Help

[katie]

I have recently been dating a guy for close to 2 years and I have known him for 6 years. The problem is that we got into a huge fight the other weekend and now he won't talk to me. I have left him 3 phone messages in 6 days, with no response. So I finally called him early in the morning before he went to work. We discussed why he was so upset but said that he hasn't made up his mind what to do. I asked what this meant and the only thing he could say is that maybe he should break up with me to show me that he is serious. One thing that has to be understood was that this was a silly fight, but it put me in a bad mood and I reacted on it. We have been in a lot worse fights, but for some reason this feels different. I know he is not seeing anyone else, but he refuses to deal with this. I am just sitting here in limbo trying to figure out what his decision will be. I need to know if we are broke up, then I can move on otherwise if we aren't then we need to move on from here. I love this guy with all my heart and always have. I am pretty sure that he knows this but I don't know whether to leave him alone and let him ponder or to keep trying to call and force his decision. Any ideas?

[Totally Confused]

Your posting is hard to answer, due to the fact that you haven't told us what the fight was about. Even though you say that this fight was about nothing compared to other fights, something has obviously upset him to the point where he doesn't know if he wants to stay with you.

 

If this fight is really over nothing big and he's making a bigger deal out of it than necessary, it's probably because he's trying to look for a reason (any reason) to get out of the relationship without feeling guilty. Think about it, when a person is in love, they will forgive and forgive. There are many women and men out there who forgive their mate who has cheated on them...more than once. If this man were truly in love with you, he'd find a way and want to work it out - especially if it's not a major fight. If this guy doesn't want to work it out and it is a small fight over nothing, then he's being cruel. He's trying to take the guilt off himself and put it onto you. Now if he leaves you and doesn't forgive you, he'll be walking away for one reason (he's just not in love and has possibly met someone else) and you'll think it's another (something that you did to hurt him), because that's what he'll want you to believe. You'll go on blaming yourself and thinking you were a bad girlfriend. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

 

You say he isn't seeing anyone else? Are you possitive? I bet if you looked hard enough, you'd find out that he may be. He's just keeping it extremely low key. I've met so many people who think it's not possible that their lover has met someone else and 99% of the time, they're wrong. You're always the last to know - believe me. I had an ex that did that to me. We had dated for 1 1/2 and he started seeing someone else (unbeknownst to me)and he got mad at me for every little thing I said or did. Everything was a fight and it took forever (plus tears) for him to forgive me. I sat there thinking I was ruining the relationship. I also thought he'd never cheat on me, because we had shared so much and really cared for each other. I had ABSOLUTELY no clue there was someone else - he never let on. When we finally broke up, I thought I was to blame and was so mad at myself for screwing up the relationship, until I found out from a mutual friend, 6 months later, that my ex had been dating his new girlfriend, even before we had broken up. I was so mad. I had a little chat with him and found it to be totally 100% true. He is no longer living (just kidding). I'm actually glad that he now knows he was the creep, not me.

 

Anyway, do your homework and ask around. The best way is to look him in his eyes and straight out ask him. If he even so much as flinches or looks away for a split second, you'll know.

 

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[Shirley]

I have recently been dating a guy for close to 2 years and I have known him for 6 years. The problem is that we got into a huge fight the other weekend and now he won't talk to me. I have left him 3 phone messages in 6 days, with no response. So I finally called him early in the morning before he went to work. We discussed why he was so upset but said that he hasn't made up his mind what to do. I asked what this meant and the only thing he could say is that maybe he should break up with me to show me that he is serious. One thing that has to be understood was that this was a silly fight, but it put me in a bad mood and I reacted on it. We have been in a lot worse fights, but for some reason this feels different. I know he is not seeing anyone else, but he refuses to deal with this. I am just sitting here in limbo trying to figure out what his decision will be. I need to know if we are broke up, then I can move on otherwise if we aren't then we need to move on from here. I love this guy with all my heart and always have. I am pretty sure that he knows this but I don't know whether to leave him alone and let him ponder or to keep trying to call and force his decision. Any ideas?

Hi!

 

This man enjoys seeing you squirm. This is his way to tell you once and for all that he is the "boss" in your relationship. And it's his way of saying, "Don't ever let this happen again, do you hear!" Please be good to yourself and leave this man. He doesn't love you. He just wants to have power over you. And this type of abuse will only get worse. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. And you are concerned with their feelings. So go out and have fun with other men. Give yourself a chance to find someone who will give you the love you deserve.