PurpleBetty Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I just got out of a long relationship with a guy. We were living alone together and things ended extremely badly. I moved back to my home city and even transferred to a different college. On my first couple of days in this new college, this guy started hanging around with me. I instantly thought he was attractive but I am so insecure about relationships at the moment that I didn't lead him on or anything, I tried to establish a purely platonic friendship with him. This has been harder than it seems however. He has told me so many times that he thinks I'm pretty and he has even stopped hanging out with his other college friends so he can spend more time with me. He says I make him happy.(?) Nothing sexual has ever happened between us, but I need to know if he likes me. I like him a lot, have never told him and try my best to talk to him as a friend, but I can feel this underlying sexual energy between us. I think about him a lot and I would really like something to happen between us, but I can't read the signs that well because my vision is slightly obscured by my last relationship. Maybe you guys to help me ? - He spends 99% of his free time in college with me. - When I asked him why he doesnt spend time with his other friends in college, he said its because I make him feel like the person he wants to be. - We go out together a lot , under the pretence that we are friends hanging out. - Our conversations when we are out almost always steer towards sex. - He looks at me a lot ( but surely friends do this too?) - The other night we were in the pub and I was looking around at people, I asked him what he was looking at (not in an agressive way, simply because I did not know) and he said he was watching me. - Sometimes we dont talk, we just sit in silence. I ask him am I boring him, but he says no and that he really enjoys hanging out with me. - I told him I had a sexual dream about him, and he just couldnt stop smiling. He was so happy at that.. I need to know if this is just a friendship starting out, or whether he is attracted to me? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
gspgal Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I need to know if this is just a friendship starting out, or whether he is attracted to me? I would say 'yes' to both questions: it is a friendship starting out *and* he's attracted to you. But I'm not him: the only way to know how he sees the situation is to ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PurpleBetty Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 Thanks for your advice but I dont think i can ask him though. I don't want to scare him away as a friend if I'm wrong, but I also dont want to make the first move, Ive always done that and I always end up like feeling I have forced the relationship.. Is there anything I could do/say which would evoke a response from him that would be a telltale sign? Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Ask him what his ideal girl would be like. Link to post Share on other sites
gspgal Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Is there anything I could do/say which would evoke a response from him that would be a telltale sign? Well, I'm not aware of anything that would evoke a definitive response (i.e. him kissing you) without it being something that you might feel was making the first move (i.e. moving in for a kiss). What I wouldn't advise is going the route of trying to provoke him into action by making him jealous (talking about other guys in front of him, etc.). In my experience that might work in the short term but eventually is disasterous for both the friendship and the relationship. I don't want to scare him away as a friend if I'm wrong, but I also dont want to make the first move, Ive always done that and I always end up like feeling I have forced the relationship. I can't tell you how to feel, of course, but making the first move IMO is in no way forcing a relationship. It's expressing your interest in someone which just about anyone would find flattering; you can't force them to accept the offer (well, you can, but that's illegal ). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 He's infatuated. Likely does not have significant experience with this. Ask me how I know Ball's in your court. I think he wants a relationship with you. Do you want that at this time? If you put him in the friend zone I don't think either of you will be satisfied. I would suggest talking to your new (potential) beau about your last relationship (not the gory details) and how it's hard for you to consider something new right now. Be honest, including how you feel spending time with him. Gauge his response; it will be telling regarding his relationship experience. Link to post Share on other sites
barbarella Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Thanks for your advice but I dont think i can ask him though. I don't want to scare him away as a friend if I'm wrong, but I also dont want to make the first move, Ive always done that and I always end up like feeling I have forced the relationship.. Is there anything I could do/say which would evoke a response from him that would be a telltale sign? Hi PB - you could always try the trusty "accidentaly on purpose have to touch you" trick. You know, the one where you're out having some drinks and you have to get up and you touch his arm and look deep into his eyes (and say "can you watch my drink for a second?") and go to the washroom...little things like that, once or twice in a night, where your body language says "yes, yes" but if he doesn't want to interpret it that way you haven't said anything. You might have to do this a couple of times over a while (like lean in a touch too close when talking to him and see if he pulls back or comes closer in, stuff like that), but so long as you don't do anything totally over the top, he'll take it as the invitation it is. You aren't "forcing" anything at all, just using tried and true non-verbal cues to let him know that things could progress if he wants them to...then again, I agree that what you've written that he's said, this could go either way - but he really sounds quite interested in you. One other thing - in my experience, if there is interest from one person and not the other and the friendship is a true one then it will last. I fully believe (although I may be wrong on this one) that true, mature friends understand that sometimes interest gets in the way, and so long as you respect each other it shouldn't be a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PurpleBetty Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 you could always try the trusty "accidentaly on purpose have to touch you" trick. haha! I tried this last night, when were in the pub. He was sorta slouched down and I put my head on his chest. He didnt mind, and when I sat up he asked me to lie my head back down. Then later on in the night we were joking and he put his hand on my leg, which was part of the joke.. dont ask.. but he left it there for a few seconds after the joke had ended. As I write this it sounds abundantly clear that he likes me, but in reality I dont know. He also told me that he thinks about me a lot, that those thoughts make him happy.He was smiling to himself once he told me, and when another friend asked him what he was smiling at, he realised it was me he was thinking about... Is this how friends usually act? Thanks for your advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PurpleBetty Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 He's infatuated. Likely does not have significant experience with this. Ask me how I know I dont really know what you mean here. Do you think he hasnt had much experience with girls, coz I think thats true.. Thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 He doesn't have a clear roadmap of how to handle his feelings of attraction. That comes with experience. How are his other aspects? Do you find him compatible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PurpleBetty Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 Yeah we have similar interests and a similar sense of humor, I think we'd get along pretty well.. Ive been tempted to kiss him a lot, but Im terrified that his reaction might be negative. Whats the difference in the ways guys act around girls they like and just girls who are friends? Link to post Share on other sites
virtuzoso Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 If he spends that much time with you, there's no way in hell he's gonna have a negative reaction. ESPECIALLY if he's been telling you you are attractive and make him feel like the person he could become. I need to know if this is just a friendship starting out, or whether he is attracted to me? He's definitely attracted you. Sounds to me that he is a bit shy and is probably inexperienced and doesnt realize that he needs to make the first move. Link to post Share on other sites
barbarella Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 haha! I tried this last night, when were in the pub. He was sorta slouched down and I put my head on his chest. He didnt mind, and when I sat up he asked me to lie my head back down. Then later on in the night we were joking and he put his hand on my leg, which was part of the joke.. dont ask.. but he left it there for a few seconds after the joke had ended. As I write this it sounds abundantly clear that he likes me, but in reality I dont know. He also told me that he thinks about me a lot, that those thoughts make him happy.He was smiling to himself once he told me, and when another friend asked him what he was smiling at, he realised it was me he was thinking about... Is this how friends usually act? There's your answer: He wants you to be in close (reasonably intimate) physical proximity to him. Friends aren't like that this early in a relationship. Don't discount touching - it's the main way that we show our interests. Also, he's told you that he thinks about you a lot? I would consider that a major green light. I'm going to continue to suggest non-verbal cues, because I get the sense that you're quite unsure. Have you tried wiping "something" off of his cheek? That's again another cue that can be quite successful, especially if you look at his lips at the same time. Lick your lips very shortly after that, and I find it's a pretty good signal that you wouldn't be adverse to a kiss... Men can friendzone women too (it's not just a myth), so the goal here would be to subtly introduce slightly more intimate behaviour that can't be interpreted as "just friends" to see where it leads. Again, just physical cues (so no "forcing") that are well established, just you signalling that you're interested in it going just a little farther... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 And the mating dance begins! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PurpleBetty Posted March 6, 2008 Author Share Posted March 6, 2008 Thank you for your help and advice everyone ! <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts