Confusion

[K]

Okay. I am having some major problems with my relationship lately and most of them are my fault. My boyfriend is also my ex-fiance and we are in the process of trying to work things out in our relationship. I broke off the engagement in September after having been away 1 month and meeting a couple of other guys that I thought I liked. Well, my trip lasted another 2 1/2 months in which we still kept in touch but things between us deteriorated. I have been back since December now and we have tried to work things out. We have come close to breaking up almost 5 times. The continuing problem is that while I was away I got into more of a party lifestyle then either of us were in before. I am continuing this lifestyle while he is the way he has always been. He has been extremely understanding and allowed me to have the freedom to do my own things at the expense of spending time with him. I don't think this has made him as happy as he was before but it is better than nothing in his eyes. Now, I have started to like a guy that I work with. I love my boyfriend. He is the best person I have ever met and the best boyfriend I have ever had. I ask myself what I am looking for in another guy and I don't have any answers. Why do I continue to consider other guys and even lie about my current relationship to keep the door open with them? I know I love my boyfriend but I don't understand why I am doing these things? He used to be the center of my world and everything was great. Now, I am very lost and confused and need some advice.

[Shirley]

Okay. I am having some major problems with my relationship lately and most of them are my fault. My boyfriend is also my ex-fiance and we are in the process of trying to work things out in our relationship. I broke off the engagement in September after having been away 1 month and meeting a couple of other guys that I thought I liked. Well, my trip lasted another 2 1/2 months in which we still kept in touch but things between us deteriorated. I have been back since December now and we have tried to work things out. We have come close to breaking up almost 5 times. The continuing problem is that while I was away I got into more of a party lifestyle then either of us were in before. I am continuing this lifestyle while he is the way he has always been. He has been extremely understanding and allowed me to have the freedom to do my own things at the expense of spending time with him. I don't think this has made him as happy as he was before but it is better than nothing in his eyes. Now, I have started to like a guy that I work with. I love my boyfriend. He is the best person I have ever met and the best boyfriend I have ever had. I ask myself what I am looking for in another guy and I don't have any answers. Why do I continue to consider other guys and even lie about my current relationship to keep the door open with them? I know I love my boyfriend but I don't understand why I am doing these things? He used to be the center of my world and everything was great. Now, I am very lost and confused and need some advice.

Hi!

 

You don't have the same feelings for him as he has for you. It's not that he's "allowing" you to do what you want, he just loves you and wants you to be happy. Love has more to do with feelings. You can't find love by looking for it. You can acquire many friendships that way, but love is a much deeper feeling. It is something that will take your breath away. You feel sort of guilty that you don't feel the same way he does, but you can't love someone out of guilt.