gooner Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Right where do i start.. it's quite complicated but here we go.... I met this girl at university and we have been an item for almost 4 months... The thing about this girl is she is really QUIET!! and i mean really quiet... When i met here she was nearing the end of a 4 year relationship with her first love... yeah i know what your thinking.. ouch but we hung out and things went really well, we decided we should give it a go.. 4 months later i am none the wiser regarding what this girl is thinking.. For example she was staying the night at my house, come 10 o'clock she began to be very quiet and almost looked upset.. so (being the gentleman that i am) i asked her if everything was okay.. If i had upset her? She said nothing was wrong? and asked if i was okay? half an hour later she had fallen asleep... The next day she described how she was really tired last night, i asked her if that was why she was being really quiet... she said yes it was..... You can imagine that this is not a big poblem, However think of it like this if you ask your girl if she is okay and she says nothings wrong? but really she is tired and looking somewhat grumpy, How can you know what's wrong with her. For gods sake i'm not a mind reader but i can tell when my girl is a bit upset and if she sits still grumpy and she gives me no reason i start to begin to think i have upset her.. This then goes round in a circle and we reach a catch22 situation..... Basically we have a lack of communication! This all came to a head a couple of nights ago.... I called her after her work which was approx 12 midnight.. She asked me the usual where i had been and the like, i said i went out with my mates... We got onto the topic of this girl that had tried to chat me up earlier in the night..(i knew this would piss her off, so i did not offer this information out easily, she pressed me for what i had been doing) She then said and i quote, "You can kiss who you like"!! ???? This really upset me and i began to think to myself what does this mean? does she really not care about our relationship this much? (by the way, in no way would i ever cheat on her, she knows this coz i have been cheated on before)... none the less i thought this was bizarre behaviour! After some more chat we then said goodnight to each other, and she said she would call tomorrow, ofcourse she hasn't called!! it's now 6:33 pm okay guys gimme some help, what do i do, how can i knwo if this relationship has a future?? thanks for the help in advanced! gooner... Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 I think that this has something to do with insecurities formed by her past relationship. You may or may not know why they broke up before you, but I would be willing to bet it has something to do with what happened to her-just a hunch. SHe's quiet because she dpoesn't trust guys, and when something was said about another girl, she shutdown and is trying to protect herself, even though there's nothing to be scared of. That's just my guess....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gooner Posted July 5, 2003 Author Share Posted July 5, 2003 first of all i'd like to thank you for taking the time to reply to my problem... The insecurities part you wrote about, rang very true.... she told me that she used to cry almost every other night about him... as he didn't pay her too much attention.. i always assumed maybe this was because she was relatively young at the time... so your damn right on that one... The reason they broke up was because we started seeing each other... bare in mind that i am 99% sure that they had been just drinfting along together... i also know that when she did brake up with him she had one hell of cry about it.. perhaps not exactly what you want to hear from a girl that your just about to get in a relationship with nonetheless she still hasn't called, do i call her, reassure her?? Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Well if you're saying that in her past relationship the guy didn't pay too much attention to her- I think letting her know that you are paying attention to her, wouldn't be a bad thing. Don't plead with her to get back together, and don't put out unrealistic ideas, she'll see right through them. But do call her, let her know how much you care, you think she's wonderful, and you're sorry about any miscommunication that had happened, if she would want to talk about anything, you'd love to. Let her know you're willing to be her friend, cuz if you just turn and run, that won't show too much- After that it's up to her if she is A)not over her past boyfriend or B) was afraid because of past experiences and still wants to be with you As far as that goes, it's up to her (if you'd like, there's a club you can join, it's called "Good guys learning to cope with space", seems to be a growing number of members) Link to post Share on other sites
Author gooner Posted July 5, 2003 Author Share Posted July 5, 2003 Not sure if i want to join that one too soon thanx for the help Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Quite welcome, good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 It sounds like you triggered her memory of her ex, by maybe doing something that he used to do, or something triggered her to act that way and shut you out. what can you do? NOTHING. She has to understand that you are a different person and to respect you for that, if she doesn't then you're not losing out big. punch Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 6, 2003 Share Posted July 6, 2003 With being a female, I kinda understand where this girl is comming from. She just got out of a relationship and maybe she needs time to be free from men for awhile before she hops into a relationship again. Now with her being at your house and being very quite, it must of been true that she was tired and that nothing was wrong. I get this way too. I can be kinda talkative sometimes, but when I am truely exhausted I get extremly quite too. This has nothing to do with you. Your first thing is to ask her where she sees both of you in the future. IT is important for you to know and not be wasting your time and her to know too. If there is a lack of communication, maybe both of you need to take some time away from eachother, or maybe do a variety of things that both of you enjoy. It is hard to pin point what the true story is, but your best bet is to talk to her and get some answers. And maybe too, she needs time to recover from her other relationship. Who knows. Just talk to her, and get some answers. Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 6, 2003 Share Posted July 6, 2003 Talking to her is important period, but asking her where you see you guys in the future (i don't necessarily mean married) but you'll get a pretty good idea of what's going on. In my situation, i am currently kind of in a tough situation with a my gf, or ex gf, she is my best friend still, we're still super close, a lot closer than a broken up couple is, or even best friends- but she talks about there being an us in the future, and saying everything will be ok- this lets me know that things aren't horrible, if they were, you'd get answer B, it's time to move on, i don't love you anymore, i like someone else, all that stuff You'll know pretty quick where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
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