My Husband Had An Affair With An Older Women.

[manos]

In May 2007 I Discovered My Husband Had Been Having An Affair He Then Packed His Bags In Front Of My 5 Year Old Little Girl And Left Saying She Was Everything Im Not, My Life Has Been Hell For The Past 10 Months He Has Refused To Come Home Even Though He Said The Affair Was Over In January Of This Year. They Used To Call Eachother 20 Times A Day And He Has Become Angry And Rather Moody . He Is Completely Different To The Man I Once New. He Says He Thinks Of Me As His Child And Doesnt See Me As A Women, His 52 And I M 39, He Says He Cant Imagine Ever Sleeping With Me Again. I Have Done The Wrong Thing All These Months By Begging With Him To Come Back And I Know He Will Never Come Back If I Do That But I Really Missed Him And My Little Girl Is Not The Same Child Anymore. He Sees Us Everyday Because Of My Daughter But He Doesnt Know How Difficult It Has Been For Us To Wake Up And Go To Sleep Alone . I Dont Know What To Do And I Cant Understand Why He Hasnt Filed For Divorce If He Not Coming Back Home. I Try Not To Call Him And Then In A Moment Of Weakness I Phone And He Just So Arrogant And Cold To Me Like The Last 10 Years Have Meant Nothing. Our Marriage Was A Difficult One Because We Both Worked Long Hours And Nights Too, We Never Had A Balance And Mano Is The Type Of Man Who Just Moves Through People And Has No Staying Power Im His 3rd Wife But He Only Had A Child With Me . I Have Tried In Vain To Tell Him That His Family Should Be His First Prize But All He Can Say Is That He Doesnt See Me As A Women . I Guess I Cant Make Someone Be Attracted To Me Physically If They Arent. I Honestly Dont Know What To Do Anymore I Feel Like My Life Is Over He Was My Centre And I Know We Both Worked Hard But I Thought He Was Committed To Me And Our Marriage. He Couldnt Even Watch A Movie If Infidelity Was The Topic And Now He Has Become An Adulterer With A 43 Year Old Divorcee With No Kids And He Thinks Shes Everything Im Not . She Is A Real Number She Made Him Read All These Funny Weird Books About The Soul And Being Selfish He Started Doing Yoga With Her And Before I Knew It She Was Bedding My Husband, He Got Away With It Because He Works Nights So It Was Easy To Deceive Me For So Long. I Wish I Could Forgive Him But I Have So Much Anger Inside Me And Im Trying To Be A Parent To My Little 6 Year Old Girl And There Are Days When I Cant Go On. Everyone Says It Will Get Better But I Dont Want A Divorce And Family Is All I Know, He Comes From Divorced Parents And His Mother Left His Dad For Another Man So I Guess He Used To That Sort Of Thing. Can Any Of You Please Advise Me How To Get Him To Come Back And To Start Seeing Me As A Desirable Sexy Women, Is It Possible To Turn That Switch On Again In A Man Or Is It Off For Forever. Im Not Overweight In Fact I Look Better Now Than I Ever Did And I Just Dont Know How To Save My Marriage I Really Dont Want A Divorce, I Love My Husband I Understand We Had Intamacy Issues Because We Never Found The Time For It But I Really Want A Second Chance .

[carhill]

Oh, my eyes!

 

My first inclination would be to get thee to a divorce lawyer and get issues of separation and custody of your daughter figured out.

 

If he wants to be with someone else, he will be. You have no control over that. You can only control how you react to it.

 

What do you want? Don't include "him" anywhere in your answer.

[SimpleyMe]

It does not seem like he wants to be with you right now,don't let it be his choice,he knows he can go back home whenever he wants

 

Which is why he's still out having his fun.

 

My advice to is don't wait for him,go out with some friends or family members go on with your life.

 

Do not make him the center of your world.

[Lizzie60]

I say file for divorce.. never mind him.. he already has moved on.. so now you need to take care of yourself and your little girl.

 

You cannot make someone loves you... there is nothing you can do.. really, except get your life together and move on...

 

good luck!

[Nomad1]

You deserve better! File for a divorce. You will find someone who will appreciate you for who you are. It is just not him. Accept that he is gone forever. Stop torturing yourself.

 

Nomad1

[Kasan]

Manos--

 

Start making your plan for getting out. Your first priority is to your child--get a lawyer and make sure that financially you get what you need.

 

In some cases, just the fact that you are getting your life together and moving on without him might snap him out of his "fog", and it could be that if/when this happens, you won't be interested in reconciling.

 

Getting your life together isn't for his benefit, but for you and your daughter's future.

 

One more thing--it's not your fault that your husband cheated, no matter what he says. Adults realize that they have problems and most try to work them out. Children have their cake and eat it too, so who is the child here?

 

Stay strong, and take care of yourself and your daughter.

[RecordProducer]

The rule is: in order for him to chase after you, you need to run.

 

Find a lover, look great, engage in new hobbies, travel, be always in a good mood, go on picnics, be nice to him in the manner "I am so happy with my life, I love the whole world, including you."

 

Act as if you don't give a rat's ass about him, but be civil and polite. When he calls, be short and end the conversation first. Keep it strictly about your child, finances, and the like - nothing about the two of you.

 

After a few months, tell him that you met the love of your life and are very grateful to him for leaving you. If you live in a small town, tell him that your lover is in another city (and you'll be moving there soon).

 

When he sees you happy (in the meanwhile he will get disappointed in the other woman), he will regret his actions. If and when he expresses a desire to reconcile, say NO! For a few months.

 

I don't endorse lies, but you asked for a strategy that might work. Begging and crying certainly won't work. If this doesn't yield any results, he isn't worth it. My grandmother used to say "If you opened the door to leave and he didn't stop you - keep going."