secrets for a happy long term relationship

[hotgurl]

I was just pondering things today. Are there any secrets for a happy long term relationship?

 

How do you avoid boredom, a wondering eye etc...

[General Jack]

When you figure it out, lets us know!

 

Sorry, not trying to be a smart A... I guess my point is that many of us have the same questions.

 

I think keys are being respectful and really really listening. The listening I sometimes have trouble with, so my advice to the women would be say less so that it means more.

[OpenBook]

There are no secrets. There are no happy LTR's. We're all doomed.

[Pyro]

I was just pondering things today. Are there any secrets for a happy long term relationship?

 

How do you avoid boredom, a wondering eye etc...

 

I would guess communication and spontaneity for starters.

[hotgurl]

There are no secrets. There are no happy LTR's. We're all doomed.

 

Nice.

 

I was just thinking about because I am getting married.

 

I think one key is accepting each other for who you are and not trying to change one another.

 

I am just worried about it getting stale. We have been together 6.5 years already.

[Meaplus3]

Nice.

 

I was just thinking about because I am getting married.

 

I think one key is accepting each other for who you are and not trying to change one another.

 

I am just worried about it getting stale. We have been together 6.5 years already.

 

I think one key is accepting each other for who you are and not trying to change one another.

 

Yes. I would agree with you that accepting each other for who they are.. is a very big key. For IMO if you head into any R.. with a ton of thing's that you feel you can't accept about the other person.. then IMO you could easily be heading for trouble down the line.. So you need to know what you will accept and feel good about that. Hope I made sense. Best of luck.

 

AP:)

[annieo]

I think it was Ben Franklin, that wit of days gone by, who said, "You should keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut afterwards.". Sounds cynical, but I'm beginning to think that there is more than a little good sense expressed in this sentence.

[quankanne]

avoid boredom by having several interests in common that you can enjoy, but also respect each other's needs for time alone or for hanging out with friends. It's important that you retain your own identity even though you're entering into a life where you're vowed to stay together.

 

wandering pee-pee? heh heh. Just told my husband that I wouldn't bother killing his *ss, but leave him to deal with my two sisters, who still think of me as their "baby" at age 42!

 

as for wandering eyes ... well, you're both human and you're both going to notice attractive people, it's a natural response. The key is remembering that you've already found your "perfect" partner and married her/him

 

sex … know that your sex life is not going to remain the same way throughout your marriage, because as your life changes (problems, family issues, work, kids, school, illness, etc), so's your need or desire for sex. It's not the be-all, end-all of a relationship, but a very sweet part of it. So learn to go with the flow when things seem off-kilter and you're not getting as much "mmm-mmm" as you'd like. The pattern does correct itself (or rather, improve) when you give it enough breathing space.

 

communicating when you feel like there's nothing left to say? That's where keeping an open mind comes in real handy, because there is tons of help available – counseling, retreats, marriage building exercises, etc. And getting these kinds of tools means one person is "bad," just that you're willing to make a stronger marriage out of what you've got. Even when you think it's a fantastic relationship to start with.

[Walk]

My parents have been married for 40 years, and from watching them I've learned a few things.

 

Listen to your partner without making assumptions.

Communicate how you feel or think about things without making ultimatiums.

Be selfless. Always give even if you aren't getting immediate gratification from it. (you supposedly married the person you trust.. so you trust that they'll return this in the future)

Give as much space to your partner as they need. Be available, but not in their face about it.

Touch or hug each other every day.

Have other hobbies or friends that aren't dependent on your SO being there.

Praise your partner.

Express appreciation on a regular basis for the things your partner does.

Spend at least 1 day a week re-connecting. Keep a date night just for the two of you.

Have a hobby together. Something that allows the two of you to talk about it.

Have friends outside of the marriage, but keep your partner as your best friend.

 

Those are just the few I could think of.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Here's one:

 

Understand that people change and evolve all throughout their lives: even in long term relationships. The person you fell in love with and that fell in love with you will change and be different as the years go by. I honestly feel that it is people's inability to accept this that tears relationships apart. The ones that accept change and adapt are the ones that come out happier in the end.

[Ocean-Blue]

Realizing that you are not the same person. You feel and behave differently. Accepting that he/she is who they are, and you are who you are.

 

Understand that you may communicate differently (thanks to the wisdom of sb129, I've come to accept this).

 

Accepting the other for who they are. Can't go into something thinking you can change them. You can only change yourself.

 

Not allowing pride to get in the way. Humility goes a long way.

[Walk]

Here's one:

 

Understand that people change and evolve all throughout their lives: even in long term relationships. The person you fell in love with and that fell in love with you will change and be different as the years go by. I honestly feel that it is people's inability to accept this that tears relationships apart. The ones that accept change and adapt are the ones that come out happier in the end.

 

That is SOO true. That was one of the major things that tore my previous marriage apart. My ex was unwilling to allow me to change, and tried incredibly hard to make things stay exactly as they were 8 years earlier.

 

And its one of the things i struggle with sometimes in my relationship. Change is scary. But allowing, and supporting, your partner in changes they wish to make can create an incredibly strong bond between two people.

[Rooster_DAR]

Here's one:

 

Understand that people change and evolve all throughout their lives: even in long term relationships. The person you fell in love with and that fell in love with you will change and be different as the years go by. I honestly feel that it is people's inability to accept this that tears relationships apart. The ones that accept change and adapt are the ones that come out happier in the end.

 

 

Well, I allowed my EX her room to change and that's exactly what she did, changed boyfriends.

 

For the most part I believe what you stated here, but in some cases you wind up with someone who cannot maintain a LTR for whatever reason and they wander off to the right until they fall off.