Wearing an ex's clothes...while in a new relationship?

[FolderWife]

My boyfriend has this sweat suit that he wears a lot when it's cold. He always tells me that he and his friends were going to go to a party, and this girl wore this sweat suit to his place and then while she was there she changed and got ready. He wore her sweat suit to the party. He volunteered this information and I thought nothing of it.

 

He kept her clothes. I couldn't care less. That is until over the weekend when he put the outfit on, and I said, "Wearing the fat girl's clothes again?" (My boyfriend is a big guy, so I figured this girl must've been a monster since he could wear her clothes) He replied, "No, Jenna was pretty slim." We know two slim Jennas, so I said, "Oh! Who's Jenna!?" thinking that he'd stole one of our friends' clothes. He said, "Adam's girlfriend...Harold's wife."

 

Well, my boyfriend had an affair with "Harold's wife". I said, “OH!?!?! You’re wearing an ex’s clothes!?!?!” He said, “Give it up,” meaning let’s not start a fight over an ex.

 

He acts like I have no reason to be upset, so I started to feel invalidated. I mentioned this story to one of my girlfriends in passing, and as soon as I said that he’d slept with the woman who’s clothes he was now wearing, her eyes got big, and she said, “I’d have been so mad!” Well that validated me. What do you think?

[whichwayisup]

Hey Folder, welcome back to LS.

 

Honestly, I think your guy is inconsiderate. How much do you really like him? He doesn't seem to really respect you and treat you well.

[carhill]

Time for a new boyfriend?

[Leia]

Is it normal to pass girlfriends around? Your boyfriend used to date Harold's wife and now Adam is dating her??

[FolderWife]

We've lived together for a year and my boyfriend used to be wonderful. Lately, however, this inconsiderate streak has taken over. I'm not sure what's up.

 

He seems to love me, and he's usually considerate, but lately (for the past couple of weeks) he seems to be saying and doing things that he KNOWS upsets me, and then acts like I've got a problem when I get upset.

 

I just talked to another friend, who said if he knew this girl before me (and it was several years ago) that I should just let it go.

 

To answer the above question, these women that are getting "passed around" are easy women. These men that are "passing them around" aren't quality men. My boyfriend used to be a real loser (drugs etc.) before I met him. He cleaned up his act, and when I first met him, I automatically decided that he wasn't good enough for me. That is until I got to know him. He had been clean for several years, and he was thoughtful and doting as well as hard working. His past actually ended up making him more appealing because it added to the layers in his personality.

 

His sexual past has always bothered me so I would usually avoid talking about it if I could. He just tends to bring it up now and then, which causes me to have questions and then I learn things that I really didn't want to know. I asked him why he does this, and he said it's because he is as candid with me as he would be with his friends, and so he just talks openly about things. Then I seek out more information and learn more than I want to know.

[whichwayisup]

I just talked to another friend, who said if he knew this girl before me (and it was several years ago) that I should just let it go.

 

Why should you just let it go? Tell him how inconsiderate he's being to you and you want it to stop! Don't be afraid to communicate how you feel and what you expect of him! Most of all, respect! He isn't respecting you, or treating you like a girlfriend!

 

As for his sexual past - He is who he is, in and out of bed because of it. Try not to let his experience bother you...Though, he shouldn't be talking about it and make you feel like he's comparing you to someone from his past.

[FolderWife]

We have talked and talked and talked so much over the past two weeks that we are both miserable.

 

I let him know that he's hurt me.

 

He invalidates my feelings so he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy.

 

That hurts me.

 

He invalidates that.

 

That hurts me.

 

so on and so on.

 

I agree with you that he is EXTREMELY inconsiderate and disrespectful! That's what I tell him all the time!!! He doesn't see it that way.

 

Only he knows what he's thinking. He very well could be thinking, "I'm cold. I'm going to wear these warm clothes." Meanwhile I feel like his wearing those particular clothes is disrespectful. He doesn't intend any disrespect by wearing them, but I feel disrespected. In my opinion, he should change clothes to make me feel at ease and respected. In his opinion I should not feel disrespected because his wearing the clothes has nothing to do with me.

 

I just want him to recognize how I feel, and be sympathetic to it. He thinks I shouldn't feel this way, so he refuses to show any sympathy.

 

We've talked and talked and talked! What does a person do!?!?! We are driving each other crazy. I know how he feels, he knows how I feel, we both think the other is WRONG!

[LILA BELL]

I would be more worried of his cross dressing (wearing a females jumpsuit)

 

Rather than it being a ex gf jumpsuit.

[FolderWife]

If it were me, I wouldn't wear the clothes at all. Just me knowing that an ex gave them to me makes me feel like I would be disrespecting him by wearing them.

 

I had two women at work receive flowers. One gave me one of her flowers to take home and enjoy. The other didn't want her flowers at all, so I took them home to enjoy. That upset my boyfriend and he let me know it.

 

Ok...me having flowers that aren't from him upset him. Therefore, I have no problem never bringing home flowers that aren't from him. I feel like he's being rediculous, but it's not that important to me. His feelings are more important to me than some silly flowers.

 

Now how do I get the same respect from him?

[FolderWife]

I would be more worried of his cross dressing (wearing a females jumpsuit)

 

Rather than it being a ex gf jumpsuit.

 

lol. It looks more like men's wear than women's. I think she was the one cross dressing.

[LILA BELL]

Thats crazy he gets angry over flowres,is he a jealous bf?

[SeraBella]

I wouldn't wear an ex's clothes at all...because they are an ex and it would hurt me to bring up the memories. But I don't think it means the same for a man to wear an ex's clothing. Most men don't even have ex's clothing. He probably just enjoys telling the story, and it's probably the warmest thing that was clean. Buy him something new to replace.

 

But, anyway, you seem to stir the pot a bit when it comes to women from his past. It seems like a recurring theme. You keep questioning until you get an answer, and then you become hurt. It's like you need to create some tension between the two of you.

[FolderWife]

Well, talking it out with you guys gave me some clarity. I just called my boyfriend, and I said, "look, you know that I love you, and I'm sorry that I tend to dwell on things the way I do, but there's just something that's bugging me that I would like to get off my chest."

 

He said, "What is it?"

 

I said, "Well, you know how it bugged you that I brought home flowers that weren't from you?"

 

He said, "Did you get more flowers!?"

 

I said, "no no no no no...what I'm getting at is that I think you're silly for feeling the way that you do over the flowers, but it bugs you so I'm not going to bring home flowers any more that aren't from you. I know that you think I'm rediculous for feeling the way I do about your ex's track suit (and I cited a couple of other things) but I still feel that way."

 

He said, "I don't do that stuff just to get at you."

 

I said, "I know you don't. I didn't bring those flowers home to get at you, I brought them home because I like flowers, you know?"

 

He said, "Yeah, I know."

 

I continued, "Because it bugs you, I'm not going to bring home flowers that aren't from you any more, and I wish that you would just consider me in the same way."

 

He said, "I know. I'll see what I can do." He sounded a little bit annoyed, because like me he's soooo tired of arguing, but I think he got it this time.

[FolderWife]

you seem to stir the pot a bit when it comes to women from his past. It seems like a recurring theme. You keep questioning until you get an answer' date=' and then you become hurt. QUOTE']

 

This is true. I don't know why I do this. He will say something and I just can't stop myself from wanting more details.

 

Then the details make me feel insecure. When I talk about anything to do with an ex, it's usually with a voice of disgust. Sometimes I feel like he enjoys the memories from his past too much and I get jealous.

 

Thats crazy he gets angry over flowres,is he a jealous bf? QUOTE]

 

He doesn't ever act jealous...in fact quite the opposite. Sometimes I get to see that he is a little jealous though. I like a little jealousy in a man, because it makes me feel reassured. He doesn't seem to like any jealousy in me though.