I've ended it

[Nevermind]

And what do you understand about him?

[HisLove]

Nevermind, I'm not sure what you're getting at.

[TMichaels]

Lordy, TMichaels, send me strength before I strangle him.

 

Things go along well, and then it seems he gets this THING in his head and sabotages it. It's like he's jealous or something. We can be chatting online and then he says he's tired and going to bed - I say I'll probably do that too - kisses, hugs, whatever. I lie on the couch for half an hour and then decide I'm not going to bed so I sign back in. Then I'm being sneaky, omg. Yeah so sneaky that I sign in where he can see me. Mind you, he's not showing as online.......it's like he's lying in wait.

 

And it was innocent. Why would I stand in the spotlight of being online if I was being sneaky lmao. He has his dummy spit and normally I spit right back. This time I didn't though, let him cool down for a week. Which he has magically stretched out to 2 weeks.....that magical doubling of time he's famous for.

 

Aye carumba.

 

 

Geez, HisLove! What's he want you to do, take a lie detector test?

 

Frankly, it would bother me a bit that he's lurking invisibly after he's told you he's retiring for the night. If he's that paranoid about someone cheating on him again, I suppose anonymous lurking makes some sense in a warped sort of way. However, there's also a chance he is being "sociable" and doesn't want you to find out. What's puzzling is why he's fessing up to seeing you on-line when he could just keep his mouth shut and you'd be none the wiser.

 

If it were me, I think I'd just let things ride. Eventually, curiosity has to get the better of him and when it does and he contacts you, I'd tell him that he hurt your feelings by judging you by how others in the past have treated him.

 

Perhaps that will be the jolt he needs to realize that *you're not* like all the rest or at the very least, you're not going to be treated so cavalierly.

 

BTW, did plans ever work out for the two of you to get together? I'm guessing no, as you didn't post about it -- but just curious what happened none-the-less.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HisLove]

Yes, TM, the fact that he's fessed up shows in a weird way that HE'S not up to anything sneaky personally lol - or he'd be quiet about it.

 

I did let it ride, no point in trying to get through when he's in block mode. I've learned that much.

 

No we haven't gotten together yet, it wasn't a certainty, but keep your fingers crossed please. My world is just better when he's in it, apart from the bumps in the road he does make my heart sing.

 

He's difficult to read sometimes - gets ornery over the strangest things (like me coming back online when he was the one signing off) and then I can lead the way emotionally and he's very accepting of that, which is at odds with his very traditional standpoint on relationships. ?

 

I get the feeling sometimes that he wants to step back from the take-charge-head-of-the-family-responsible to make the decisions-guy, and be ... appreciated. Adored isn't the right word. You know sometimes I'll say something sweet and he'll blush lol . It's kinda at odds with this former Italian Marine.

 

I just wish we were together.

[TMichaels]

Hmmm...

 

Perhaps "admired" might be more appropriate? (And, I don't mean that in an egotistical way, but moreso in an "appreciative recognition sense.")

 

I wonder if in some way his behavior is tied in his mind to a "Code of Honor" of sorts? -- i.e. he knows how he *should* act, but sometimes struggles within the confines of being a (fill in the blank) a good father/son/provider/caretaker/etc) and is a cream-puff when he lets down his guard on occasion...

 

Sorry to hear that your visit didn't work out. I agree with you if you two could just get some "face time" issues would become more clear.

 

Crossing my fingers for you it will happen...

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HisLove]

Yes I think admired is it. I could only get as close as appreciated, but admired is better. Code of honor really hits home too – he’s just so honorable and straight down the line with most things, just seems to get uncertain in leading the way with me. I’d like to think it’s because he must be really smitten lol.

 

I often get the feeling that he is thrown offguard when I don’t just put up and shut up when he has stepped out of line, yet still love him and forgive him anyway. It’s like he can’t push this woman around (me) and when he knows he’s overdone it, is puzzled that I still love him. It must be tough to live under such tough personal constraints. You can imagine that pointing out flaws to an Italian man doesn’t go down well (their ego’s are larger than life as I’m learning) and it’s the first time in his life where anyone has been brave enough to point out the flaws (yay brave old me when I’m in a bad temper) and accept him anyway.

 

He just seems so simple and complex at the same time. I think for the first time in his life, I’m the thing that has destabilized him as he can’t put me into a neat little box.

 

Gee this stuff is really making me think hard lol. I could do better on being more appreciative. I feel it but have difficulty in telling him.

 

edited to add - yesterday I did go out on a limb - for me it was going out on a limb emotionally - to share something special about how I felt about him in a text. Remember we hadn't spoken for a week and he was all prickly when we did make contact. He didn't respond to the text. He did come online later and didn't mention it then either. But early this morning before I was even awake properly he was texting me good morning. Why can't this just be easy. It's not that his text(s) were romantic or anything (in fact it said good morning, didn't you get any sleep? (I stayed online until after midnight after he had signed off, so he's watching me a bit it seems - I don't care - I'd go offline if I didn't want to be seen)).......but I must be on his mind when he's stopping his work to text me as I'm waking up. Arrrgghhhhhh

 

Can somebody explain to me in english what he is doing?

[TMichaels]

Code of honor really hits home too – he’s just so honorable and straight down the line with most things, just seems to get uncertain in leading the way with me. I’d like to think it’s because he must be really smitten lol.

 

Could be!

 

I often get the feeling that he is thrown offguard when I don’t just put up and shut up when he has stepped out of line, yet still love him and forgive him anyway. It’s like he can’t push this woman around (me) and when he knows he’s overdone it, is puzzled that I still love him. It must be tough to live under such tough personal constraints. You can imagine that pointing out flaws to an Italian man doesn’t go down well (their ego’s are larger than life as I’m learning) and it’s the first time in his life where anyone has been brave enough to point out the flaws (yay brave old me when I’m in a bad temper) and accept him anyway.

 

He may also have been told "in a past life" that he is unyielding, stubborn, rational and unfeeling -- and he may well be, on the outside, but he knows down deep he's nothing but a S'More...

 

He just seems so simple and complex at the same time. I think for the first time in his life, I’m the thing that has destabilized him as he can’t put me into a neat little box.

 

Possibly. Between being Italian and having a military background, in the past he's probably attracted women who are more submissive and wanted to be taken care of instead of being "taken on."

 

Gee this stuff is really making me think hard lol. I could do better on being more appreciative. I feel it but have difficulty in telling him.

 

I'm sure this would be easier if you could see/hear/witness his behavior/reasons in person. Always more effective to "judge" that way, I think...

 

edited to add - yesterday I did go out on a limb - for me it was going out on a limb emotionally - to share something special about how I felt about him in a text. Remember we hadn't spoken for a week and he was all prickly when we did make contact. He didn't respond to the text. He did come online later and didn't mention it then either. But early this morning before I was even awake properly he was texting me good morning. Why can't this just be easy. It's not that his text(s) were romantic or anything (in fact it said good morning, didn't you get any sleep? (I stayed online until after midnight after he had signed off, so he's watching me a bit it seems - I don't care - I'd go offline if I didn't want to be seen)).......but I must be on his mind when he's stopping his work to text me as I'm waking up. Arrrgghhhhhh

 

Can somebody explain to me in english what he is doing?

 

Not 100% sure, HisLove, but from what you describe I get a mental picture of two kids kicking sand at each other on the playground.

 

Maybe one of you needs to stub his/her toe?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HisLove]

I just don't get these slowly, slowly games. Life is too short already. Can't we just love each other madly and get on with it.

 

So again we were online last night, he says he has to go to bed (he does get up at 4.30am)...but he got booted off before we said good nite properly. I stayed online for about another 45 mins before going to bed. Within 5 mins of me signing out.......he sends me a good nite and sweet dreams text with a x.

 

He does make me feel girly & soft & all those feminine things......but you know in my life at the moment I'm the breadwinner with an important job, mortgage payer and single mother to daughters who all think they have life figured out! I've put my life back together after an emotionally abusive marriage that nearly destroyed me. It was my strength that got me out. The further away I get from it (it's 2.5 years now), the more softer and innocent parts come back.

 

There's only a few men who have made me feel the way R does. He even said that the first time he ever laid eyes on me, something happened to him inside that he never even felt with his first wife. When I think of my future, he's in it.

 

Why can't we just get this show on the road.