Made a bad choice in D wife for OW..i want to go back home

[John Who]

I have been divorced for almost 2 yrs im 33 yrs old.

 

I was having a affair with a OW for 7months,wife and i were having problem we both were not giving the marriage 100%.

 

I cheated she did not,but has always pushed me away from her.

 

I met the ow she was always flirting with me i was flattered we had great conversation.

 

I ended up cheating,during the affair i started to become more distant towards wife.

 

I thought i was falling in love with the ow she was all i could think about i loved being around her,we talked about moving in together.

 

I told wife oneday thati think we should see other people,we should split up because i no longer love her and i have been having a affair.

[John Who]

ok so im new here and i accidentally sent my post out bare with me.

 

So fast forward everything from the day after i told my wife everything i started to have doubt ,but the ow was always putting things in my head like she loves me everything will be ok.

 

My point is it's been 2 yrs since the divorce and im unhappy miserable im still in love with my wife

 

My wife and i talk to each other everyday im always callin her i make any excuse to go see her and our child.

 

My gf gets so angry she wants me to cut all contact with my wife she tells me stop calling her your wife you are not married to her anymore.

 

I want so bad to get back with my wife she is who i really truely love,im not in love with the other woman i never have been it was infatuation.

 

I want to leave her and i want my wife back im so depressed,i dont know how to bring it up.

 

I cant even explain how much i miss my wife i email her all the time i call her all the time right after work i go to her place .

 

This mat sound childesh but i am a gamer so is my wife we both play online together every night.

 

Do you think i have a chance in getting back with my wife i need advice from someone who has been through this same situation.

 

.Please help

[Leia]

What you're trying to say is that the grass isn't greener on the other side is it?? Men. Didn't you know that you shouldn't leave your W for another woman but leave her cos your marriage isn't working?? I doubt your ex-wife wants you back. It's over and done with.

[TechDude]

Made a bad choice in D wife for OW..i want to go back home

 

OK, so far, your post has all been about you. Why you thought the grass was greener elsewhere, how you discovered it wasn't, how you want to go home.

 

Let's think about your ex for a bit instead of you.

 

Why should she take you back? Have a think about that for a while, then you might be ready to start moving forward.

[John Who]

we get along so well,this was something i never realized even when we were togther.

 

I started to regret everything with the ow right after itold my wife,but my pride wouldnt allow me to say i made a mistake.

 

I feel like i was forced you know pushed out to be with other woman.

 

We see each other for lunch weekly,she has never told me she would take me back,and i never told her i wanted to go back with her.

 

I do tell her how sorry i am for having a affair on her and how much i regret it.

 

My ow does not know how often i see my wife,if she did she would be furious regaurdless of everything i will leave ow i dont have feelings for her plus shes just in the way of me spending more time with my wife she wants me to cut contact with my wife.

 

I was thinking of telling her within the next few days,i just feel bad for her also because i mislead her and she has wasted her time on me.

 

I want to tell my wife if she will give me another chance

[John Who]

I have told my wife over and over how sorry i am,how i was the dumbest man on earth to cheat on her.

 

I am very much involved with my child i give my wife and my child whatever they want.

 

I am always trying to make up for what i did i hate that part of me that cheated.

 

It hurts me that i hurt my wife by cheating on her.

 

If i could earase what i did i would i wish i could turn back time and have never cheated on my wife.

 

Why couldnt i just not cheated,i should have tried to work things out with my wife first instead of cheating.

[Gunny376]

The person you need to spend some time with? Is yourself!

 

Not the OW ~ Not the XW!

 

YOURSELF!

 

You need some "cave~time" ~ some "fire-gazing" time to figure what to put in? What to leave out! What you need? What you need is some starring into the fire burning 55 gallon drum ~ some spitting whiskey into the fire time ~ alone with just an old faithful dog time back up in the hollow time! Some alone time!

 

No wife!

 

No OW

 

Just you!

Edited March 2, 2008 by Gunny376

[TechDude]

ok so im new here and i accidentally sent my post out bare with me.

 

OK, my initial response was to the first half of your story.

 

Do you think i have a chance in getting back with my wife

How does you ex-wife feel about you?

 

You seem to have plenty of contact with her. Surely you can ask? Does she have another man in her life yet? Ask her out for coffee. Start at the beginning - dating.

 

However, if you don't love your OW, then it is time to be honest there and break up. It is a risk. You could end up without either of them, but your ex won't take you seriously until you leave the OW.

 

I do tell her how sorry i am for having a affair on her and how much i regret it.

Must be difficult to believe when the affair is still going.

 

The only way forward is to be completely honest with your ex. AND, to show that with your actions. The fact that you have not left the OW yet suggests that you are still most concerned about #1 - yourself.

 

In the end, your ex may not take you back. Who can blame her. Either way, leaving the OW still seems the right thing to do - time to be honest with her too.

 

If you end up with no one, well, that is the bed you made. You will have a chance to reflect on you life and the choices you have made. Hopefully, you will learn something from all this (I don't think you have yet).

[John Who]

I thought about that,the ow is so jealous she wont allow.

 

I am not confussed about how i feel about my wife i know i love her that love was always there i just thought it was gone but it never was.

 

My wife has been in my life since i was 13 yrs old,and she will be in my life for the rest of my life,i get pissed of with my ow when she tells me to cut ties with her we get into huge arguments about this.

 

My wife and i have a bound for life this is a bond that no ow or om can break or come between.

[TechDude]

I have told my wife over and over how sorry i am,how i was the dumbest man on earth to cheat on her.

 

If you have told her this so much, what is her response?

 

I am always trying to make up for what i did i hate that part of me that cheated.

 

It wasn't a "part of you" it was YOU. You can't make up for it, no amount of giving will fix it. That is just guilt.

 

I still don't get that all this time YOU ARE STILL WITH THE OW!?!?!?!?!

 

It hurts me that i hurt my wife by cheating on her.

 

I'm still not convinced that you are more concerned about the hurt you caused your ex rather than the pain you are feeling.

 

If i could earase what i did i would i wish i could turn back time

 

Yeah, don't we all.

 

I should have tried to work things out with my wife first instead of cheating.

 

Yes you should have. One lesson learnt. Whether you get to practice what you learnt with your ex or someone else in the future remains to be seen.

 

Leave the OW. Accept that your ex IS your EX. You currently have nothing. When you can accept that, maybe you are ready to try starting a NEW relationship with your ex. But, it will take work, hard work. She will not be easily convinced that you have changed (have you changed?). It will take her a long time to start trusting you again.

[John Who]

I have been off and on with ow.

 

I dont care if ow goes i would rather her not be here anyway.

 

You know something ow and i really don't have much of a relationship she says its because i wont let my wife go.

 

I feel bad also for ow because i dont love her and i feel like i atleast owe her something i am going to tell her the truth,but ithink she pretty much knows already.

 

My wife has dated twice since we split at the moment she is not seeing anyone.

[TechDude]

i get pissed of with my ow when she tells me to cut ties with her we get into huge arguments about this.

 

The OW quite reasonably expects you to commit to her. I don't blame her for the way she feels. Time to be honest, time to choose. You "can't have your cake and eat it too".

 

You have to make a choice. You have to choose what is "right" and not what feels good to you. You have no guarantees about the outcome. Here is where you find out if you can put love for others ahead of yourself.

[John Who]

well when i tell my wife how sorry i am,she says she know's im sorry.

 

Evertime i tell her that i regret everything and how i took her for granted she gets teary eyed and she turns away from me.

 

Can this mean she still have feelings for me.

 

Its been 2 yrs since i held her,since i touched her since i kissed her.

 

Even if my wife doesnt take me back i will not continue this relationship with the ow.

 

I have told my wife that i want to end my relationship with the ow,my wife tells me that is something i should talk about with ow and not her.

 

It's strange but my wife always tells me well maybe you two just need to work on your relationship just try and hang in there.

 

i just get confussed she cries when i apologize she gives me these looks like she has feelings for me,but then she tells me to work things out with ow and hang in there.

[Arch]

lol, If a girl ever did to me what you did to your wife I would laugh in her face, Some things can't be undone.

 

Stop putting yourself first.

[John Who]

We are all different, some people can forgive you when you make a huge mistake in my case it was a horribly huge mistake,if you really are sorry then what is there to laugh about.

[Arch]

We are all different, some people can forgive you when you make a huge mistake in my case it was a horribly huge mistake,if you really are sorry then what is there to laugh about.

 

Dude, why the hell would your ex-wife want to know about your relationship with your current GF, that you cheated on her with?

 

To you its all about MEMEMEMEME, you offload your problems onto other people and blame them when you aren't happy.

[TechDude]

Its been 2 yrs since i held her,since i touched her since i kissed her.

And it may be some time yet, if ever.

I have told my wife that i want to end my relationship with the ow,my wife tells me that is something i should talk about with ow and not her.

The problem here is you are saying will. Your ex is perfectly correct about you talking to the OW about that.

It's strange but my wife always tells me well maybe you two just need to work on your relationship just try and hang in there.

Not strange at all. Your ex (you'll have to stop calling her your wife - she isn't) can see the same patterns emerging. Things get tough, you walk out.

i just get confussed she cries when i apologize she gives me these looks like she has feelings for me,

Perhaps she does still have feelings for you. Perhaps she can just see you doing the same thing again, just that now the ex and the OW have swapped placed.

but then she tells me to work things out with ow and hang in there.

Because, in the end she wants to see a change, some action, some decisions on your part.

 

You have to make a decision because it is the right thing to do even if it means you risk ending up with no one. Your ex is looking for this level of maturity from you. Time to grow up and be a man.

 

While you are looking for an indication that your ex will take you back before you leave the OW, you are still acting like a child.

 

What you ex is trying to tell you is that what you do with the OW is between you and the OW. Your ex does not want to be involved. She wants to see you taking responsibility for your own actions. She does not want a forlorn puppy who is feeling sorry for himself.

 

Stop looking for indications that your ex will take you back. Start making decisions, stop feeling sorry for yourself, grow up.

 

If you do break up with the OW, DO NOT go running back to the ex and telling her. If anything, cut back the time with the ex to give her space. You need to learn to stand on your own 2 feet. If your ex has any feelings for you, she will respect this and appreciate this.

[Lyssa]

To you its all about MEMEMEMEME, you offload your problems onto other people and blame them when you aren't happy.

 

Yes, it's all about you.

 

Do your OW and xW a favour - stop contacting them both and work on yourself first!

[Lyssa]

I thought about that,the ow is so jealous she wont allow.

 

I am not confussed about how i feel about my wife i know i love her that love was always there i just thought it was gone but it never was.

 

My wife has been in my life since i was 13 yrs old,and she will be in my life for the rest of my life,i get pissed of with my ow when she tells me to cut ties with her we get into huge arguments about this.

 

My wife and i have a bound for life this is a bond that no ow or om can break or come between.

 

Didn't you even try to make it work with your W before you got divorced? Didn't you try MC? I think you acted at the spur of the moment. You didn't give it a good thought, did you?

 

Didn't you know from the beginning that OW is a jealous person? I mean after all, you were married when you met her and I'm sure she knew about your M - wasn't she jealous then?

[SeraBella]

I have been off and on with ow.

 

I dont care if ow goes i would rather her not be here anyway.

 

Then WHY are you there? Are you incapable of being alone?

 

You need to end things with the gf you have now before even considering trying to convince your ex wife to take you back.

 

You just appear to be bouncing back and forth. If I was your ex wife I'd see no reason to want to take you back because you may feel sorry for it, but you're doing nothing to change it. You haven't even left the woman you say you're not in love with.

[sally4sara]

This mat sound childesh but i am a gamer so is my wife we both play online together every night.

 

.Please help

 

 

Before you left, is this how you and you wife interacted for most of the evening or did you both just go off into your own online gaming solo and barely interact?

[Curmudgeon]

I thought about that,the ow is so jealous she wont allow.

 

I am not confussed about how i feel about my wife i know i love her that love was always there i just thought it was gone but it never was.

 

My wife has been in my life since i was 13 yrs old,and she will be in my life for the rest of my life,i get pissed of with my ow when she tells me to cut ties with her we get into huge arguments about this.

 

My wife and i have a bound for life this is a bond that no ow or om can break or come between.

 

The OW won't allow...? I guess that must mean she's in charge of you and your life and you have no say in it.

 

I hate to be the one to tell you this but you DID break the ties to your ex and destroy the bond between the two of you when you went outside your marriage and then divorced to be with the OW. The OW DID come between you and your ex, and countinues to.

 

Instead of crying in your beer about what coulda, shoulda, woulda been if you'd done things differently, stop focusing in yourself and look at things through your ex's eyes.

 

She'd known you for many years. She loved you and did so enough to marry you. She trusted you to abide by your vows and counted on you to love her full measure in return. She had a child with you and thought you'd be the perfect father.

 

Look how it/you turned out. Now look at where you are -- still living with and being influenced by the OW you left your ex for. Why would she commit to anything with you?

[John Who]

Yeah we would play together online even brfore she threw me out.

 

We still did things together it;s just the communication was not there anymore she always looked depressed.

 

I guess because i started to become distant towards her,see there is alot to the story im leaving out.

 

Im not trying to put all blame on my wife but she stopped telling me she loved me yrs ago she wouldnt show me affection anymore.

 

She pushed me away from her she wasnt giving the M 100%.

 

I cheated it was my choice but a huge part of me cheating was because i felt neglected i was looking for the affection and the ow gave it to me.

 

My wife threw me out when i told her of the A.

 

No mc or anything she just let me go i didnt want to go i kept trying to come back but she refussed. she did tell me that she loves me but she doesnt have to be with me.

 

Its strange but we get along so good now everything is perfect when we are togther we laugh,joke,have long talks this is how we were the first few yrs of our M.

[OWoman]

I'm not surprised your GF is mad at you if you're still thinking of her as your OW, and your x as your W. I'd be very surprised if your x wasn't mad at you for the same reasons - maybe she is? You are seriously stuck in the past and seemingly incapable of realising that things have changed, and it's YOU and your choices that changed them.

 

If you leave your GF and go back to your x, when things stop working are you going to go back to the same GF / OW or a different one next time? Perhaps you need to think about that upfront so that you can warn your GF that you might be back, talking to her about how things are not working out with your GF/x/W so that it's not so much of a surprise for her when that happens. Though, given that she's seen this pattern in action, I doubt it will be.

 

Your x has been in your life since you were 13? That explains a lot. You're acting like a 13 year old, refusing to take responsibility and refusing to see anything but your own perspective.

 

I'm going to echo Gunny and all the others. Sort yourself out, or you'll never be able to have a relationship with any kind of woman.

[Curmudgeon]

My wife threw me out when i told her of the A.

 

No mc or anything she just let me go i didnt want to go i kept trying to come back but she refussed. she did tell me that she loves me but she doesnt have to be with me.

 

Its strange but we get along so good now everything is perfect when we are togther we laugh,joke,have long talks this is how we were the first few yrs of our M.

 

If my wife told me she was having or had an afdfair I'd throw her out too and there would be no marriage counseling or reconciliation. Infidelity is an instant and permanent deal-breaker where I'm concerned.

 

Perhaps the two of you get along because she doesn't feel under any pressure. It's easy to be pleasant when you know the other isn't going to be following you into your home and you'll simply be be going on about your business without having to give them a second thought.

 

Remaining friends is great for your child and yourselves. But it doesn't mean it will ever become anything more. Perhaps you're better friends than sppuses.