Reading too much into it?

[Loli241]

Not sure if this is the right place, but as it has affected how I feel about myself and my struggle to be respected, I thought it might fit.

 

Some time ago, I was working at a place where I was being sexually harassed, right from the start! Two married men BOTH went overboard in hitting on me, and I was constantly made to feel like they thought I was a slut. It really was dragging me down and making me feel bad about myself.

 

I was really not sure how to handle the situation, so I let it go. But then one of the men who is married started to really come out and directly hit on me, being very blunt about the fact that he wanted to have an affair if I could keep quiet about it! He even went so far as to insinuate that he was going to come into my place late at night!!!

 

That really frightened me, and as I was scared I really felt I should say something. I approached one of the managers in private and explained that I was afraid. My manager, however, really acted like this was so shocking. She really kept insisting that it did not sound like this man, and went into a long talk about how great his character is and what a wonderful father he is and how she really thought it was all just a joke and that I had nothing to be afraid of.

 

So I kept quiet because I was afraid if I pushed the matter I would be retaliated against. Finally one day the same manager actually saw an instance of the same man sexually harassing me. She took him aside and gave him a long talk, explaining that what he was doing was upsetting me and that he needed to stop and that it was not funny. She said he was very apologetic and would not do it again.

 

The next day he was back to it! I was so upset. About a week or so later I just could not take it anymore. The manager above was on vacation, so I only had the head manager to talk to. I told her everything about how this man was treating me and all that he had said and done. I was very clear that I was not trying to get someone into trouble, but I really wanted it to stop and did not know how to handle it.

 

The main manger had a long talk with him and came back to me saying that she really felt it was all just a mistake - he thought it was just all a joke and that I was ok with it. She said he swore he loved his wife and would never do anything, and she really believed this. However, she instructed the man not to talk to me anymore.

 

Well, he was dumbfounded and when the other manager returned he was talking to her about it all the time. She told me he was really unable to understand that I didn't see it was just a joke and that he had not realized it was upsetting me, etc. She was apologetic to me for his actions.

 

Well, I moved out of town, and the same manager said she wanted to keep in touch with me. A while passed and I emailed her, but she never replied. I was a bit confused, as she had really made such a fuss over me before I left.

 

Months went by and I needed some things sent to me from there, and in all of my communications with the people (three different people, including one of the married men who had also hit on me but not so obnoxiously) I felt as though I was being brushed aside. There was no hint of friendliness. Never a how are you, good to hear from you. I noticed all my emails were friendly and all of theirs were very formal, as if they did not even know me! In fact, in some instances I was ignored and had to bug them to get a reply. There were replies that came back that were just plain rude in their shortness, and other people agreed it was not just me who thought so. This was a very different attitude from the great goodbye I got where everyone was sad to see me leave, wanted so much to keep in touch, said what a great person I was, etc.

 

It really upsets me because I feel as though after I left, I was sort of an open target for the man I reported. Without me there to defend myself, I am sure he could say anything he wanted to turn it all into him being innocent and me being the bad person. Who knows? Maybe he denied some of the things I had said he had said. I loathe having to contact them for anything I have needed, as I am just treated so shortly and coldly and it makes me feel as though they cannot stand me but feel they have to at least be cordial. I feel like they just do not want to be nice to me and want me to feel, in one way or another, that they no longer like me.

 

I at least thought if I reported it (as my friends and family were encouraging me to) that it would stop and I would be respected. But while it stopped, now it seems they hate me. And it is especially frustrating as I have since learned that by law, when I first went to my manager she should have done something about it then and there!

 

Am I reading too much into their actions, or does it really seem that they have turned against me and dislike me for reporting him? Why?

Edited February 28, 2008 by Loli241

[Trimmer]

Just curious: did you post this situation a few months ago under the screen name "BornToFly?"

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132038/

 

So you are now out of town, and not working for them any more? I fully support your right to have sought a resolution to the situation while you were there, but now once you have left and are pointed on your way to the future, why worry about whether they "like you" or not, in your absence? You have every right to call them to task (and possibly even persue legal action, although you may be a little to far past the situation to implement that...) for their actions and procedures, but you will have no control whatever over what jerks you left behind may think of you.

 

What further contact do you need to have with this company? You've got your last paycheck by now, what is left?

[carhill]

It really upsets me because I feel as though after I left, I was sort of an open target for the man I reported. Without me there to defend myself, I am sure he could say anything he wanted to turn it all into him being innocent and me being the bad person. Who knows?

 

Indeed, who does know. Speculation will kill the cat. You sound fairly young, and, if the other thread referenced above was started by you under another screen name, it appears to be an issue you can't let go of.

 

Sexual harassment sucks. Some men (and women) are pigs. That's just the way it is. If your case has merit, sue the pants off them.

 

In my opinion, your psyche will be far better served by focusing your attention on those people who admire you and treat you well rather than wasting it on all this negative stuff. Look around...yes, that's right, those "boring" people who are nice to you. That's your world. Lucky you