Anyone else here been separated but still living together?

[Love is Tragic]

I was curious to see if im the only dipsh*t who is separated, but currently still living with my H. Due to financial reasons and also due to our child. Has anyone does this and still been able to successfully live their life or do you eventually just break down and one moves out? I know that traditionally its the norm for one partner to move out, but in my state its acceptable for the married couple to remain under one roof as long as there is no sexual activity. Has this worked for anyone?

 

I know that i feel like the pressure is finally off, that i can live my own life without trying, trying, trying-only to fail miserably at it. Now we are more of roommates and so far its actually working out. Hes really trying to get back into my good graces, but i cant go back to the way it was. We are actually getting along like old friends, instead of an over-stressed married couple. Marriage counseling is next on the agenda. Anywho, would love to hear everyones feedback! thanks.. I also posted this in the Marriage forum.

Edited March 4, 2008 by Love is Tragic

[LegalEyz]

Hello Love,

I am in a very similar situation. My H and I had separated for a few months but due to financial situations, I took him back to help him get on his feet. I mean I did marry this man and loved him at one point, and could never imagine him homeless. We have been through a financial disaster in the past year which has caused me to move into a 1 bedroom apartment which was all good until he came back. We do not have children so this is strictly a financial issue. I thought since I do love him this would work. I'm not sure if we had more room at the inn to sorta escape on another if it would work better, but it is just as, if not more, stressful than it was before we were actually legally separated. I feel like I want to move on, but can't. The reasons we separated to begin with are still present and there are so many times I just want to kick him to the curb, but my heart gets in the way. Not sure if it is meant to work once you separate. There is a reason you separated in the first place which, unless properly addressed, will stay in the home and cause problems.

 

After 10 years I finally got the nerve up to separate and then this curve ball hit me right between the eyes.

 

I wish you the best of luck and hope that it works better for you then it is working for me. LOL

[Nomad1]

I have been living with my STBXW and 3 children for the past 6 months while we are waiting for the house to sell. I filed for divorce in January and we agreed on all financial matters and child custody amicably as 50/50. The first 3 months were crazy as we were still sleeping with each other on and off. Things got strained during the moths that followed to the point of not communicating. Recently we started talking again and making an effort to be civil. It is difficult, but can be manageable if both parties make an effort to get on, particularly when there are children involved.

 

Nomad1

[abeliever]

I still live there now and we are now divorced! I have to wait til house sells also. It is very hard but it can be done. I just try to stay gone as much as possible. Try not to say or start fights that could end up with cops coming out to visit, etc. It is hard if financially you have to stay. But we have made it work so far.

 

We have made some bad decisions too. But looking forward to house selling so I can go on with my life.

 

Remaining civil even when H isn't is the key. Hard but well worth it.

 

Hope this helps some.

abeliever

[mclovin]

My H and I are living together until June-when the lease is up. We just filed for divorce which is supposed to come through in 5-7 weeks (but who's counting?). So figure by the end of April, we'll be officially divorced. HOwever, assuming things work out as planned, we'll still be living under the same roof for another month in a half. I'm in the process of shopping out apt's now so I'm ready when June comes. Oh, we have no kids and not expecting (due to no sex).

[Love is Tragic]

Thanks everyone, for the advice so far! Im glad to see im not the only one "separated" but not really "separated", lol. Its going well so far, but i cant help but feel like hes not really taking it seriously, like he can work his way back in like every other time. I feel like im leading him on, but at the same time im uber confused about what i want/need to do. I know there is no way i can move out and support me and our child on what i make(part-time, low-paying job that wont ever go anywhere) and i also shouldnt have to leave my home, especially due to the things i found out that ultimately led to our separation.

 

Maybe im being too kind to him by allowing him to stay here, i dont know. Im so confused-all this has really just made me sick and tired, literally. Im in a limbo state right now-before, when i was super angry, it was all so clear to me. And now im not so sure-maybe we really do need to live apart, but then again-we work opposite shifts and we dont see each other all that much as it is now, so ?????. Im hoping that marriage counseling will help me see clearer and get me on track to what needs to happen in the future. Ugh.. this sucks.. Once again, thanks for the advice and keep it coming!

[THEBIGARC]

Wife says she is not in love and has feelings for someone else. We are moving into a brand new 3000 sq ft house this weekend. It has been 3 wks since I got the news about how she feels. We went to MC monday and she said she doesn't want a divorce and will have NC with the OM. I just feel she is delaying because of the new house. We have a 4 y/o son. What do you think I should do? What would you want your H to do? Give up on the marriage? I can not do that. If she wants it to end, she will have to file. I hope you are not cheating on your H while you live together. That would kill me if my W does that. If you really want out and it is that bad, I would suggest move in with family until after the judge decides. It is a sad affair I know, but who really has the answers.

[THEBIGARC]

I will be living in our new house with the W until we sell our old house and then I can afford an apartment. I have no clue how or even if I can make it. Only time will tell.

[nowjustme]

we have been separated for almost three months, same reason, waiting for the house to sell. I thought things were as okay as they could be, getting along like roommates, until I made the mistake of looking at his text messages. They may say there isn't anyone else, but that is just to spare your feelings. I am now back to sleepless nights. Do yourself a favor, don't look for something you don't want to see.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have been living with my STBXW and 3 children for the past 6 months while we are waiting for the house to sell. The first 3 months were crazy as we were still sleeping with each other on and off.

I think it really hurts your ability to move on for the reasons above. It still has all the trappings of the failed marriage (including the occasional sex) and the resulting emotional entanglements only complicate the eventual separation. For those that co-habitate during separation for the kids, you're going to move out at some point and so might as well get established in the next phase of your life.

 

Doesn't make sense to me and, under the described situations, I wouldn't stay - even if it meant crashing on a friend's couch for a while...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gunny376]

I think it really hurts your ability to move on for the reasons above. It still has all the trappings of the failed marriage (including the occasional sex) and the resulting emotional entanglements only complicate the eventual separation. For those that co-habitate during separation for the kids, you're going to move out at some point and so might as well get established in the next phase of your life.

 

Doesn't make sense to me and, under the described situations, I wouldn't stay - even if it meant crashing on a friend's couch for a while...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

One word!

 

 

FREEDOM!

[THEBIGARC]

Why should she get the house to enjoy with the OM. If the H is paying all or 1/2 of the bills, he should be able to live there. It is going to hard, but the two can be respectfull. Nothing brought in the house! No calls or visits from the OP. I am hoping this will work out for me. I have until the house is sold. I am hoping 3 to 6 months tops. Any more than that, I might have to find that friend's couch.