Jess-Belle Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Okay, here's a hypothetical for you - you realise that your venom is misdirected and go into IC to sort out which side of the fence you're on. You loathe cheating, OWs etc etc yet you post that you yourself indulged in several affairs while with someone then get bent out of shape when someone does it to you ?? Of course you weren't just "screwing around" were you? I've posted several times that it's the kick in the face that woke me to reality. It finally gave me the empathy, the humility, to realize what I'd been doing to others for so long. I am actually thankful, extremely thankful, for that because if it weren't for that, I'd be one of your comrades posting on here, up to my eyeballs in denial, lamenting over some ridiculous situation or another that I myself walked into. I think for the sake of my sanity I'll just ignore this now. It's OK, Looking, you don't have to. I withdraw the question, because I already have my answer. 1. You refuse to even acknowledge that you were an OW - check 2. You resort to acting like a 10 year-old in refusing to answer a hypothetical question because "that would never happen anyway" - check I think it's obvious to anyone with their head screwed on straight here that the point has been made. I know I said before I don't wish that you find out what it would be like to be in a BS' shoes, but you know what, if you're really as cold, denial-loving and victim-role-relishing as you've shown yourself to be so far on here, screw it, I'll be honest... I kind of hope you do Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I think it's obvious to anyone with their head screwed on straight here that the point has been made. I know I said before I don't wish that you find out what it would be like to be in a BS' shoes, but you know what, if you're really as cold, denial-loving and victim-role-relishing as you've shown yourself to be so far on here, screw it, I'll be honest... I kind of hope you do Oh, I'm completely confident that her posts -- and yours -- speak entirely for themselves and reveal much about the character of the person behind the keyboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Jess-Belle Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Oh, I'm completely confident that her posts -- and yours -- speak entirely for themselves and reveal much about the character of the person behind the keyboard. You mean something like this? If the BS was keeping her H happy at home, he would not be hitting on the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 You mean something like this? Yes ma'am, absolutely. Something is seriously wrong in a M when one of its members has to seek someone else outside of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jess-Belle Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Yes ma'am, absolutely. Something is seriously wrong in a M when one of its members has to seek someone else outside of it. Yeah, it's called, something is wrong with the person who choses an affair as a viable option. If I didn't learn this, I'd still be having affairs to this day. But, if you want to excuse my former behavior, thanks, I guess Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I think he's talking about the very subtle insults Yeah I reckon that: you have such a deplorable set of standards borders on "very subtle", all right... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 It finally gave me the empathy, the humility, The what ?? where ? where? Looking coughs loudly twice and exits crying tears from laughing so hard Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 I think he's talking about the very subtle insults subtle or veiled ? Bless their little hearts Link to post Share on other sites
Jess-Belle Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 The what ?? where ? where? Looking coughs loudly twice and exits crying tears from laughing so hard I wouldn't expect you to get it Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Owoman, thank you for the response. One thing I appreciate is when we can talk about the 'issues' and leave the anger out. Your responses are a great example of that. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 But in the infamous words of GEL herself: what is the point of this thread? Its not asking for advice or anything. It seems she's already made up her mind so what is she telling us for? LOL. I think my point was pretty clear, you can tell what the point is from reading the thread title... I'd expect you of all people to realize that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Yes, I suppose it does... My bf started off as my OM... It took me two years to wade through my massive issues and commit to a genuine relationship him (I wasn't hanging on to my old relationship for that entire time, however -- it ended after several months). He says he always believed I'd come around. I did, once I tackled my dread of being vulnerable and in love. And now that we're together and planning our future... the damage has caught up to him. He saw what I was doing... he can't entirely erase that first perception of me as a lying cheater. He's hurt, and he's angry, and he's having a hard time getting through that. With the help of our therapist, we're trying to. Just a word of caution, I guess, to those waiting like my bf did. Consider what emotions you may experience once they are free to wander beyond "ifs". The well can get poisoned, and you may find that you're not all happiness and light when you finally do get your chance. Not trying to be all gloom and doom, just offering a real life example I'm not waiting any longer. We're together now, living in the same household, blending our families. Thanks for your thoughts! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Yep you won your prize. Good luck with that. Thank you so much for your kind words and well wishes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Good for you, GEL! Things are going well for me too. It does happen but it's not easy getting to where we are now - it's still a long journey ahead but I'm sure you know that too. It's all worth it. Like you said, sometimes it happens... sometimes it does not! I'm glad that things are going well for you too! It's definitely a journey and one I am enjoying going forward with! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 If its meant to be....Its meant to be. You cant stop it. You cant run from it. Enjoy. GEL....... XOXO From alot of the responses here, it seems like most people don't like when it's actually meant to be... I'm happy to be with the man I love and that's the bottom line...Everything's in the open where it should be... And thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
SerenityX2 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Because seriously maybe "some" don't see it as "meant to be" You forced his hand with an ultimatum, but hey as long as you sleep well at night....good for you indeed...for now. but forcing someone's hand in something even in the thinly veiled guise of if you set them free...is still not "meant to be" His history of lying to you (even though you're well over it) and your constant defensivness speak volumes. You're so transparent too bad you can't see that...then again you wouldn't be so transparent. I feel sorry for you, I really do....b/c any self respecting woman would not have accepted any excuses for lying about marital status. Too bad you don't see that....Insecure people never do. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Hey GEL, Great to see you back - hope it's going well since the big move and you're enjoying the happiness you and MM deserve together! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Hey GEL, Great to see you back - hope it's going well since the big move and you're enjoying the happiness you and MM deserve together! Thank you so much! It's the beginning of a new chapter... xoxoxox GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Yep you won your prize. Good luck with that. Thanks for your kind words and well wishes... I'm sure it was difficult for you to try and be happy for me... *tongue in cheek* Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 I just wanted to say thanks for this. I found this forum while looking for encouragement today. I am in the OW but I am also married. However, I had already planned to leave my husband before I met my lover. We met on the internet, both desperately lonely in our marriages, and found out we actually went to the same small college at the same time. Our relationship is still very new, but some nights I find myself in tears wishing he could be lying in bed next to me instead of my husband. Again, Thanks. Keep coming here... There are those of us who will support you in your choices...I wish you the best... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 Hey Gel, I am happy i stop here today! I am happy for you and I also believe when it meant to be it does happen. It may take years but if you keep following your heart you will get where you belong. Whatever it is. I wish you all the best!Thanks for sharing. (((SIL))) I'm glad you stopped by too! Girl, I am happy...happy to be with the man I love, happy that we're making it right, we're moving forward, positive and ready and willing to do the work... Love ya girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 What an entertaining thread! Firstly, GEL, well done for shouting about your happiness and I wish you happiness and contentment. You're right, affairs and subsequent relationships do happen, and I'm living proof and I'm content. Secondly, I don't appear to be feeling enough guilt about being happy in my situation. Could someone please place a "Download Guilt Now" pop up instead of the ad banner that takes 40 minutes to download on this piece of crap computer? You know I can't keep my trap shut for long!!! I'm happy and I don't feel guilty. It happens...I guess everyone just has to deal with it... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Secondly, I don't appear to be feeling enough guilt about being happy in my situation. Could someone please place a "Download Guilt Now" pop up instead of the ad banner that takes 40 minutes to download on this piece of crap computer? We're supposed to feel guilt? Oh. I guess I don't have that plug-in installed either. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Not to be a downer, but *I* have the guilt. I have from day one, even though I walked into the EMR with eyes wide open. I knew her, worked with them both (until she left a few months later, before the EMR started)... I'd even gone to their house on at least one occasion and went out with her once. She and I sang karaoke. I betrayed her in the worst way possible and I did it willingly, openly, in full control of my mental facilities. Oh sure, I was "in love" and I knew how their relationship was - it really wasn't a good one, I saw it up close and personal and I know a lot of people who have said they'd had a bad relationship for years. But none of that justifies my behavior, yanno? I think that's been the hardest part of all this for me... the guilt I feel. Knowing D-Day and him getting kicked out never would have happened if it hadn't been for me. Knowing that the heartache and loneliness I feel now with him going back home wouldn't be an issue if I had just said NO the first (and second, and third) time he ever came on to me. None of us would be hurting if we hadn't fallen in love with each other. Yeah, I feel guilty. I feel like this whole mess is all my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 I got over my guilt... The people responsible for the state of their M is the people in it...You can either tend and nurture the R or not... When you choose to take it for granted, it deteriorates...People grow apart and change... Ultimately, it is the people in the M that destroy it...Sometimes it's a single party; most times it's both parties, they just contribute to its decay in a different way... Link to post Share on other sites
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