Self harm ........ why?

[Lishy]

Ok I have found out my ex is cutting himself - He actually cut his arm to the bone a few weeks ago and all becuase he bumped into me after 6 months of not setting eyes on me

 

He also tried to throw himself out of his sister's window (30ft up) - He has taken many overdoses and then calls himself an ambulance. I think he does all of this for attention

 

Why do people do this?

 

Why do people cut themselves? I have no clue as I have never even contemplated it and can not see what there is to gain from harming yourself. After he did this he took a picture of his gaping arm and showed it to my MUM! She was mortified, she said it looked like a shark bite!

 

I am asking this question to anyone who has done this as I am now seeing him a complete fruitcake.

 

Why did you do it?

How did it make you feel?

[blind_otter]

Self injury is one of the primary issues used to diagnose borderline personality disorder. I am loathe to use the word "Fruitcake" unless I am joking about someone. People who self injure are, for the most part, very troubled. They are usually suffering from depression, poor coping mechanisms, sometimes substance abuse is involved, hopelessness. Many people who self-injure suffered abuse as children.

 

I self-injured a while back (probably about 2 years ago). That is what prompted me to finally commit to therapy and medication treatment. I didn't cut myself - I put cigarettes out on myself. What usually happened is that I would have a flashback, or some other trigger that would make me very emotionally unstable and hysterical. I would injure myself to "shock" myself back into reality because I would, for all intents and purposes, have psychotic breaks from reality from time to time related to my past issues with rape and abuse.

 

Luckily since receiving treatment I have no self-injured or had any desire to do so.

[quankanne]

I didn't cut in college, but was the queen of one-night stands. And I realized that to a degree I was behaving that way because I was trying to "prove" something to myself while punishing myself for not being a lovely, lissome lass. See, I figured that because I could get guys to sleep with me, I *was* attractive. Otherwise, I was a pretty well-balanced girl with a lot going for me, and when I realized I didn't have to punish myself like that, all the sleeping around for sleeping around's sake stopped.

 

my guess is that cutting is your ex's way of punishing himself. Why he feels he must do that in order to cope is something best left for a psychologist/psychiatrist to delve into, because they'd be the ones capable of giving him the tools he needs to move past this behavior.

[Lishy]

Thank you BO and Q.

 

I call him a fruitcake as he has done so many nasty things to me.

 

He cant see his son at the moment as he is so unstable and I know he feels guilt as it was all his own doing.

 

I could cry for my son, he should be able to see his dad and have a great time with him but he cant and I cant help but think that his dad could get himself better if he just stopped drinking and smoking pot.

 

My ex is a very selfish, self centred man, he thinks only of himself - And BO I could tick most of the things you put as reasons as what he has gone through. I feel bad that he has gone through so much, but my son cant pay the price for his past.

 

I live in constant fear for my safety as I know deep down he blames me as he finds it so har to accept responsibility for his own actions.

[blind_otter]

Has he received treatment for the cuts? If a doctor saw them they would immediatly refer him to a mental health professional. He needs therapy, badly.

[Lishy]

Has he received treatment for the cuts? If a doctor saw them they would immediatly refer him to a mental health professional. He needs therapy, badly.

 

BO he has teams of people helping him. He couldnt get any more help if he tried.

 

He has even had helpers bringing him food!!!!!!!!

 

I thought he was sorting himself out but he isn't

 

He is on his last legs at work and if he loses that job I fear what he would do. It is the one thing saving him right now

 

I detest him BUT I want him to get better so that my son can have his daddy back!

[Kamille]

My therapist explained to me that when the body is hurt, it releases endorphins. So whether you exercice (breaking muscle), have sex, over-eat or starve yourself, self-injure or abuse substances, what you are in fact seeking is the release of feel-good chemicals. With all these you get that release, followed by a down. Some, such as exercise and sex and to some extent food can be mobilized to help you out of depressive situation. Others likely will have you stuck in a downward spiral.

[soconfused01]

it's pretty messed up that he showed it to your mom. maybe it's cry for help? I don't know much about cutting despite having recently done it twice. All I know is that for me, I'm not trying to kill myself or even hurt myself that badly. When I did it I'm conscious of places that are easy to cover up or not doing it badly enough so it will bleed much later. When I did it I felt very panicky and "I hate myself" kept repeating in my head. I think for me its a physical way to express emotional pain, maybe because physical pain you can 'take care of' bandage it, whatever. Emotional pain is much harder to deal with. It also takes my mind off of it, like making a hole in my body feels like literally making an escape route for the emotional pain to leave.

your ex doesn't seem like he wants to die, but he still needs help

[Lishy]

Wow everyone you have been so honest and open and I thank you for that.

 

It has helped me get my head around why he does this to himself.

 

Thank you

[Obama08]

Simple answer to a complex problem:

 

Cutting releases endorphins- It makes you feel good, physically and emotionally, same as drugs like ecstasy, and it's mentally addictive in exactly the same way. It's no big mystery why people do it.

Edited March 6, 2008 by Obama08

[Lishy]

It sure was a mystery to me! I cant evenb begin to imagine that hurting yourself could make you feel good!

[Prodigal Princess]

I was a big cutter all through high school. I wouldn't say it was common but I do know of a lot of girls who self-harmed in their teens/early twenties.

 

It never made me feel "good", but it did bring some relief from whatever negative things I was feeling. I did it primarily because I didn't have the skill set to deal with strong emotions. For example, I'd do it after getting into fights with friends, or getting average exam results (yes, those were my major problems back then!).

 

I'm in my late twenties now and I still can't handle emotional upheaval, but I deal with it now by setting my life up with as minimal risk of this as possible. As immature as it is, I think the cutting outlet will always be an option for me should things ever go sour.

[mysocalledlife]

Back when I was in college I engaged in some limited cutting.

 

For me, it was about making myself numb to the physical pain so that I would be numb to my emotional pain.

 

But I don't think that would apply to someone jumping out a window.

[blind_otter]

Simple answer to a complex problem:

 

Cutting releases endorphins- It makes you feel good, physically and emotionally, same as drugs like ecstasy, and it's mentally addictive in exactly the same way. It's no big mystery why people do it.

 

It didn't ever make me feel good to put cigarettes out on myself. It actually hurt like a mofo. I would have psychotic breaks from reality and the intense pain would "bring me back" to reality.

 

It also was not addictive in any way. I never craved hurting myself. I never thought about it obsessively. I would always use it as a last resort when I was completely out of touch with reality and hysterical, or in the midst of a long and drawn out rape flashback that I could get out of.

 

Nothing like ecstasy at all. I should know, I've done over 500 hits in my lifetime.

[Lishy]

OMG BO - That is so upsetting!

 

I am so sorry you went through that! So sorry.

[blind_otter]

OMG BO - That is so upsetting!

 

I am so sorry you went through that! So sorry.

 

Oh Thanks Lishy, you are sweet! I'm glad I went through it...makes me stronger.

[Obama08]

Nothing like ecstasy at all. I should know, I've done over 500 hits in my lifetime.

 

I'm very skeptical of this remark as it indicates a lack of knowledge of how ecstasy works. You would have to have been taking the maximum amount for... doing the math... 14 years to have taken 500 hits.

[Art_Critic]

I'm very skeptical of this remark as it indicates a lack of knowledge of how ecstasy works. You would have to have been taking the maximum amount for... doing the math... 14 years to have taken 500 hits.

 

 

Are you saying that a person can only take 35 hits per year of ecstasy ?

 

That is only 3 per month or one hit every 10 days or so.... or did I read your post wrong ?

 

From what I have read a person can take up to 6 or so hits per DAY.. or 500 hits in 90 DAYS.

and obviously it would depend on the dosage of each hit.. it could be a small dosage or a large one

Edited March 7, 2008 by Art_Critic

[Obama08]

Are you saying that a person can only take 35 hits per year of ecstasy ?

 

That is only 3 per month or one hit every 10 days or so.... or did I read your post wrong ?

 

From what I have read a person can take up to 6 or so hits per DAY.. or 500 hits in 90 DAYS.

and obviously it would depend on the dosage of each hit.. it could be a small dosage or a large one

 

You can take as much as you want, but beyond the first dose it won't do much of anything. Your brain only has so much serotonin to release. Maximum consistent (effective) frequency is once every three months. Beyond that you're only getting a very mild high and you're permanently reducing your brain's ability to produce serotonin.

 

Not saying you can't do it. It would just be really stupid, very expensive, and it would prevent you from ever getting a really good high. People who take E consistently learn very quickly to do it on a time table for maximum effectiveness.

 

[edit] I suppose another possibility is that the E he's taking isn't clean. If it's mixed with 2ci, 2cb, or meth, he could continue to take it and feel an appreciable effect, but noting near as good as pure E taken with a full serotonin reservoir.

 

To look at it another way, you're basically getting a weeks worth of "happy" at one shot. After it's gone, you're physically incapable of feeling happy (or much of anything else for that matter) until your brain has had a chance to refill that serotonin reservoir.

______

 

Back to the topic at hand- Of course cutting hurts, but the endorphines released numb all your pain, including emotional pain, not just the pain from the cut. Hence the (purely mental) addiction.

Edited March 7, 2008 by Obama08

[Kamille]

You can take as much as you want, but beyond the first dose it won't do much of anything. Your brain only has so much serotonin to release. Maximum consistent (effective) frequency is once every three months. Beyond that you're only getting a very mild high and you're permanently reducing your brain's ability to produce serotonin.

 

Not saying you can't do it. It would just be really stupid, very expensive, and it would prevent you from ever getting a really good high. People who take E consistently learn very quickly to do it on a time table for maximum effectiveness.

 

[edit] I suppose another possibility is that the E he's taking isn't clean. If it's mixed with 2ci, 2cb, or meth, he could continue to take it and feel an appreciable effect, but noting near as good as pure E taken with a full serotonin reservoir.

 

To look at it another way, you're basically getting a weeks worth of "happy" at one shot. After it's gone, you're physically incapable of feeling happy (or much of anything else for that matter) until your brain has had a chance to refill that serotonin reservoir.

______

 

Back to the topic at hand- Of course cutting hurts, but the endorphines released numb all your pain, including emotional pain, not just the pain from the cut. Hence the (purely mental) addiction.

 

Pretty interesting stuff. Do you know how the brain refills serotonin? Like is there anything we can do to help brains refill on it?

[blind_otter]

Whatever..........delete. Sorry for the threadjack.

Edited March 7, 2008 by blind_otter

[Obama08]

Pretty interesting stuff. Do you know how the brain refills serotonin? Like is there anything we can do to help brains refill on it?

 

If I remember correctly taking 5meodmt helps, but don't hold me to that.

 

Now- back to the topic at hand. Sorry 'bout the 'jack.

Edited March 7, 2008 by Obama08

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'm reluctant to post here...I'm already a "fruitcake" in regards to my marriage. But, oh, well....

 

I am a cutter. Things have to be pretty bad for me to do it. The last time I did it was about a year ago, but I have struggled not to do it here, recently.

 

For me, it started when I had very dark depression in my Jr HS and HS years. I wouldn't have come up with it on my own, they had some kind of education about it at school (like...uh...don't do this!) and I got curious and tried it. I realized that it gave me an outlet for the pain I was feeling emotionally. The pain inside was so intense, but invisible to anyone but me. By cutting into my skin, I could feel a physical pain that, while it hurt, it hurt far less than what I felt inside. It was a means to distract myself and pull out of the darkness be it for a brief moment. I also liked the sight of my own blood. It affirmed to me that I was "real." I was so numb/dead to most of what was going on that I had to see for myself that I really did have a life-force inside me somewhere.

 

I stopped cutting for YEARS and then a bad situation with DH got me into it again. But I'll say that I don't have the numb feeling I used to in HS. Cutting is harder to do. But, it is able to distract me from the pain inside.

 

He would probably be most helped by seeing a counselor. Yes, I probably would, too - even though I haven't done it in a year.

[TerryTeardrop]

I agree he needs help!

[PinkICE]

I began self-mutilation when i was 9. But i only did it if someone makes me SO SO SO MAD! I can't really say it cutting coz i dont really cut myself. Instead, when i was in my teens, i just used pencil or pen and poke my arms til it numb. I do it very rarely. Then, later on, i used any objects to hit my head or bang it to the nearest wall I see or punch my head. Again, I only did it so rarely. Last night, I was SO SO SO SO SO mad and i did it again but not that much. I did it again after a year i think. Its never addicting but for me, its a way of coping the pain inside. I cant handle being so hurt emotionally that i need to feel it physically. No one in my family knows this coz it sounds so twisted LOL!

 

Lishy, your ex needs ur support and understanding so much. He is totally out of control.

 

Kamille, banana contains a tryptophan, a protein which converts to serotonin. It will not only make you better, it will make u sleep too. Before bedtime, I eat 3 to 5 bananas if i feel so depressed and couldnt sleep. Its my natural sleeping pills

Edited March 11, 2008 by PinkICE