ME Posted July 4, 2003 Share Posted July 4, 2003 Recenetly, my g/f and I have been having problems. She says that although I give her most of what hse needs, she feels like our relationship is missing some things. She told me that she like romance, which kind of confused me, because i feel that at times I can be very romantic. She went away for the summer, and on her second day away, I had flowers delivered to her, with a note that i thought was kind of mushy. She wakes up in the morning, and a lot of times there is breakfast waiting for her. Not at the table, she get breakfast in bed all the time. I don't know, maybe i am wrong on this whole romance thing, I am just really afraid to lose this girl, and If I am not being romantic, can someone please help me to be. And if I am, any advice on how to become more romantic would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 4, 2003 Share Posted July 4, 2003 Part of being romantic is not overdoing it....making it a matter of surprise. Some things, like opening car and building doors, should be consistent. Whispering sweet things in her ear should be done, but less often. Flowers and breakfast in bed should be more rare...maybe once a month or so if you're so inclined. And you should also get some of that back. If the romance is one-sided, that is...if YOU are doing all the sweet things, then the romance is lacking on her part and will no matter what you do. You cannot inspire romantic feelings in someone who is not inclined to feel them, no matter what you do. Sweets in the ear and breakfast in bed would be pretty meaningless in that case. On the other hand, to someone who loves you dearly, your mere presence would be enough. If you really have a friendship with this gal, have a talk with her and get her to pinpoint for you exactly what is missing. But don't be a wimp. It's extremely possible you are being one of those "nice guys" and being way too nice and sweet to her. Women like nice guys but they don't want it all the time...the want a MAN who will be assertive and announce his needs as well. Some of this stuff she may be very reluctant to tell you so you may need to explore things for yourself. Go to http://www.google.com and put "nice guys" (without the quotes) in the search field and you may get some good pointers at the better sites. Go to the one's that reading something like "Nice guys finish last" and "Nice guys sleep alone" etc....those are the ones that you may need to read. Someone who is consistently nice and romantic will be a total bore and sickening to a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ME Posted July 4, 2003 Author Share Posted July 4, 2003 Well Right now she is almost 400 miles away working for the summer, so imagine how much harder this is for me. Right now I am contemplating driving down there for the weekend to surprise her, and to have a talk. I'm not sure how she will react to this, as i am not sure if i would be crossing a line. She has told me that where she is she feels like a completely different person, and to be honest, it's not exactly the same girl i feel in love with. I know i need to find out what;s going on, but would i be going to far by doing this??? I am really not sure, I love this girl, and i know this will be very romantic(what she said she was lacking), i just need some help making this deecision. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 4, 2003 Share Posted July 4, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Right now I am contemplating driving down there for the weekend to surprise her, and to have a talk." That's exactly the kind of stuff you shouldn't do. Women want a MAN, not somebody who is going to kiss her butt. You've got to strike a good balance. Don't act like you're all that bothered. You really need some help in being romantic. Perhaps you should talk to a counsellor or an intelligent friend who is up on this. You are sucking up to this gal way too much. If she doesn't hear from you for a while, it will drive her nuts. You just don't understand.......... Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 4, 2003 Share Posted July 4, 2003 Tony, seriously, I see from people especially you about not contcting them and whatever, does it really work??????? Isn't there a good chance the girl will feel blown off? I'm not disagreeing, i'm just hesitant to try it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 4, 2003 Share Posted July 4, 2003 You just don't get it...you just don't get it....you just don't get it....you just don't get it. I'm NOT suggesting you not contact her but don't do it real soon, don't contact her often and don't kiss her butt. Romancing somebody is a fine art and until you get polished with lots of experience and research, you're just going to have to make mistakes. If you just act like a sane human being and not go bonkers when a female doesn't like you, you will have won half the battle. Be yourself, don't be too nice, and go about life like there's a lot more to it than some female who isn't particularly interested in you. This is not rocket science. Start doing some thinking on your own and resist the temptation to be a lovesick wimp. Link to post Share on other sites
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