advise

[Larry]

I need help on the subjuct on love

[Totally Confused]

Great, care to elaborate?

[Wiser Woman]

Don't we all!

[Larry]

I guess I am new at the compnter and how it works.I was deeply in love with a girl named kim see was the love of my life.and we had a small fight and we were both to youg to see what we had.so we broke And iwas hurt and to proud to go back so then affter about six mounts i got married out of spit.ever time i see kim i whant to tell her how much i love but i dont know if i should.

[Heather]

I guess I am new at the compnter and how it works.I was deeply in love with a girl named kim see was the love of my life.and we had a small fight and we were both to youg to see what we had.so we broke And iwas hurt and to proud to go back so then affter about six mounts i got married out of spit.ever time i see kim i whant to tell her how much i love but i dont know if i should.

Hi Larry,

 

Don't bother telling her that you love her, it's far too late

 

for that. Besides she would probably ask you why you

 

did what you did and that would open a whole world of hurt and embarassement for you. How would your old girlfriend feel about you knowing that when you get angry

 

you take spiteful actions. Do you honestly think she would be proud of you? Or here's another senario, She says she loves you also and wants to be with you, but in

 

the back of her mind; believe me, she will always be afraid

 

of making you angry because of what you might do.

 

Did you know that the average person will fall in love at

 

least 12 times in a lifetime? I myself will always love the

 

people that I had claimed to love but I also had to make

 

decisions to leave these people, so does that means that

 

I don't care about these? No, it means-( thank Goodness)

 

I've had the chance to fall in love and I have more chances to do it again

 

love again

[Totally Confused]

What did you go and do that for? Don't you think marrying someone else to spite your ex, was a bit drastic? You basically cut off your own nose to spite your face, and now you're miserable - That's what pride does. I hate to say it, but you deserve it. Now what about the woman who you married? What about her feelings? She's probably in love with you and you've been in love with someone else the whole time. That's not fair to her at all, when your wife could have met someone who really loved her and really wanted to be with her for the right reasons. That was selfish on your part.

 

Now that you've gotten yourself into this, it's time for you to grow up and start taking control of your pride, before it controls you any further. From now on I would suggest you start swallowing it, because it certainly hasn't done well for you up to this point. The first think I suggest you do is divorce. You don't love her and she needs to be with someone who does. Trying to make this marriage work - won't work...you don't love her. If you do choose to divorce, I'd at least show your wife some respect, by staying away from your ex-girlfriend until the divorce is final. If you can't contain your feelings for your ex, tell her how you feel, what you did and why you did it. I can't promise she won't lose respect for you, but you never know, she just might end up being flattered - who knows how some people think, though she may be angry that you hurt another woman out of spite against her. Then tell this girl that you want to wait for the divorce to be final (and in the meantime you should go see a therapist)and that you want to be with her and only her. See what she decides. She may be angry that you married someone else. Marriage is sacred and you didn't show it the respect that it deserved. You really should talk to a therapist to find out why you acted so irrationally, just to spite someone. It sounds like you may have some anger hidden inside of you or that for some reason you are not able to vent properly.

 

Anyway, brief summary...Divorce, tell ex how you feel, see a therapist, and if she agrees...try to work things out with her. AND FOR @@@@@ SAKE, LEARN TO VENT & COMMUNICATE PROPERLY. No more of this spite stuff.