how can i not be jealous about my girlfriends past partners?

[AAlike]

It has nothing to do with my current relationship, although there was a period of intense insecurity on my part previously. We are a second time around couple, that may be important, but probably not.

 

It is not that I don't care or that I am complacent, it is much, much deeper than that. It is what I am. how I percieve myself. I no longer need to feel jealousy.

 

A little background may help....

 

I am a product of the east end of London, the Docks. The son of an immigrant family. Prejudice against us and our TYPE ran high. I am used to being challenged, and meeting that challenge head on, with whatever I needed to meet it with. I am an ex boxer and martial artist. I have always felt the need to defend myself. Against everyone and anything.

 

I will always remember my Dad's words.......

 

"Don't let anyone walk on you, ever"

 

I transposed what he meant to my modern life, it didn't mean the same thing any more..... I realise that now.

 

I have no need or desire to defend myself in that 'jealous' way anymore. Jealousy is the most self destructive form of self defense I have ever known.

 

OK this is very interesting - but I would think that this would be an entirely good thing, would it not? It seems like you have extremely mixed emotions about this. Why is that?

 

And as far as it relates to OP, you think that his getting over his problem is going to be related solely to a change in HIM like it was for you?