Wife is bipolar now she wants divorce

[giarc565]

married 20 yrs last month on valintines day she seems ok some days other days and more often than not she says iv never loved her for her and all iv done is control her and now she says she dont love me and it always changes i dont know what to expect she seems to beleve the mean thing s she says even if i show proof that its not true she wont alow me to see her dr. and she is on zyperxa and has moved out she acuses me of things she does and some days she can have dinner out with me then for no reason she suddenly cant be around me she says people dont want me around and im not welcome she has told me shes afraid of me etc, etc isthis comon for bi-polar patients to do these things she was diagnosed in 4 visits of 30 mins by counsler and has to go to a dr. for meds as cousler cant write prescriptions I love her very much and this constant changes in her are tearing me up she wont even consider any thing i say please can any one shed some expeiriances giarc565

[directx]

Are you pregnant? Because you skipped all your periods in that paragraph.

 

now, humor aside, if you don't have kids, get out of that marriage and count your blessings. Go date a variety of hot, attractive women and live life for a change.

If you want your marriage for some reason, get her on her meds and get some counseling.

[TechDude]

get out of that marriage and count your blessings.

 

If wife had become a para or quadriplegic, was unable to participate in sex and needed full time care, would you be saying leave?

 

She is sick. She needs the right kind of help.

 

I've lived with W with depression for over 7 years. Similar at times to what the OP describes, but not as bad.

 

Go date a variety of hot, attractive women and live life for a change.

You have no idea how appealing that is, but after 20 years (or 25 in my case) you don't just walk out because things started to get tough.

 

If you want your marriage for some reason, get her on her meds and get some counseling.

I think he already said she was on medication and seeing a shrink.

 

Personally, I find your advice offensive ... sorry, that is as polite as I could manage.

[JackJack]

married 20 yrs last month on valintines day she seems ok some days other days and more often than not she says iv never loved her for her and all iv done is control her and now she says she dont love me and it always changes i dont know what to expect she seems to beleve the mean thing s she says even if i show proof that its not true she wont alow me to see her dr. and she is on zyperxa and has moved out she acuses me of things she does and some days she can have dinner out with me then for no reason she suddenly cant be around me she says people dont want me around and im not welcome she has told me shes afraid of me etc, etc isthis comon for bi-polar patients to do these things she was diagnosed in 4 visits of 30 mins by counsler and has to go to a dr. for meds as cousler cant write prescriptions I love her very much and this constant changes in her are tearing me up she wont even consider any thing i say please can any one shed some expeiriances giarc565

 

If you love her and want to continue to be with her, then it might be a good idea to get yourself some more info people who are bipolar and ways you can help her and yourself. Might make things a little more easy if you know what you're at least up against as far as trying to help and ways to cope. I don't think you need to bail on her just because she has been diagnosed with something. But the final call is up to you. Good luck.

[TechDude]

married 20 yrs last month on valintines day she seems ok some days other days and more often than not she says iv never loved her for her

Yep, know the feeling.

 

and all iv done is control her and now she says she dont love me and it always changes i dont know what to expect she seems to beleve the mean thing s she says

That is the mental illness talking.

 

even if i show proof that its not true

Don't even try and and prove it. Gentle respond by affirming that you do love her and you'll be there for her, but don't get into an argument about it. It won't help, it will probably make things worse. Anyway, it is an argument that you can't win, because in her mind, the outcome is already decided and the rules of logic don't apply if they contradict what she believes.

 

she wont alow me to see her dr. and she is on zyperxa

Zyprexa is an anti-psychotic. It should decrease her irrational thinking, but it will also make her a bit tired and increase her appetite. Do you know what dose she is on?

 

You need to see her doctor. If you have to, arrange to see him without her knowing. You are part of her environment, the doctor needs to know about it. Without her permission, there may not be much he can tell you outside some general advice. On the other hand, there is probably a lot he can ask you to help him understand your wife's situation. He will probably not get an accurate picture from your wife.

 

and has moved out she acuses me of things she does and some days she can have dinner out with me then for no reason she suddenly cant be around me she says people dont want me around and im not welcome she has told me shes afraid of me etc, etc isthis comon for bi-polar patients to do these things

A friend had a wife who was bi-polar. What you describe sounds familiar. Unfortunately for my friend, his wife not only moved out, but divorced and started another relationship. She did not escape the bi-polar though. I'm sorry to say it did not end well.

 

she was diagnosed in 4 visits of 30 mins by counsler and has to go to a dr. for meds as cousler cant write prescriptions

I trust the Dr made his own independent diagnosis and that she continues to see the doctor on a reasonably regular basis.

 

I love her very much and this constant changes in her are tearing me up

I know what you are feeling. I don't have any easy answers. The short answer is that things are pretty much out of your control. Hopefully, the doctors will get things under control.

 

she wont even consider any thing i say please can any one shed some expeiriances giarc565

It hurts like hell, but life does go on. After a while you sort of get used to it in a perverse sort of a way.

 

It took me a long time to stop thinking "how can I change or fix things for my wife". You can't. It took a while to realise that the only person I can change is me. That still does not resolve the situation, but you start to learn a whole lot more about caring about the needs of others.

 

There is no way to sugar coat it. It is hard, but you WILL come though it. You will have to accept that the outcome may not be what you had planned for the remainder of your life. I no longer look that far ahead. I can't even plan weeks ahead. Who knows, by then my W may be back in hospital.

 

In the end, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing and has everything in control. I'm a control freak, so that is a very hard thing for me to accept.

[giarc565]

get out of that marriage and count your blessings. Go date a variety of hot, attractive women and live life for a change.

 

have put up with this for years unkowing its name prior to last 2 years they were minor and cycled at 4 month intervals +/- 1 now it is almost constant now what is it if she never displays any mania symptoms? thought she was diagnosed wrong then I found a parigraph saying in lack of manifested mania then its omnipolar or unipolar/ she has never in my view ever been super up thanks for your insights any more is welcome and thank you in advance

 

 

giarC565

[carhill]

There is a ton of information on manic-depression (and other mood disorders) online. Become educated. Join a support forum. You may need to concoct scenarios to get her treated properly. It's a process.

 

I went through a similar process when my mother developed dementia. It wasn't pretty. A good female friend (wife of a friend) has bi-polar. I've seen the switches and experienced the attacks. My training from caring for my mother has helped immensely.

 

Enjoy the good moments