Mother emotionally blackmailing me

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Well, should I call ANY doctor? Because I don't know who hers is. Also, I was going to see my dad today but my mom said I cant see him at all until my brother starts seeing her once in a while(he's 20). My dad said it was BS and is gonna send her some legal papers.

 

Aside from that, when I call a doctor what should I say? Just tell em of the situation and ask what the best option would be? And my moms done so much for me and still is, dunno what I'd do without her, y'know?

 

I know, it's a very difficult situation. I'm in the UK so I'm not sure of the medical system in the US. But, how it worked over here was I went to see MY doctor, told him all about the situation, he came to check on her along with a community psychiatric nurse, she was assessed (so asked a lot of questions to see how suicidal she was) and then she was asked to go to hospital.

 

I dont see why you seeing your dad has anything at all to do with you brother. You mother needs tor respect that your dad is part of your life.

 

Lastly - you ARE doing something for her, you know? She can't be a very happy person constantly worrying, threatening, shouting, guilting etc. Think of yourself as trying to deliver her to a happier place in her life where you are not her focus.

[Lostguy33]

Well, I have one current doctor, whom I've gone to twice thus far. Only for facial stuff though. Should I go to him?

[Lostguy33]

And I just talked to my dad about her being clinically depressed or something. And he said yeah she is. She's already been clinically depressed before and a fortune was spent to get her out of it. So I'm gonna talk to a doctor that my dad gives me the name of. Lets hope for the best =/

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Fingers crossed for you Lostguy, tell your doc, tell your dad, keep all communication to get support for you and your mum.

 

I really hope things work out for you!

 

Keep us updated

 

Hugs (())

[Lostguy33]

Well, my dad is working on getting me the #.

But, my mom had another one of her fight things towards me. I don't know what it was even about, I was just in my room working on a research paper. Anyways, I called all of her threats out when she did them. She threatened to send me to my dads and told me to call him, I did exactly that without any hesitation and she just flat out yelled F*** YOU! and left my room, for the time being.

And then she came back a bit later, started talking about me having to be more loving to her and promise these profound things like I mentioned in my very first post. In the end she started insulting me and said maybe I should bring one of your male teachers in because there's something wrong with you. I said maybe I should bring someone in for you. She swore at me some more, and said that I'm such a little person and she's such a big person or some weird bs talk. Oh yeah! She also demanded that I never tell anyone about the sh*t that happens here. Heh, like that's gonna happen. Hope I get that doc's # soon!

Edited March 20, 2008 by Lostguy33

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Well, my dad is working on getting me the #.

But, my mom had another one of her fight things towards me. I don't know what it was even about, I was just in my room working on a research paper. Anyways, I called all of her threats out when she did them. She threatened to send me to my dads and told me to call him, I did exactly that without any hesitation and she just flat out yelled F*** YOU! and left my room, for the time being.

And then she came back a bit later, started talking about me having to be more loving to her and promise these profound things like I mentioned in my very first post. In the end she started insulting me and said maybe I should bring one of your male teachers in because there's something wrong with you. I said maybe I should bring someone in for you. She swore at me some more, and said that I'm such a little person and she's such a big person or some weird bs talk. Oh yeah! She also demanded that I never tell anyone about the sh*t that happens here. Heh, like that's gonna happen. Hope I get that doc's # soon!

 

She probably doesn't want you to tell because she is somewhat aware of how wrong her behaviour is. Good for you for remaining calm, calling her out on her threats and basically being the adult in the situation. Remain calm at all costs. It helps you keep control and if there's anything you need when dealing with an unstable mother its control!

 

Get your dad to get on with that number, you're studying right? You need to concentrate on that not this problem so the sooner you get at least some help, support and a diagnosis of her condition, you'll be able to focus on your own life.

[Lostguy33]

Still waiting on that number, sigh. Least these days have remained calm for the most part, at least my Mixed Martial Arts has kept my emotions in check. Hope I can get her some help soon!

[Lostguy33]

Scratch that remained calm thing >.<

[Ronni_W]

Your dad does not seem to have gotten the urgency of your situation. Or perhaps is in denial about it. (Who knows?) But perhaps you ought not to rely on him remembering to get you that number -- call and remind him; or make another plan to get it.

He has a responsibility to you, and it will be perfectly fine and acceptable for you to remind him of that...as often as you need to.

 

Sending Angels' protection and guidance.

[Storyrider]

Can you talk to your school counselor? Your mother's threatening suicide is emotional abuse, so technically, child protective services could be called in.

 

However, maybe you could live with a friend as someone else suggested. Your school counselor should know exactly how to handle this. You could also just tell a teacher who you trust.

[Lostguy33]

Well, my mom wouldn't allow me to live with another friend that's for sure. But, at least when I'm 18 I'm gonna get an apartment for my senior year, but she's a guaranteed death when I leave, hence why I gotta get that number already =/.

I don't really want to talk to my counselor or any teachers, because I'm not too close with any of them. The main thing that is holding me back in this situation though, is guilt. I just can't seem to get past the fact that I should only feel guilty if I do nothing. But, I am doing something about it, or at least trying. I'll keep working on that #.

[Ronni_W]

I just can't seem to get past the fact that I should only feel guilty if I do nothing.

Well, the goal, really, is to feel guilt-free no matter what you choose to do or not do.

 

Consider, how will you feel if your mum does succumb to her suicidal tendencies, and then you have family members as well as professionals saying stuff like, "You should have done this" or "Why didn't you do that?"

 

Doing something will help minimize the risk of your mum succumbing to her illness. As well, it would be for your long-term best to avoid THAT kind of guilt, that you didn't do anything concrete that could have helped her.

 

It will take courage, of which, IMO, you've already demonstrated that you have more than enough. Within yourself, wouldn't it be better if you didn't have to feel guilty later on, because you're not putting your courage into action now?

[melodicmaybe]

Is your mum on any medication right now? If so, you can try pulling the name of the prescribing doctor off her meds and looking it up that way.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Well, my mom wouldn't allow me to live with another friend that's for sure. But, at least when I'm 18 I'm gonna get an apartment for my senior year, but she's a guaranteed death when I leave, hence why I gotta get that number already =/.

I don't really want to talk to my counselor or any teachers, because I'm not too close with any of them. The main thing that is holding me back in this situation though, is guilt. I just can't seem to get past the fact that I should only feel guilty if I do nothing. But, I am doing something about it, or at least trying. I'll keep working on that #.

 

Lostguy, this is a matter of urgency now. Get the number. Ring your dad. Look at pills. Search for letters with the docs name on. Look up the books in the surgeries of your area and find the doc. Go to YOUR doctor and ask for help.

 

The situation you are in is unhealthy. Not just for you, but for your mother too. You are walking a fine line of co-dependency in my opinion. Someone who threatens suicide does NOT have the authority to tell you where to live or what to do anymore. You are entitled to live in a house where you are not hemmed in by the thoughts that someone else may die because of your actions. However...I know its your guilt that is stopping you from reacting quickly.

 

Its important to see the wood for the trees. Your mother may have been the authority in your life for a long time and you have obviously respected that. But you are doing her a disservice by NOT getting her help. If your mum had a broken leg you would call the doctors yeah? Think of her mental health problem as a broken leg. It needs to be treated by a professional, it will get better with the proper treatment, and its basically the same discomfort - a fractured mind.

 

Stop seeing your mums behaviour as "her" behaviour and think of it as behaviour stemming from an illness. She needs help.

 

Your father obviously does not see the urgency which I think could be clouding your vision, in case your worried about overreacting. In my opinion, there is no over reaction on your part at all. You are dealing with a severely warped sense of motherhood because of illness and she needs help. Turn your guilt around - get her the help she needs and the guilt will slowly dissolve. Mine did.

 

I really sympathise with what you're going through. I remember the fear, the guilt, the brushing it under the carpet to make it go away. Just try your best to see that your guilt would be double-fold if your DONT take action!

 

Hugs (())

[Lostguy33]

I called my dad and he found a doctor near me that was recommended to him. He's going to set up an appointment with her so we can talk about this stuff face to face.

I just hope things remain remotely calm until then.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

That's great news LG. I hope it feels a bit better for you getting some support from your dad

[Lostguy33]

Well, here's an update: my mom yelled at me for 3+ hours yesterday when I walked through the door. I don't really know why, but, as usual i remained calm. I finally got that appointment with that doctor set up. So hopefully I can get my mind and stuff back together. And get my mom some MUCH needed help.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Well done LG, its hard not to bite the bait sometimes but you have to remember its a condition you're dealing with, not her personality per se.

 

You'll get her back to who she once was, I'm sure of it. And it will open a whole world of opportunity up to you. Well done also for getting the docs appointment set up. Is she aware of the appointment?