Author Lishy Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Pink, Thank you for replying with your story. I am sorry that you do those things when you get mad. I cant support my ex, he is pretty messed up and I am not safe around him and nor is my son. It is not just the self harming, he has done some pretty messed up things to me (he rang the poice and told them he had killed me, and they were booting my door down at midnight!) I dont want to support him, I just wanted to get my head around why he cuts himself as he never did this when I was with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I used to harm myself when I was a kid. I didn't cut, because that is too easy to notice. I hit myself with something hard. I had a brush with a metal cover that I used to "love". After I beat myself with this, until I only saw black dots and nothing mattered for a while. Pain can be addictive. There was something about this numb, deep pain that would linger and stay with me that, at this time, was very comforting for me. I still want to do this, but it is very rarely that I succumb to this wish. I guess, your ex must feel a lot of pain and stress that he cannot get rid off and he prefers to give himself the illusion of control by cutting. Also, physical pain, sharp pain makes us forget a lot about our life and circumstances, at least for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
macon Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Self-harm is a tricky issue - I think it may be something you learn to rely on when you're emotional immature, and then it can follow you into adult life. I know that I first self-harmed when I was about 16, after a very traumatic incident, although I didn't relate the two at the time. It then became something that I would do when emotions got too big to deal with - you take this huge ball of overwhelming emotion, and by cutting yourself you replace it with a tangible feeling of pain, that you can understand. Now I'm in my thirties and self-harm is something I try really hard not to do. I hadn't done it for about 4 years because I know it doesn't work for me anymore - infact it increases any feelings of self-loathing I have because I find the results very embarrassing. I have a huge scar on my arm that people notice sometimes - and to me it's like a horrible personal diary right on show for the world to see. Then about 2 years ago I had a big fight with a boyfriend and ended up cutting my leg really badly - it made me feel awful the next day. He was totally freaked out and made it into a huge thing about him - which it wasn't. People who haven't self-harmed don't understand that they don't really have the power to make us do it, or stop us doing it - it's really nothing to do with anyone else. It's something you learn on your own to do when you can't cope with an emotional episode - and it's not about actually harming yourself to create some kind of result - it's about taking control of a feeling and turning it into something you understand and do have control over. Does this make sense to anyone? It's really not easy to describe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 The fact that he cuts himself is a huge reason I cant let him see his son If he can harm himself like this, surely he would feel no way about harming others? Or am I wrong here? Link to post Share on other sites
macon Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I think you're completely wrong about that. Self-harm is not about harming others at all. It does not in any way follow that because he self-harms he would ever cut someone else. Self-harm is about dealing with your own emotions, not lashing out at others. A self-harmer would be much more likely to lock themselves in a bathroom and attack themselves than any violent act toward another. That's kind of the problem for us sometimes! That said however, if you're a parent it's probably a very good idea to save your child from any unnecessary emotional trauma, which a relationship with someone who actively cuts themselves and hasn't accepted that they do that and got it under control to an extent (like many of us 'ex' or 'rare' lapsers do) might cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 You have made me feel a tad easier Macon - Thank you As I do not understand this concept at all (thank god) I couldnt understand the reasoning and the other problems that go with it Thanks you everyone who has shared a very sensitive subject with me, it has made it more clear and less scary for me. I really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
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