying but I also know that change in inevitable. He really just wants to protect me because he knows if I "go out" that there are other womanizers and he doesn't want another one to get to me. He's a great guy, everything I want in a husband. I've always been really excited to get married and start having kids and lately it feels like someone pushed me back.

 

I'm just a little scared because I don't want to become reckless but I'm not doing anything wrong and I am enjoying myself. I don't want to stop spending time with my best friend but I also don't want to loose my bf. A little part of me feels like it could be a little late. Like it's only a matter of time.

 

Thoughts?

[blind_otter]

People change a lot between the ages of 18-26, I think. Sounds pretty normal to me, to be honest. You experiment, try different things, different ways of being, different lovers - trying to find out who you are.

 

Also an interesting fact: the human brain is still developing in your early 20s. The last part of the brain to develop is the frontal lobe which governs rational thought and decision making. Go easy on yourself. Your brain is still developing.

[nickilovespookie]

LoL. You made me feel a little better.

 

The only problem is, my bf is 29 so he knows what he wants, me. I feel terrible for putting him through this. PLUS, he is the man of my dreams so I'm afraid of losing him because I'm a crazy person.

[daisygirl]

LoL. You made me feel a little better.

 

The only problem is, my bf is 29 so he knows what he wants, me. I feel terrible for putting him through this. PLUS, he is the man of my dreams so I'm afraid of losing him because I'm a crazy person.

 

((hugs)) you're not crazy!! I agree with the PP, you're still young and learning about your wants/needs/desires. I was 22 when I got married, and now I am 27, and feel like a different person, and I don't feel compatible with my husband AT ALL anymore. Now I am hurting him and myself because of my changes. What's my point? I guess just to enjoy everything while you can, and don't make any huge decisions like I did...lol. It sounds like you are being smart and not reckless, so I think you are totally normal in what you're feeling. Good luck to you!