fightingforlove Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 About 2 months ago my husband was on a business trip. According to him a group of people were out drinking and he and another woman started flirting. At the end of the night she asked him to come to her room for a "last drink". He accepted knowing full well what this meant. He made it to her room and realized what he was about to do and gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. He told me about this on his own. We have been struggling for about a year and have recently started counseling but he kept saying he was perfectly happy in our marriage. He did not seem happy to me. I was afraid this would happen. I had even told a friend that if we continued down the road we were on that I was afraid he would have an affair. Should I believe him when he tells me this is all that happened. He says that it made him realize what he has been throwing away for the last year. He never showed much motivation to fix our relationship before and he seems very ready now. Should I just be happy that this incident woke him up to what I have been trying to tell him over the last year? There is a part of me that is afraid it went much farther and he is afraid to admit it. Thanks for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
laptop2009 Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 If you have to bet $100,000.00 on it, what do you think happened? Just a kiss on the cheek or much more? There, you have your answer. You can't build a solid relationship and marriage if there is a wall. There is a wall if he is holding back the truth from you. There is a wall, if you think something happened and he is not telling you (regardless whether someting happened or not). Either way, there will be a fall that's preventing you from completely honest and intimate with each other. Solution: Ask him to get a polygraph test and get this over with and move on, whatever "moving on" means and will be. Link to post Share on other sites
smartgirl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 There have been some MM on this site that have come close or had some kind of physical contact with another woman that snapped them out of a prolonged period of fantasizing about an affair or of being down on their wife. It may have gotten physical. I would say the important part is that it scared him enough to want to tell you (which he didn't have to do) and to get serious about working on the marriage. Encourage him to be honest with you about how he has been feeling for the past year. I think his one night stand or near miss, whichever, was his wake up call that his attention wasn't where it should have been and that he wasn't in control of himself as much as he thought. He may have decided that telling you would be the best insurance to keep him from going any further. This was a way of reaching out to you as his lifeline. It is time for some honest talk about what each of you feels has been missing and what you can do to rebuild. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Letranger Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I don't think anything happened. If he DID do something, I would think he would be totally quiet about it. Because he KNOWS if he opens that door, you are going to be sniffing for clues, etc. He was tempted though. Thats for sure. So you both should figure out if there is a reason why. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 There have been some MM on this site that have come close or had some kind of physical contact with another woman that snapped them out of a prolonged period of fantasizing about an affair or of being down on their wife. It may have gotten physical. I would say the important part is that it scared him enough to want to tell you (which he didn't have to do) and to get serious about working on the marriage. Encourage him to be honest with you about how he has been feeling for the past year. I think his one night stand or near miss, whichever, was his wake up call that his attention wasn't where it should have been and that he wasn't in control of himself as much as he thought. He may have decided that telling you would be the best insurance to keep him from going any further. This was a way of reaching out to you as his lifeline. It is time for some honest talk about what each of you feels has been missing and what you can do to rebuild. Good luck. I totally agree! Regardless of what happened, your H is back home with YOU, talking to YOU, telling you he wants to work on the M. I would take that as a very positive sign. His behavior is a clear indicator of what's really important to him. Run with it! Link to post Share on other sites
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