cutting

[soconfused01]

Not sure where to put this.

 

I'd never cut before, never understood it. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and a few weeks ago I was REALLY drunk and upset over it and cut myself with a razor. nothing deep, scratches. Felt really ashamed the next day. I never tried to kill myself but was just trying to release the emotional pain I was feeling. I promised myself I'd never do it again and honestly thought I wouldnt have done it if I hadn't been drunk.

A few days ago during a huge fight with my boyfriend, I did it again, this time with a kitchen knife. Wide, not so much deep. Will scar. I was sober. Now I can't believe myself when I say it won't happen again. I know I need to talk to someone but I've had friends be locked up by their counselors and I REALLY can't do that. I know it will make things ten times worse to go there. I know what it's like there. If I tell my counselor I know she has the legal right to turn me in. What do I do??

[carhill]

Right place.

 

"Self-injury" is the terminology I believe applies here.

 

Do you have a trusted friend or family member who will listen but not judge you?

 

Are you or have you been depressed? Are you taking any medications or using any drugs of any sort? Since you drink, how many times a week is that? Prior to the episode where you cut while drunk, when was the last time you were drunk.

 

I'm sure there's a backstory, so will read. This is my first impression.

[blind_otter]

I seriously doubt your counselor will lock you up. They will only do that if you pose a serious threat to yourself or to those around you. If your counselor DOES think you need inpatient treatment, chances are you really DO and you should listen to them.

 

I also self-injured in 2006. I was putting cigarettes out on myself. I still have the scars. I was motivated by that issue to seek therapy and a good psychiatrist, and I was treated. It's no longer an issue for me.

 

Self-injury can be a sign of deeper psychological issues that MUST be treated by a licensced mental health professional. No one on a message board can treat you. You must take the steps to get help, without fear of repurcussions.

[carhill]

Reporting statutes vary by jurisdiction. In our area, it's known as a code 5150 (danger to self or others). I had to learn about this when dealing with my demented mother while she was still living independently prior to movement to a locked facility. Procedures for LEO's and medical personnel (including psychologists/psychiatrists) are very specific. The team which diagnosed her had to report her condition to the state government, as such affected her ability to qualify for a driver's license, as one example.

 

I agree that the OP should seek treatment from a professional, but apparently is afaid of consequences. This is where a trusted person might be helpful, both in a support role as well as to ascertain the appropriate avenues to treatment without the fears which the OP expresses.

 

You have my empathy. It's not easy. If we provide comfort, stay connected. I believe it will help.

[blind_otter]

Reporting statutes vary by jurisdiction. In our area, it's known as a code 5150 (danger to self or others). I had to learn about this when dealing with my demented mother while she was still living independently prior to movement to a locked facility. Procedures for LEO's and medical personnel (including psychologists/psychiatrists) are very specific. The team which diagnosed her had to report her condition to the state government, as such affected her ability to qualify for a driver's license, as one example.

 

I agree that the OP should seek treatment from a professional, but apparently is afaid of consequences. This is where a trusted person might be helpful, both in a support role as well as to ascertain the appropriate avenues to treatment without the fears which the OP expresses.

 

You have my empathy. It's not easy. If we provide comfort, stay connected. I believe it will help.

 

Off Topic (since you have no pm's) - carhill can I ask you some questions re: a demented woman I know who is not being treated properly and how to get her help? I'll start a new thread with your screenname in the title....

 

On Topic: Cutting and self-injury can and often are a major indicator of more serious psychological issues, including personality disorders. It is critical that you get proper treatment for this issue.

[carhill]

No worries. Happy to help. I operate a forum which deals specifically with such issues (dementia).

 

I found the process of getting someone to accept help is the sticky wicket, and had to be very patient. Hence, I'm very sensitive to someone's concerns and fears and cannot merely power through them. Each of us has a different psyche and deal with issues differently. That's the shortcoming of a chat board. We don't 'know' the OP IRL and have to infer or speculate, most generally through the eyes of our experience.

 

IMO, the important thing is keeping the person engaged. Hopefully, they'll find their way.

[soconfused01]

I don't usually drink much and I've stopped since the first time I cut. I'm depressed now for sure because of the way this relationship is going. When I'm only have the mindset to cut when in the intensity of a huge fight. Afterwards, the pain feels like real pain, and during it feels like something to take my mind off of the problem. I know I need to tell my counselor but I'm a semester away from graduating and if she decides to make me get inpatient, it will seriosuly mess up my academic career, which is already faltering.

I know that its my relationship that's doing this. I've promised myself that 'three stikes' and if it happens again I'll walk away from it forever.

 

edit: hopefully. walking away is probly what I'm having trouble doing already.

[blind_otter]

TBH you shouldn't need three strikes. You already know how horrible it is. It can't magically get better...