Feeling very overwhelmed

[tomorrow]

I'm feeling very overwhelmed lately. I was laid off from my IT job 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents and my gf, my mom suffers from major depression and other mental problems related to childhood abuse. My gf and I, our relationship has gone down hill over the last year, primarly because she has massive mood swings and each time, I disstance myself futher from her. We've talked about it many times, and she admits that when she has these moodswings she just is as mean as possible to try and hurt me, looking for a reaction, and attention. I guess you could say it's a snowball effect because I just keep pushing myself further from her, I've almost become desentisized to them. Being in my house, is being in a toxic enviroment.

 

In the last week, I have been applying to the Army and it turns out my application may go through. Great right, well my mind is in a swirl. It's a 4 year contract with a 99% chance I'll get a free plane ticket to the desert. My gf has already stated she is unwilling to wait for me, wants me to hold off on joining for a year because if I left, she doesn't drive, doesn't have a job now, and says I would basically be leaving her stranded. I guess right now, I don't even know what I want...

 

I have a non insistant relationship with my sister who is bi-bolar and who moved over to europe last year (we both have dual citezenship with Belgium + Canada) I can't talk to her or my parents about anything as we all have non-exsistant relationships with eachother.

 

Now, the Army, it's a tech job which is my career field but sitting down and actually thinking about things the last 2 days... I dunno...

I'm feel like I'm standing at a major intersection in my life and have to make some hard serious decisions right now.

 

I love Europe, and it's always been a part dream of mine to live and work over there aswell, and yeh, if I wasn't with my gf, I probably would run away from everyone and everything here.

I love to draw and would love to take drawing classes here, or lessons and then go to europe and travel, see family.

 

I have so many things gooing through my head lately I feel like I sometimes want to curl up in a ball and vanish from sight.

 

I don't know what to do, I know that I can't stay with my mom much more as her depression and needyness is going to kill me, my gf's moodswings are getting out of hand, and the decisions I soon have to make are turning my mind inside out.

 

any advice help welcome, thanks in advance. cheers.

[Loli241]

Hi. I am really sorry about your situation. It sounds awful!

 

I grew up in a really toxic environment myself, have dated toxic people, etc. I know how it can have such an affect on who you are!

 

You need to do what I did - get out!

 

You need to leave. Leave your family, leave your girlfriend, just go. I know how hard that can seem. The people around you are toxic and you are immersed in it, and leaving them is going to take a LOT of willpower and strength. Believe me, I did it, and it took a LONG time and a LOT of courage.

 

But you have to do it.

 

I do not know if Europe is the right answer. Just find something, get your own place, and go. And be careful who you associate with. They are people out there who are really good people, who will treat you right and respect you, but you need to decide that that is what you want and what you deserve! And then you need to stick with it and keep toxic people out of your life. Make up your mind to only be around people who really care about other people and treat them with respect and kindness or no one at all. And watch for the red flags - run when you see them!

 

Your not alone - lots of people have had to deal with negative families, friends, girlfriends, etc. Just make sure you deal with it in a way that is healthy and good for you. Get some books on positive thinking (do a search on amazon.com for positive thinking) - being around negative people really makes you need a good dose of positivity.

 

Take care of yourself. You deserve better!

Edited February 29, 2008 by Loli241

[willh88]

hi mate from the sounds of things u are an absolute hero for even surviving up till now. its impossible to actually put across the complete reality of ur situation in one post, but it sounds as if everyone relies on you basically. if u love and care for these people then it will be really hard to just walk away, so maybe explaining to them how you feel might make them realise that its not fair for them to burden you like this, and they may begin to try and take more control of their own lives for themselves?

 

chin up mate- sounds like u have been doin a great job so far, so just keep tryin and doin what u think is best under the circumstances and thers nothing more you can ask of yourself. hope u start to feel better soon.